Chapter 26: I'll Lie Again Hoping It Becomes The Truth
Hey guys.
Slightly awkward since I said that childhood arc is done but turns out it isn't yet.
My bad.
I thought about Aikara's direction from here on and I decided on this, but I needed some more childhood chapters to show this.
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(Aikara POV)
It's been a whole week since Ai's funeral, and at the moment, it's just Aqua, Ruby, Miyako, and me inside the apartment. Everyone else is fast asleep, while I find myself out on the balcony, gazing up at the starry night sky above.
It reminds me of another beautiful night like this, back when I was living my previous life with the Anderson family. The stars have always held a mesmerizing quality, and as I lean against the railing, a gentle breeze caresses my face.
Tonight, there's a touch of nostalgia in the air. It was on a night like this when I made the decision to conceal my true self, to pretend and deceive others in order to gain their affection since I knew deep down that who I really was wouldn't be enough.
Now, after a week has passed since Ai's tragic departure, my mind has had time to settle, allowing me to do some serious introspection.
And during this period of contemplation, I've come to a realization.
I don't want revenge.
Don't misunderstand me, I still burn with a fierce desire to avenge my mother's murder. That hasn't changed.
The words I spoke that day, in front of Aqua, they were genuine. All the negative emotions I experienced—the guilt, the hatred, the self-loathing, the grief, and the despair—were undeniably real. They weren't an act.
Yet, amidst this whirlwind of negative emotions, at my core, I remain someone who values love and yearns to be loved.
That fundamental aspect of my being will never alter, no matter what life throws at me.
And because it's a constant part of me, even now, I crave validation and love from others, especially from my current family.
Miyako, Aqua, Ruby—
I truly love you all more than words can express.
You have no idea the depth of my affection for each one of you.
To maintain your love, I acted and placed a persona all these years as I carefully studied your personalities.
And because of that, I know that these negative emotions swirling inside me will hinder me from receiving your love.
If I were to act upon these emotions, I know it would only cause you worry, and that's the last thing I want.
It would contradict my deepest desires, which are to earn your validation and receive your love.
That's why, much like I did as Noah Anderson, I will don a mask. I'll happily throw away my entire being to receive your love.
And unlike last time where I lost my true self because of ignorance, I will place on the mask with the intention to lose my true self once again.
Because this time, I'll place on a mask, hoping that one day, my facade will overshadow my true self, and I'll continue to receive other's love.
And what better mask to put on than Ai?
She has been a pillar of strength for our family, providing a safe haven for us triplets in this new life. By becoming her, I can step into that role and support our family.
My family needs it, especially Ruby and Aqua.
Furthermore, through this act, even if it's artificial, I can once again feel her presence.
I paused my contemplation for a moment and headed back inside. Grabbing my phone and notebook from the table, I settled down in my chair. Scrolling through numerous videos and photos of Ai, I opened my notebook filled with copious notes and began writing.
Right now, my goal is to gather data and take extensive notes to become her. It's been a challenging task for me over the past week. Creating Noah Anderson was a breeze since he was a fictional character, and I could shape his thoughts and emotions based on my own concepts. However, embodying an existing character presents a much tougher challenge.
To truly understand their thought process and reactions to specific events, I need to delve into their background and grasp their essence. It's not as simple as developing habits from scratch or using a template; their past experiences shape who they are. That's why thorough research is crucial.
Despite having lived with Ai for many years, I still don't fully comprehend her thought process. But then again, who could? Your thought process is influenced by numerous factors like your environment, upbringing, education level, genetics, personal experiences, emotions, mood, cognitive biases, social influences, personal beliefs, and values. It would be creepy and stalker-like to assume I could know all of these without actively trying to understand her. I may have some knowledge, but living with her alone isn't enough—I need to research her as well.
Furthermore, I must make assumptions and create backstory since not everything about her will be portrayed in the media. To succeed in this endeavor, I require one crucial element: extensive knowledge of human psychology. Unfortunately, psychology isn't my strong suit, and it has taken me quite some time to read books on the subject in order to grasp the intricacies of thought patterns.
For now, I decided to set aside those problems and dive back into my research. Immersed in dozens of pictures and videos, I scribbled frantically in my notebook while muttering my thoughts aloud.
Her confident demeanor suggests that her desire for recognition is being satisfied, yet her social life seems limited. Was she raised in a children's home? If so, they probably didn't treat her well, considering her personality right now.
There appears to be some bias in the way she loves others. Perhaps it's related to her struggles with expressing affection. She's secretive, yet she craves exposure. A perfectionist who also exhibits reckless tendencies. Careless yet persistently determined. The type to save money, probably after having us as her children, as I recall her buying expensive ice cream in the past. This indicates a level of maturity and responsibility when necessary.
She seems relatively disinterested in fashion. Is this a display of self-confidence stemming from her innate beauty, or is it simply another way to save money? She has good vision and sensitive ears and nose. When she walks, her steps are long, likely driven by a desire for attention.
Her education level seems somewhat lacking. The way she holds chopsticks is crooked, possibly because she lacked a mother figure to teach her the proper way. I also noticed signs of a developmental disorder, which is an imbalance often seen in girls who engage in early sexual activity. It makes sense considering her circumstances as a young mother.
Around the age of 15, her reckless behavior diminished somewhat, presumably due to meeting our father.
Lost in my writing for hours, I meticulously scrutinized every subtle detail that often goes unnoticed by the average observer. Sitting alone in the dimly lit living room, everyone else fast asleep, my phone served as my sole source of illumination.
I'm determined to understand you, Ai. Perhaps it will provide me with a clue about our father. However, I suddenly halted my writing as the thought of seeking clues about our father clashed with my promise to abandon thoughts of revenge and pursue love instead.
Well, it doesn't really matter because I'll soon discard that thought. I'll don the mask of Ai and continue with my days, eventually transitioning from the mask to the truth, and letting go of this ugly emotion called hatred.
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(Third POV)
Just like that, another week flew by, and today marked the triplets' first day at a new school after being transferred from their old one.
Miyako, with a worried expression on her face, chauffeured the triplets to school. "Good luck, guys," she said, her voice filled with concern. "Remember, if you're not feeling well, let the teacher know, and I'll come back for you."
"Okay, Miyako-san!" Ruby replied, her gaze fixed on the passing scenery outside the car window. After weeks had gone by, Ruby's energy had returned, and she was gradually recovering from her previous trauma.
"Sure," Aqua responded swiftly, settling into his seat. He was engrossed in his phone, tapping away at the screen. Despite the passage of time, Aqua hadn't regained his energy and seemed to have grown even gloomier. The others were concerned, but they felt powerless, hoping that time would eventually heal his wounds.
Meanwhile, Aikara sat quietly in his chair, his eyes closed as he peacefully slept.
After a few more minutes of driving, Miyako pulled up at the school. She parked the car inside the gate, switched off the engine, and turned to the triplets. "We're here," she announced, catching Aqua's attention from his phone. "You just need to enter that building over there, and the teacher will guide you inside." She pointed to a nearby structure. "I wish I could accompany you, but I have a meeting to attend since Saitou isn't here."
She wore an apologetic expression as she spoke with remorse. "I'm sorry for not being able to accompany you. I know you're going through a tough time, and I regret not being there to help."
Ruby offered a soft smile. "No need to apologize, Miyako-san," she reassured, causing Miyako's spirits to lift. "We understand how busy you've been since President Saitou left. We don't blame you." Miyako smiled in response to Ruby's words.
"Thank you, Ruby," she expressed gratitude while glancing at her watch. "You guys need to go now. School will start in a few minutes." The blondes nodded, and Ruby gently woke up Aikara.
"Let's go," Aqua urged, opening the car door and stepping out, making his way towards the school building.
"I'm so excited!" Ruby exclaimed, following closely behind Aqua.
Aikara, still inside the car after just waking up, slowly descended the steps, wearing a small smile. "Yeah, you're right, Aqua." Aqua and Ruby turned their heads towards Aikara, their eyes widening slightly as they observed Aikara gradually opening his eyes.
"Ahhhhaa," he yawned, covering his mouth with his hand. "I'm so sleepy!" He adjusted his long hair, tucking it behind his ear. "School starts too early." Aqua and Ruby's eyes widened as they listened intently.
"Oh!" he exclaimed, raising his hands. "What are you guys waiting for? Let's go!" He took a step forward, a smile playing on his lips, and placed his hand on his chest. "Tee-hee!" he chimed, tilting his head in an adorable manner.
Aqua and Ruby gasped, their faces filled with astonishment as they stared at Aikara. Their mouths were slightly agape, overcome by shock.
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A.N
Look, I know it feels weird having all that I'll kill you in the previous chapter but saying he'll drop it in this.
It may feel like a cop out. But, just wait please. I'm not fully done with showing Aikara's change. So just wait!
And I have a patreon now, where you can show me support and see 4 advanced chapters of Actor.
patreon dot com/SUSGT
And one more thing, I'll update every two days now since I'm currently busy in life.
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