Chapter 1: Prewords.
I don't really know why I decided to write a story about my experiences. Maybe it's because I've learned to share at least something.
I'm a 156 cm tall, slender, slim woman with her curves in place if I've been taking care of my eating, I mean I've been eating enough. I have dark blue eyes, blueberry blue, quite big too. My hair is usually dark blood red, goes down to my ass, and is curly, either in bigger curls or slightly smaller curls, depending on how my lovely husband decides, but sometimes my hair has been in all different colors, different lengths. I'm not a classic beauty like Mariella for example, she's like Vivien Leigh, or like Mimosa, she's something between Kim Basinger and Coldie Hawn, Shadow is like Sandra Bullock and Britney Spears.
Me, I don't resemble any celebrity. My expression is always a bit wild, my feline features are there, and my experiences are also visible on my face. Even without make-up, I could look like a 14-year-old, I'm very young-looking, ordinary maybe.
But I'm not putting everything in this story; I'm not telling everything because it's better that some things stay in the past, in the shadows, and stay there. Because I know that my pack and especially Damon will read this, over and over again. Looking for everything they don't yet know about me.
My life has been busy, I can tell you that, there are quiet times, times when normal everyday life was all that happened, but I'm not normal and my life has never been anything like what people perceive as normal, but it is my everyday life. It's kind of crazy that I've been married to Damon Salvatore for hundreds of years.
But what we've spent time alone together, living together, that's another thing. But maybe this is our way of life. Damon and Mariella have been together for years, decades, Damon doesn't want to take a vacation from Mariella like he does from me, but I'm not Mariella. I'm a strong, independent alpha bitch. I'm too used to my ways, I want my own time. I don't worship Damon like Mariella, we don't have the kind of connection those two have.
I haven't even worked out how old I am. I'm not the same person anymore, the same creature that was thrown into this life and had to change. Whose whole life, whose whole existence changed just because of my genes. Damon has taught me, or tried to teach me, that it's no use wondering What if?
But because love is truly the most powerful force of all, and that's how I've endured. Me and Damon have persevered, even though so many times I swore and believed that we were no more. It's good that Damon is a creature over a thousand years old. He's patient, and he can teach. He can still want me. He doesn't want to let go of me. Maybe it's part of being a vampire first and a shifter second. He's a possessive, strong creature. I even gave up on us not just once but several times, but then Damon has almost always taught me that he refused to let go of me in the end.
He continued to believe in hope and taught me that we are. We had times when we weren't; we were divorced, but those times taught and changed us all, including me. I just have to accept the fact that I will never be free of him. And I don't want to get rid of him anymore. I have learned about us. I always want to be with Damon. I want to be his.
This is my choice, my life, no matter what happens to me, even if I'm with other men. Because Damon is also with other people, it took me a long time to learn that I was no longer human, and I held on tenaciously to everything I had learned as a human, the norms, the rules, how a relationship should work, but I'm not human anymore. I haven't been for centuries, and yes I learned in my time what it is to be supernatural, what are our norms, our ways, and what is normal for us.
Every now and then that thousand-plus-year-old, incredibly strong but at the same time so damn lazy telepath, is in my thoughts. He looks at what I reminisce about and wonders if there's a bad memory he could help me with. He really loves and cares. He can help, make bad memories fade, and even go away. I have a photographic memory, so time does nothing to heal the wound.
But the universe fate gave me Damon, and I've learned that dispelling my memories, sucking the emotions out of my memories, is what helps. So I let him help, and if I tried to stop, well, let's just say Damon is an anesthesiologist, very competent in terms of my medication.
Our moments together, good and bad, let's just say you could make a soap opera out of it, so many times we've been at that point. We've tried to deny the truth that we belong together, even though our relationship is on the turbulent other side. I'm a strong-willed, stubborn, dominant woman, and Damon is a strong-willed, dominating old vampire with his very own views on women and their status, always beneath him.
This is my story. It's also the story of our pack. Well, I'll try to tell you all the essentials here, but not in order. When I rewind my memories, my mind just works in such a way that I can jump from one memory to another and I don't always necessarily have the energy or inclination to write it all down.
As for the times when I wasn't actually conscious, well, I go by what I've been told. Then I don't know if that's exactly how things went, and in some events, Mariella has actually been helpful, even writing down a couple of events. As I said, although this is my so-called memoir, I'm doing this in a pack, and they want to be part of it.
So much has happened to me and us, our pack, over all these years, so much bad and so much good, and Damon still doesn't know everything. There are parts of my past that I don't share, my shit, my problems. I am Chaos, an alpha female, a shape-shifter, but I am also a mother, a wife, a member of the pack, and the most terrifying patient in the world, if not the universe.
I'm not human, haven't been for a long time and these days I'm more feline than vampire, not that my vampire side is weak. I'm a very strong being with an arsenal of abilities and skills at my disposal. I can't die permanently. I'm immortal. Well, I can die for a while, but I always come back to life. This kind of death is like falling asleep and staying asleep without dreaming, not that dying is ever fun, it's often not painless, but I always come back to life.
Even now, I'm pregnant and writing this outside in the beautiful air, and our pack is having a barbecue; Mariella, Damon's soulmate, is sunbathing. They are together on a level that I will never be with anyone. Because they are energy beings, magical beings, witches, and wizards, I am chaos, I can never be an energy being and not a witch.
I am the toughest being in the universe, not the strongest, but the toughest. i withstand everything, always do what I have to do, even at the cost of my own happiness and health.
There are men in the yard grilling, mowing the lawn, and setting the table. These are the Damons, ten of them in all, and each one is his own creature now. Mimosa and Shadow, our wolves, mine and Mariella's. They are in human form too, they too are multi-shifters and vampires, but where I am more feline than vampire, these two are wolves in the core, always first, though they can take human form. We used to be werewolf hybrids, but we were able to separate them from ourselves by giving them their very own life, their very own independence. They're swimming in a pool, in human form. They are married to damons and others, just like me.
As I said, I am not human, so we are officially married to several men. Wolves, too, are also pregnant, and the father is Damon, this time number one, the original. Wolves and Mariella have even had children with other versions of Damon, but not me. Damon won't allow it because I'm his vampire wife, his alpha wife, his wife on a completely different level to what Mariella is. And I don't know if that's always a good thing, but I go with the flow, and I enjoy what I have.
Damon is watching me, sipping bourbon from his glass, lying on a sun lounger in the shade, and I feel him in my thoughts; I still have so many secrets, and I'm not telling them all, at least not directly. And I know that the mere suggestion that I still have secrets that he doesn't know will make him dig deeper into my mind, searching for them. He's trying to find some clue that I'm not telling him. so that he can know everything, own me and my memories, help me, but also dominate me completely. I won't let him dominate me as totally as he would like.
It won't be long before it's time for me to give birth, though I've had a hell of a lot of children over the years, and I know what it's like. i.e., giving birth, pregnancy, creating a new life. The purpose of our pack is to make children and offspring that will go to live in other dimensions. So we make children and puppies a lot. The pregnancy time is short, but the pack is there to help. We take care of our babies as much as we feel able. They have good homes and loving parents in store for them, our previous offspring. Our DNA changes all the time, so each child is different from those born before, they are siblings in name only. They are family, and we all have a purpose.
I have found as my project, my story progresses that sharing and remembering is not a bad thing. i have learned to let people, my pack, close to me and let them see me, my memories. But it helps in some ways to be able to share my past with people who were never part of my life then.
I guess I'm the lone wolf of the pack because I'm different from the rest. In fact, I am different, whereas everyone else in our pack is a wizard and a witch, I am chaos. Where they are energy beings, I am an energy-exploiting being, the battery of the pack. Even as a human, I had always been the one who didn't fit in, who wasn't social. I was comfortable by myself. The same is still true. I have learned after so many lessons to cope on my own and be by myself, but now I have a pack that has decided I can't be by myself. And I no longer have to be.
I'm in a pack, and I'm different from the others doesn't mean anything because I'm similar, even though I'm not exactly the same. I belong to the pack, and I just have to learn to accept it. Well, let's just say it may take time.
It's hard to believe how much the world can change, how life can change from when I was human. It's been forever since I called myself human. It feels like my world and my life has changed so much that the being I was a long time ago I don't even feel inside me anymore... I've had both good and bad, and it's been a roller coaster ride in this life of mine. The good moments, the wonderful times when I feel so much, love, happiness, security those times literally make my soul sing, but then the bad moments...
I'm immortal, and I can't be killed completely. I always am. I grow back from a cell, and that cell can be a cell I have unintentionally left behind, even a skin cell. Or it could be a few cells that survive, floating somewhere and start growing, and long before I have a body, I'm aware, I'm aware that I'm growing again. I'm the most special, unique being in the universe.
And that's why I've experienced so many terrible things: losses, pain, agony, and torture. I've been imprisoned in institutions where I've been examined and tortured just for the sheer lust for money and curiosity. I've also suffered at the hands of Damon. He himself has tortured me and hurt me on more than one occasion. But I've endured it all on the strength of those good times.
I've been raped a couple of times so thoroughly, so badly, that I actually wished I was dead, but both times I got away with it anyway. I have been raped more than once, but those two incidents, two years, were so bad that my existence felt like nothing but pain, and the whole pack was victims of manipulation, so they couldn't help when they didn't know the truth.
Part of my suffering made me so strong that I fulfilled one of my purposes. Although it almost ended my existence on this level, the pack helped and healed me, and I survived. I've been blown up, hanged, poisoned, torn apart, drowned. Just find a way to kill, and I'm pretty sure I've been through it.
As I said, humans are beasts, and even though I saved people and ran my organization for almost a century in total, it didn't help me when evil scientists and some people see me as a threat, a freak, something to kill, something to torture, kill, play with and something that has no dignity because I'm not human. I've saved the world very many times and saved humanity, but I don't demand, and I don't want people to know.
It's better to be a hero in the shadows, to do what needs to be done, than to flaunt my prowess and strength. But after all these experiences, I am, above all, a survivor. A wise friend once taught me: "It is good or even wise to remember the past; you can and should learn from it, but you should not live in it." I have tried to remember this.
It is said that time heals wounds. Well, in my case, Damon is the one who does something about them. Not time because my photographic memory won't let time do what it does for others, and again, here's one of my unique traits. No one else in our pack has a photographic memory. You just have to remember to always enjoy the good times, the wonderful moments that come along from time to time.
I have learned to trust love, trust that I am loved, trust that I matter and that I mean something to everyone. That's why I sometimes get my husband, my alpha male, to show me my place so that I feel, but he loves me so much, he wants to keep me in check. I'm not saying I roll over on my back and submit right away. No, Damon and I we take on like two forces of nature, but he wins. I'm just giving him a damn good resistance.
I've killed my share too, so many, and most of them are ones that had to be killed, but I have my share of deaths that really didn't deserve it, but there was nothing I could do about it then but stop them suffering or prevent them from suffering. Although I have a firm knowledge of life after death, that death is not just the beginning, taking life was never easy for those innocents. Often, they were my friends.
Damon has tried to teach me that it was to these innocents that I was merciful, that I had no choice. I did the right thing. He is an incredibly patient teacher, showing me over and over again what would have happened to them if I had not let them go. Damon has the ability to see into the past and also to see all its alternatives. He has millennia of life experience; he is a genius, a doctor, and I trust him. And it was never, under any option, a good outcome.
So I've just had to learn my bitterest lesson ever, which is that I can never save everyone. It's not my place. Everyone has their own path to walk and sometimes that path ends too short than the person deserves. But as said, death is not the end. It is just the beginning; what happens to a person after that is not just peace and happiness. They move on to another level, and they have their own job and purpose there.
I've thought that life is really like a road; sometimes, someone will walk with me, and then our paths will diverge as I continue on my journey alone, but I'm not completely alone these days. My pack walks with me.
Damon is a telepath, a vampire, a multi shape shifter like me. And certainly not a character in a book or TV series. Not even close. Not even in appearance. Damon is a seducer, and he's had so many women I can't even think of a number, but when he's over a thousand years old, a handsome hunk, a really good charmer and ladies' man, a real bad boy, the number is whopping.
A few of his conquests were determined to worship him so much that they wrote books or made a TV series. And Damon hates them. Because books and TV series, well that character is about as far from Damon as you can get. It was true that Damon and Elena were together, but the reality was a tragic, ugly, harsh human life that wasn't a storybook ending like the TV series or like the fans imagined. Damon puts up with the TV series and the books because they help him stay hidden.
There have been children in the world for centuries who have been named Damon Salvatore and it helps Damon stay hidden in this information age. If only people knew the truth that there was a grain of truth in the books and the TV series.
And Damon is not the only one who has a book written about him. Let's just say that Adam Hauptmann, Charles Cornick, and other characters from the Mercy Thompson books also exist, and they served as inspiration for those books. But again, the books and the stories are fiction. But let the books be fairy tales, fiction and let people enjoy them.
Damon is a Merlin class wizard, an energy being, and the father of my children: my husband, my soul mate, and the man who makes my soul sing sometimes. As I write these lines, he raises his eyes and eyebrows. He is also very vain sometimes, and he knows it when I praise him. He's a handsome bastard, and I can't help but smile at him when he looks at me as I write my book.
His icy blue eyes bore into my soul, and I felt as if, even at this moment, he wanted to come and take me, possess me, and let his passion and love sweep me away and burn all the evil from my memories.
But this is my story. As I said, I don't always go through things as carefully as I can because I don't want to remember everything so much; I don't write everything about every day because that would be boring, and I don't reveal all my secrets, not even close. I tend to recall, go through my life, and make observations at the same time.
They say hindsight is not always flattering, and I've discovered I'm imperfect. I'm careless, reckless, brash, and willing to sacrifice myself for others. Ever since I became a supernatural, unkillable super being, I have always been. But this is also the story of our pack, our story. It's a story of growth, pain, love, loss and achievement. It has both good experiences and really horrible experiences, but as I said, I have learned to share and remember, to learn lessons from my past, from my experiences.
I've learned that the future is full of surprises. Even though members of our pack have the ability to see into the future, it changes because there are so many options, so many possibilities that there's never just one right future, and that's what makes life fun, challenging, and sometimes so frustratingly difficult. But you just have to surrender to go with the flow, to see where it takes you, and to see what I'm going to experience.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
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ippu81 Please, leave a feedback and come back to read this story because this will be one hell of a ride.
Krista.
Creation is hard, cheer me up!
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