More plz, but plz dont let anyone else taste his woman. And that dude that did should die.
ch 11 The Party [2]
Fantasy 路 TruePlug
... :/ I'll be honest. First, your texting habits are bleeding into your writing; sometimes typing 'U' instead of 'you'. Noticed it at least 2 times in the chapter before this and then saw it in this one too. Second, your characters don't feel all that realistic. They're too much of just one strong personality trait instead of being complex like most people are. Third, most people don't like reading dense or dumb main characters. Most people like reading the MC normal level smart or smarter than normal people. To have the MC acting this dumb at the start of the book will make a lot of people drop it. To go further in point and explain how he was dumb: He knew she liked him too. Knew how she didn't like Justin. Knew her personally and her personality for a long time. Knew Justin hates him. How it was Justin that gave him the letter instead of the usual mail person. How the letter wasn't open like it would be if Justin got it first and would have opened it to read it if it really was to from her. How the entire letter sounded absolutely fake and like and idiot wrote it... And finally how MC didn't even go into denial and how just wanted to die. Uhh, that took a little while to write. I'm done giving advice on writing for a while now.
ch 0 3 The Letter
Fantasy 路 ReF4SH
Short for a first chapter, but a good starting. Written well enough with no glaringly obvious flaws in the grammer department. Did a decent job on what all first chapters should do which is getting the reader hooked or at least interested. I am curious though, flash's dad said his brother's daughter is Diana. Is he saying brother as in actually blood related brother? So is Diana his cousin? 馃槒馃構
ch 0 1 The day where it all began
Fantasy 路 ReF4SH
I hope it's actually blood related instead of what some people still count like adopted.
ch 0 -1 AUTHOR鈥檚 NOTE
Fantasy 路 ReF4SH
WOOT WOOT! Sister x brother FTW!!
ch 0 -1 AUTHOR鈥檚 NOTE
Fantasy 路 ReF4SH
Man I say I would pay to not have him around; he would still my women! So -3 gold coins.
This book has been deleted.
I need morrrre
ch 46 A Mother's Pent-up Desires
Fantasy 路 Fnatic_Fan
Morrrrrre
ch 46 A Mother's Pent-up Desires
Fantasy 路 Fnatic_Fan
When I was milking some XP from a daily review I realized you still don't have 10, five star reviews yet! You should tell your STUPID readers to hand in those reviews so your novel can have those tasty golden stars and become more popular so I can bask in the glory of this novel with some fellow patriots.
This book has been deleted.
Xp
ch 0 9 A mother's guilt
Fantasy 路 Preyz07
馃構
ch 13 Middle school l
MY Perfect Life As A Reincarnation!
Fantasy 路 Preyz07