Badges 4
Moments 66
Yes, people who are nearing the end of their life, or are unhealthy, can see the glowing red mist.
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I suggest shortening the info dumps, if you can’t eliminate it. Limit it to like five to six lines, or even lesser.
[Lara Blue has natural blue eyes which are considered to be the rarest and she was born Royal, There are ancient drawings of people with blue eyes who are considered to be God's Child, Everyone in the kingdom firmly believed that Miss. Blue is the God's child. She predicts the future for peoples in the kingdom, which are 100% accurate. Everything she says will happen, Every one in the kingdom has complete faith in her. She has the same authority as of king]
Solo Dominance
Fantasy · xish101
Interesting take for an isekai novel. I don’t like to nitpick since it isn’t really something great to do. You got me with the really interesting title and the synopsis. However I feel like things went by too fast, I was hoping you’d give a more descriptive overview of the main character.
ch 0 1 THE BACKSTORY
Solo Dominance
Fantasy · xish101
Okay so, I’ve read at least a few chapters of your book and I’ve got to say that I was a bit confused about the first part (the prologue). What exactly was going on in the World? But then, I realized it was just a dream. What I like about this book is that it can be adapted into an anime series, probably with sci-fi elements. The downside is that you’re dumping too much information on the reader terms that they’ll hardly remember. My suggestion is: - Incorporate your info-dumping in a chapter where people are having a conversation about the history of your World. Info dumping kills the mood. I know it’s a hard habit to unlearn, but I prefer seeing their abilities in action rather than having you explain it. Anyhow, I like this story, it’s basically three friends with cute elf ears having a bunch of shenanigans. Not really my type of novel, but as an anime fan I appreciate your use of -sama and -chan. I know you have other books that contain similar lore, and I’d be more than willing to help you on that if you want. Just tag me. Best of luck on your writing journey.
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I suggest explaining all this in a later chapter, perhaps in a conversation where they talk about the history of the world. The habit of info dumping is still more apparent in this story.
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I thought Vier was a man, but I’ll carry on 😂
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I suggest saying, ”Uwarrrghhhh!” Vier screamed in pain. Again, I’m not forcing you to change your story whatsoever, but the brackets format for signifying who’s talking (the [vier] thing) kinda kills the mood.
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Okay so I was a bit confused, but what I picked up so far from your story is that Vier (?) is screaming and letting out a cry for help for they don’t want to die. There are heroes apparently coming to save your character from the World being destroyed, if I got it right? What I usually dislike is when there are too many elements shoved into my face at the same time, giving me backgrounds of the heroes. I want to see action, and less over-explanation.
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This is the info dump I’ve been talking about. I suggest introducing your Heroes at a later time, since you want to give your reader an overview/the big picture of how your story begins.
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Oh wait I meant that for the next paragraph haha
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I kind of am confused because of the sudden popping of species like Iron Golems into the equation.
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I wonder what’s going on in this world. I suggest giving an overview of what is going on in this world of yours so I’ll know why the character is letting out a cry for help, saying they don’t want to die.
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Hello, this is Jean Lee, the creator, leaving a shameless five-star review on my book. Basically this review is for anyone to ask questions about the story and give suggestions for future chapters. Don’t be shy to ask any concern you have about the story and I will answer all your queries!
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I added your novel to my collections in case I’ll be binging next time, but overall, I like this story. It’s easy to understand, and has full of mysterious events going on (maybe I haven’t read the rest, that’s why it remains a mystery to me). Royalty is one of my biggest faves when it comes to novels so I’m glad I’ve found one of these kinds of novels as a part of your novel’s theme. The introductory chapter was really great in terms of visualization, and I can vividly picture how privileged Eduardo lives based on the descriptions. My only nitpick about this novel is that the synopsis needs to be more specific in a way that your story’s central ideas stand out. A sudden surge of mysterious events can be too broad sounding and can make your novel end up like any other mystery novel there is. I suggest indicating what problems your character faces, like for example, “The Queen fell sick”, to add a feeling of suspense and confusion that the reader will begin to wonder what went wrong. Anyhow, these are my takes on your novel, and I still have a lot to read since I’ve read around four to five chapters of this. The writing style is decent, the pacing is decent. My only concern is the synopsis, overall. I give you 4.6 for this, and I look forward to your evolution!
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I really want to know what he did to the Queen lol. But, I’ll carry on.
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Hello! As of now I don’t, but I plan to make one in the future! I’ll send it in the Discord server where we both stay in <3