if it cant be put in a pocket im sad
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Fantasy · xish101
oh? alright! username- dreamscraper
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it gets confusing to even those outside the US
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
this isnt realistic dialogue
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
dont say tom do much. it gets repetitive
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
*helpless
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
writing your main character as 'hopeless' doesnt make people thjnk ur chsrscter is. show or describe. font tell
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
use " anf not '. Readers won't knoe if its thoughts or actual words
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
this is kinda better. but once sgain. you're judt explaining. its not going to hook anyone
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
first chapter was boring and srsgged even though it was short. try to fix that
ch 0 4 Meet The Bakers
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
too many descriptdion make the story drag
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Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
i apologize for how long it took me to respond!1) my book is about to continue being posted, but it might be a little different from before