"I always care about other people's comments. Sometimes, I even impose my subjective imagination on others. No matter what I do, I feel that others are looking at me."

I felt that others would deny me, but I didn't want to go against my own thoughts. I had been troubled by this question for more than two years. I had seen a psychiatrist before, but I felt that what he said had nothing to do with my illness. Hypnosis? It was simply nonsense. He was just a quack. Since I was young, I felt that I was a little neurotic. I was always very strong and always let my imagination run wild. When I was very young, I wondered why human breathing could be done automatically without the command of the brain. Therefore, I consciously tried to control my breathing, but the result was that it became more and more difficult for me to breathe, and I couldn't breathe. In the end, it was better not to think about it. Also, I remember that summer when I was in the second year of junior high school. I was in a supplementary class at an education and guidance center. That class was a physics class. I quite liked physics and admired the physics teacher very much. However, when I was listening attentively to the physics class, I suddenly had a thought. If I stared at the teacher so attentively, would he think that I was strange? I was deliberately looking at him or that I liked him very much?(Actually, I just admire my teacher very much. There's nothing else.) However, once this thought came out, I realized that when I looked at him again, I always felt that he would think that way about me. Therefore, from then on, I didn't know how to look at other people's eyes to listen to lessons or communicate with them. When I looked at other people's eyes, I felt uncomfortable all over. I felt that other people thought that I was looking at him intentionally, but I felt very uncomfortable if I didn't look at them. I even wondered if other people would say that there was something wrong with my brain. Why didn't you look into my eyes… From then on, my life changed drastically. I couldn't look at the teacher in class and could only lower my head to listen to the class, so my grades plummeted. I was in extreme pain and could only study hard after class and not communicate with others. Actually, I'm a very smart child, but because of this, I lost too much. Every day, when others had learned everything while I was still studying hard, I felt very wronged. Why should I work so hard behind the scenes? But I wasn't jealous of others. It was just that I gradually worried too much. I worked so hard after class, but my results were so average. Others would definitely think I was stupid. In fact, I rarely heard others say this, but I still thought that others thought so. Therefore, the effect of my self-study after class was also very poor. From now on, this vicious cycle will cause me to shrink back, hesitate, be rigid, doubt myself, and greatly deny myself no matter what I do. I believe that my actions are not within the scope of a normal person.