Do you know any really good short jokes and funny stories?

Yes. A snail gets mugged by two turtles. When the police ask him what happened, he says, 'I don't know. It all happened so fast.' This is short and catches you off - guard with its humor.

Sure. A police officer pulled over a driver for speeding. When he asked for the driver's license, the driver nervously handed him a library card. The officer just stared at it for a moment and then said, 'Sir, you can go really fast with this in a library!'

Joke: I'm reading a book about anti - gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Here is one more joke. What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Yes. Here's one. A true story is that my friend tried to bake a cake for the first time. The joke is that when she took it out of the oven, it looked more like a pancake. Another true story is that I once saw a man trying to park his car in a really small space for ages. And the joke could be that his car was so big it was like he was trying to fit an elephant into a shoebox.

A group of animals were having a party in the forest. The deer said, 'I can run really fast.' The rabbit said, 'I can jump really high.' Then the sloth said, very slowly, 'I... can... save... a... lot... of... energy...' Everyone just stared at it for a while and then burst out laughing.

Yes. There were two old friends. One of them was hard of hearing. The other one told a joke, and when the hard - of - hearing friend didn't laugh, he repeated it louder. Still no laugh. So he shouted the joke at the top of his lungs. Finally, the hard - of - hearing friend said, 'I've heard this one before, I just wanted to see how loud you could get!'

Yes. A boy tried to serenade his girlfriend outside her window. But he got the wrong window and ended up singing to an old lady. The old lady was so amused that she called the girl and told her to come and get her 'knight in shining armor'.

Yes. I heard about an elderly gentleman who decided to try skateboarding for the first time in his life. He got on the skateboard, pushed off a bit, and then immediately fell flat on his back. He got up, dusted himself off, and said he was too old for that 'new - fangled' sport.

Yes. One story is about a boy named Pedro. Pedro always dreamed of flying. One day, he tied a lot of balloons to his body and jumped from a small hill. But instead of flying gracefully, he just tumbled down the hill. His friends were laughing and said, 'Pedro, hindi yan paraan para lumipad!' (Pedro, that's not the way to fly!).