13Reviews
4.65
- Writing Quality
- Stability of Updates
- Story Development
- Character Design
- World Background
Share your thoughts with others
Write a review
LV 4 ![Badge]()
ShinSungmi
It is a well-written story, and I don't see much problems when it comes to English or Grammar. Keep up with the good work, and the plot is incredible too
LV 2
Formless_Queen
I really enjoy the characters and the story. The release rate is slow, but that's understandable with life and being busy. Love the story, keep up the great work, author!
LV 3 ![Badge]()
Axicia_
First thing first, the meta stuff. There are some odd phrasing in the story.
"Memories rush to his consciousness"
Odd turn of phrase. Probably this is better as the simpler "He started to remember"
"The fireball wasn't very fast, but contained destructive power."
This is sort of a 'captain obvious' combined with a 'show, don't tell' situation. It's a techinique intended for attacking, so it would be odd if it doesn't contain destructive power. A better way to word this is say how the air becomes hotter, or the smell of smoke permeating the air.
The -ly adverbs (toyingly, with the fire lizard at the beginning, is a notable example). Be careful with it.
Battles are very descriptive, and the rarity approach... I'm not sure if I really understand it correctly. Do creatures get classified in the books with the different colors? What is the basis of naming rarities as colors?
The system of using "understanding" is a pretty unique approach in my opinion, along with the 'summary' and 'comprehension'. From what I've read, the system in your story lends well to a non-linear progression, though that do remains to be seen.
Other than my nitpicks, the descriptions itself is actually superb. The lines are witty and funny, for example, "You really do look better as a statue" did make me cackle for a good few seconds.
Reveal Spoiler 
LV 1 ![Badge]()
CenaJon
Love the novel right now. Grammar is on point, the story is serious at most times but can also be funny, and the character's are really cool. Thanks for the great work!
LV 3 ![Badge]()
d3trois
This is a good story. I haven't read a lot of it for now but it definitely goes into my library. Good potential with quality characters !
My note might change with time as I read more and more, but i'm impatient
LV 5 ![Badge]()
NagatoSaitou
I start saying i like very mich cultivation novels, the story begins well giving immediately the readers a glimpse about how much power you could obtain. although a bit cliché the extinction of a race with only one newborn survivor, it is always interesting how such a child will grow and he will avenge his race. I hope the author will continue it
LV 4 ![Badge]()
Clouded_Jade
An interesting concept for a novel, the idea is unique and could be developed rather nicely into a novel. I think with some effort, you could make this novel into a decent read without much issue.
Now, however, there are some elements that could use a lot of improvement.
The first is tense shifting. From your preliminary chapters alone, I've seen a lot of shifts between the generic past tense 'was' and the present tense 'is'. Now, this happening one or twice a chapter isn't anything much - it shows that the author is human, and you'd really focus on eliminating those minor errors when they're limited to a handful. Right now, your first chapter begins with the past tense:
"In the center of the town Lorea, stood a half human boy. He was 1.4 meters tall, with short blond hair, looking forward casually..."
This introduction brings to the reader the impression that the storytelling is in the past tense - since the first few sentences follow such format. In the next paragraph of text, however, you began to alternate between the past and present tenses (from 'were\was' to 'is\would', etc); this throws a wrench into your story telling as an author, and the reader is sitting there scratching their head in confusion instead of immersing themselves into the adventures of the protagonist. Other than the primary issue of tense-shifting, I don't see a major problem with the grammar, which is a good sign. Good work on that!
The plot of the story telling... again, this is simply from the first chapter - the first five chapters are primarily what decides if the reader wants to 'read' your novel instead of 'skim' for the daily xp for their profiles, and the later chapters retains their viewership.
In your first chapter, you have a concept as the Space Kings, and a town called Lorea. That's great, since we also get a description about the Space Kings, but what happened to Lorea? What does it look like, and how does it compare to our Earth? Descriptions regarding the background of the world, the plot progression, and even the actions of the characters are sorely lacking in the first few chapters of the novel - and the reader desperately needs them. This trend is further displayed as we read into the life of Rey - of whom I take to be the main character - and a lot more detail, as tedious as it could be, would help your novel immensely.
Also, your pacing of the plot is rather rushed for the first few chapters; this is also a result of the lack of background information regarding the novel. What is space energy - what does it look like, what does it do, how can someone manipulate it and to what extent - we don't have this prior information, and it makes the characters actions less impressive to the point that all the reader can do is sit back and think, "oh, okay. That's it?" The factions, the titles, everything so far is a little too fast paced especially for the first chapter. Long chapters are good, but only when they are paced right.
I'm sorry if I sounded a little too harsh in this review - I simply have high expectations since the concept of the novel seems to be a good project worth well taking. Best of luck to your writing!
LV 7 ![Badge]()
Gourmet_DAO
Really read with interest, the plot is entertaining. But right away, as a reader, I have questions, maybe the answers will be given in other chapters? but for the time being I have such questions -What for the ancients? Why did they put them? What are they? What caused the feud between the cosmic kings and the ancients? Who are the allies of the ancients? What is the general pedigree awakening system? What other pedigrees are there?
On the other hand, as I have already been pointed out to by a more knowledgeable reviewer, too many details lead to the loss of the artistic description of the novel. and how to find a middle ground? That it was not too boring, but also to make it clear what was going on? question. questions? I have no answer yet, but maybe the author has it?
It is interesting that a woman is more bloodthirsty than a man.
Something the culting of the cosmic king, the campaign on the ugly duckling, who then turned into a beautiful swan, I had such an analogy.
IMHO very good insertion of humor, the story comes to life immediately. getting brighter!
Silk? Is it like an internal system? Interesting!
I will say that the plot is original, there are no borrowings from other novels, events develop slowly, but interestingly, the idea is revealed, there is humor that brightens reading, makes you smile, improves your mood. So, the author, knowingly writes, if his novels are capable of changing the mood!
The only minus that other reviewers have pointed out is a slow update. But this is probably due to the fact that less is more, although in the novel it was written more better than less. But the author is right, it is better to write small chapters, not so much, but already clarified. Instead of presenting a pile of primitive diamonds, the author gets one or two already cut diamonds! It was a metaphor.
Thank you for such an interesting work, respect the author!
Waiting for more!
Reveal Spoiler 
LV 13 ![Badge]()
invayne
Quite good. I like how he was of a different race, to begin with. The concept of having to absorb bloodlines for cultivations is pretty good as well. Good job keep up the good work.
Reveal Spoiler 
LV 10 ![Badge]()
FrozenSynapses
Author here shamelessly promoting his own book. Updates haven't been stable, and I am just getting started on the world's system and politic stuff. I do know that my grammar and sentence structure is good. Also, the story is developing slowly, but there's reasons to that...I believe I'm making the character's dynamic and full of personality so that you guys, the readers, will be able to guess how the character would react to certain events. Thanks for those who are sticking by, even with the slow release rate!!
LV 5 ![Badge]()
saintk
enjoying the novel it has the one thing i love space/ spatial abilities, only downside to this is the disappointing slow updates, would have been better if the slow updates started occurring when the chapter are around 600 - 900 but this is way too early.
LV 14 ![Badge]()
Overlord_Venus
I really enjoyed the story progression till now, but my only disappointment is the slow release rate. I really hope that the author can atleast release 3 per week.
_Rain