Reviews of Emperor of Heaven by daoist_om - Webnovel

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26Reviews

4.36

  • Writing Quality
  • Stability of Updates
  • Story Development
  • Character Design
  • World Background

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zd4zaas
Hi! This is kera, an editor of the international writing contest SWA II. I believe your book has great potential, so I invited you to join in a week ago. Please reply to me so I can discuss this with you in detail.
2yr
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Daoist1rvBov
Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.
3yr
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DeJeL
LV 15 Badge

DeJeL

*Remember, This review is based on the first 5 Chapters* Constructive Criticism: I feel that you are a little lacking in World Background thus far, I'd suggest adding some sort of "Explaining the world" to it, even if that'd only work as part of a prologue. Also, There was a few short Hiatuses without warning, So Hence the deduction in Stability of Updates. Positive Feedback: Well written, rather regular updates, strong Character Design & plot. Personal Feedback: I enjoyed reading this and 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 continue reading this in future. Score: WQ 5/5 SoU 4/5 SD 5/5 CD 5/5 WB 4/5
5yr
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killermniko
So most people have touched upon the grammar thing. It's not the best but pretty manageable to still read. Overall it is a story with a purpose. I can see where the character heading. The big thing is I want more on the character development and the world around him. Overall good story with a definite weak to strong cultivator. WQ: 3/5. SU: 5/5. SD: 5/5. CD: 3/5. WB: 4/5
5yr
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DarkTempest
Overall I think the premise so far is interesting, but it is similar to some other novels I've read. I'm interested to see how you make it different and better than those! The writing could use some work though. I understand that English isn't your first language so you should spend a bit more time editing. There are a lot of basic spelling errors and punctuation errors which you can fix pretty easily. The character development so far is decent but you can do a bit better. I haven't gotten enough of who the character is and their motivations just yet, but I assume it'll come soon. World building is pretty good. Overall good but definitely can be better!
5yr
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Immovable087
gj. keep it coming them chapters! ^_^ gj. keep it coming them chapters! ^_^ gj. keep it coming them chapters! ^_^ gj. keep it coming them chapters! ^_^
5yr
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BAJJ
LV 13 Badge

BAJJ

A review as a reader. Okay, so I feel like the story is all over the place. It was sometimes confusing, probably to the wrong positioning of punctuation marks. I know Author's language wasnt english but you can work on that. It was interesting but I just think that some info are better if you give them through conversation or something that would spice up the story and the like instead of just plainly giving it away. I really hope that it would improve and re-edit because this story has some potential.
5yr
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LuoYeYouLing
Storyline is great. If you can fix those below, this novel would be able to attract more readers. Chapter 2 - suddenly changed to first person view? "...I was crying out loud..." Lots of missing comma. Missing open and close quotation mark that makes it hard to separate the narrative and monologues. Wrong capitalization of alphabets. Wrong word used in Chapter 3 - should be 'runt' not 'rut' Generally, try to avoid having conversation in the middle of the paragraphs. Either put the conversation at the beginning or as the last sentence. Grammar is definitely a problem here. I noticed in one of the comments that English is your third language. I can understand what you are trying to say, but it was not without difficulty. While I don't focus that much on grammar, it is still important. Try to brush up more on your English as you continue to write. Yours, Luo Ye
5yr
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DarkClaymore
I'd normally try to ignore bad grammar because most original writers here are amateurs, but this story has a great deal of them so I have to point it out. Missing capitalization, unclosed quotations, bad spacing etc. Sadly, there are far too many to ignore. With that said, the good news is that this aspect seems to improve as the story goes on. The author said English isn't his first language, so I'm sure he'll improve in that aspect as he keeps writing. I also recommending a little more proofreading, because ****** mistake like capitalization and unnecessary spacing are things you can easily catch even by just skimming the story. As for the story itself, it's the usual mainstream "weak MC who finds a way to become stronger." Those who like the genre will definitely feel at home. One thing I'd like to point out is how the MC comes off a little too whiny early on. From the moment we're introduced to him, all we ever hear is how miserable his life is and how how pitiful he is. We don't really see him do anything that makes us interested in him and his life story. So, that's something I'd put more emphasize on. Rather than presenting the MC as the most pitiful person in the world, try to make him do more things that'd make the reader respect him. For example, the way he manages to impress the Immortal with his etiquette is a good example. Something like that would have been great earlier into the story.
5yr
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Eustoma_Reyna
Keep up the good work. It's my first time writing a novel so I am not good at giving comments. But I do appreciate efforts so hope you continues with your work and goodluck in the future... 😉😊
5yr
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M_A_Ilmi
I like the story so far. Keep going on. ======================================================================================================================= I love it
5yr
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EldridSmith
Though there is room for improvement in grammar, i think with some help that that will be fixed. I think the story has a lot of potential, and that the author will one day make this story amazing.
5yr
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ImBloo
Story: pretty typical xianxia plot, loser MC stumbles upon a cheat in the form of old master. Remains to be seen if you manage to do something new with it. Character: pretty unremarkable. MC's too young to be relatable. His sole motivation up to chap 8 is... do whatever the master says to avoid dying, I guess? Presentation: Your work needs significant editing. I'll just point out the most glaring mistakes. * Punctuation / capitalization mistakes. - "where is he? we have to kill him..." - Character and location names not capitalized: Chen yang - a lot of sentences should be broken up by commas. " Dear Chen I've got not much time left in the world and please remember that your father always loves you" * Grammar: Xham Chen treated coldly towards him * Missing words first he should (verb?) around the entire (noun?) which is around 10 kilometres (6.2 miles) * Others - Dialogues and monologues sometimes are not separated from description and are a pain to read. - Long, wordy descriptions make the writing lose momentum and emotion. - You should break up long paragraphs into short ones. Long paras are difficult to read on mobile devices.
5yr
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DrunkenShadow
use grammarly or something. I was frustrated, really frustrated because of the bullying, I think its time to kick some ass. good story, keep it up, goodluck.
5yr
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Hyowha
So I’ve read through the first 7 chapters, and the most glaring issue, as others have noticed, is the grammar. Things such as puntication, tenses and paragraphing has already been mentioned, so I’m not going to talk about it again. Instead I’ll talk a little bit about the structure. I can tell that this story has potential, and was well thought through, but a ****** it is written in a way that makes it hard to read, the idea gets lost. For example, sometimes it’s too crammed, as one topic jumps to another really fast, or when it switches through perspectives. Maybe a general outline would help. Because writing is not just about telling what’s happening, but make it interesting for the eyes and the mind too, The story, as said before has potential, I like it. The Main character is well defined and has a clear background and motivation. Then we have the immortal who, I take it, i should supposed to be a guide for the Mcs adventure. The story might appear overdone, but the way the plot revolves around the mc gives it a fresh take. I do hope that it will keep being regularly upgraded, because I believe it’s has a lot of potential, but is undermined by its grammar. The stability of updates is very good btw :P at least a lot better than mine.
5yr
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HiatusLord
Here is my first review (I hope they rate and review my book) Writing Quality: It was OK, i read some comments that you need to improve your Punctuation so it won't be confused to the readers. Stability of Updates: Slow but I recommend you to write maximum 2k words below so you will update fast just like i did. Story Development: This is the strongest point on this Novel, i can't say anything about this. Character Design: Nothing much else to describe in this story. World Background: Nothing much explained about in this world but it will grow sometime. I hope you will learn my thoughts and have a nice day.
5yr
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cola_addict
[Please take note that this is my initial impression after 5 chapters.] First the 'Good'. The plot is a recurring theme. A young boy obtaining an inheritance then tries to reach the pinnacle, avenge the people that wronged him along the way. It's a tried and tested formula. It can be a good read if the author can take advantage of common plot points (**cough** face smacking **cough**) at the same time introducing unique aspects into the novel. I have only seen two main characters so far and it seems like the development is going well. Maybe their appearances and personalities can be a bit more fleshed out. World background is a bit shallow but it can be filled in as the main character interacts with his surroundings so it is okay. Now the 'Bad'. Proofread. Proofread. Proofread. Run the novel through sites like Grammarly or Scribens. This will take care of most of the errors and punctuation. More often than not, I have difficulty determining where the sentence ends when reading. Sentences jump from one idea to another. Dissect them into separate chunks and organize them according to the flow of ideas. Dialogue and inner monologue are confusing as well. It is better to mark those with different quotations. Abruptly switching point of views is also a problem. Stick to one view and keep that in mind when writing. I will review this again when appropriate changes are made because no novel deserves to be bogged down by bad reviews it received during its infancy period. All the best to the author.
5yr
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MishalZamir
The stability of update is quite good and the development of characters is super fun.Just a little improvement is needed for writing skills yet the whole story is intriguing :) x -Mishal
5yr
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Dark_Reality
The writing between first person and third person perspective is really confusing. The story looks good but I can't say much because there are not enough chapters. I recommend you to use Grammarly or ProWritingAid as they will greatly improve the story. If you improve the writing quality then many people will read your story.
5yr
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Navakor
For the moment the story is cool ! But the writing is not really exceptional. Sometimes you make very long sentences and it's difficult to read smoothly. Also try using something else than the MC's name from times to times, because it makes your paragraphs repetitive. But besides that, I'm looking forward the next chapters, and I recommend giving it a try !
5yr
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Gyihhuhu_
[I am in no way acting assholish or rude, it's just how people should review things; directly and without hiding anything, even if it means inciting hatred or spite from the author or the readers.] Before I go into detail or rate anything, I'd like to mention first the mistakes I've noticed that were: glaring, horrendous and straight abhorrent to the point of driving away readers. (CHAPTER 1) = 1/ "In a town of Shenjeng a young boy was working in fields pretty much for whole two days without much rest." — ignoring the grammatical problem in the first four words, I have a major problem associating or immersing myself in novels that have less-than stellar descriptions of the surroundings and, in general, everything. I mean, before you focus on the protagonist ploughing the fields or something; I'd like it if you showed the scenery surrounding him, what he was standing on(was it wet or skin-shredding dry?), what he was looking at. Then on to the rest of the chapter, I'd like it if you described everything more, again. And fix the spacing and typos(use grammarly, which I have a major problem with sometimes) The protagonist is cute — yeah, but I'd like to know the color of his eyes, his skin(#NoRacism), and his hair please. But yes, there's a lot of problems in your capitalizatiom. And yeah! There's another problem in this — you DO NOT CHANGE THE POV SUDDENLY FROM THIRD PERSON OMNIPRESENT VIEW TO THE FIRST PERSON VIEW! Anyways, let's go on... (CHAPTER 2 & 3) = I like how you used the suicide well. Great idea. But then again, I noticed a lot more mistakes/typos/syntax errors in this chapter than the first, meaning that you devoted less time in this chapter than the previous, right? But yes, I'd like it you made the chapters a bit more lengthier. And yes, the writing flows really smoothly; it will flow like the water from a pu- *cough* I mean, the writing will flow more smoothly if you fix the typos and fix the spacing problem. Look at my novel(no, not Golden Watch but colorful brides) or even any novel from a good author, and learn how they write. Imma delete this and re-do this review once I read until chapter 10. Until then, bye. Grammar and Usage of Punctuation - 3.5/5 = Above average in the webnovel community and below average in the RRL community(I fucking hate them...). Some superfluous and descriptive words —which would enhance the syntax a bit and improve on the description problem— are missing. Description(is this even a category in the rating system?) - 2/5 = it's bad. Story - 4.5/5 = I'm a sucker for xianxia and xuanhuan, waddya expect? And yes, I would've liked the story without the bias anyway. Flow - 4/5 = No comments. Writing skillz of ze author - 4/5 (Bolstered due to the author being a newbie. Yeah, I like putting other people up and uplifting their emotions, so what?) Characters - 1.5/5 = Sorry, but this is where I feel this story is lacking at. I want real characters, meaningful antagonists, real main characters — and this one's characters (EVEN THOUGH IT'S EARLY) feel like cardboards. It's like they don't have their own thought processes. Dude you're using the omnipresent third person view, use it and show the other characters emotions and thoughts. Personal biased comment = If there are haters, don't listen. Keep going and uploading the chappies... IS THERE HAREM? IF SO 10/10 WILL VOTE FOR YOU!!!!!!
5yr
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Ierrech
Oh, no more chapters :( I was just getting into the story :( enjoyed it! Haven't read that many chinese-setting English originals for awhile! Others have probably mentioned it but... quite a few typos to clean up, which would upgrade the reading quality alot! Keep up the great work and write moar!!
5yr
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Afternoone
Quite a fun read, I wish there was more chapters. There are some glaring mistakes though, the spacing between some words are not equal, some punctuation are misplaced. Capital letters appear at wrong places. Maybe you should try downloading a sentence checking app or something to reduce such mistakes. He was afraid of the immortal and he had still dare to scold the immortal. Probably he thought he was going to die, so no harm done by scolding him( my Guess). Keep up the good work!
5yr
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BabyTanuki
While the author should learn to use a website like grammarly, they created a very interesting beginning. I actually like the 2nd and 3rd chapter and how the ball starts to roll for the MC. It reminds me of a very Ghibli beginning. I feel the grammar is really holding the book back from doing much better. Work on it author! You can do it! Everyone has a rough start, so I expect with the website I recommend, the author shall do much better in the future.
5yr
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HavenlyJeep
Story Premise (4 out of 5): - One of the better premise in this site. A kid that experiences hardships all his life and woken up in a cave where he meets an old immortal. Writing Quality (3 out of 5): - I suggest you register for a Google Drive account. It has Google Docs app in it. Write your chapters in Google Docs from now on, as it can help you TREMENDOUSLY in grammar and spell-checking. Download LanguageTool add-ons inside Google Docs before you start. - Other than that, keep writing. The more you write, the more you will become adept in writing. Updates (5 out of 5): - Check Table of Contents. Story Development (4 out of 5): - The story is great. I understands where the story will be going from chapter to chapter. The pacing needs to be faster, since there's no hook in the initial chapters. Readers will drop the novel if there's nothing interesting. Character Design (3 out of 5): - I don't know how Chen Yang (the MC) and the old immortal look like. Describe your characters more. List a few unique traits for them. World (4 out of 5): - It's good. No info dump like other chinese novels I've read. However, you need to describe the surroundings even more. More detailed.
5yr
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daoist_om
this is my first story as an author i want everyone to see this content so i will be rating this higher i want to your opinions regarding the story and characters if you like to
5yr
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