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Hey author, are you ever planning on coming back to work on this excellent story or should I give up all hope and just erase it from my list of novels I’m reading and stop voting for it every single day on both of my accounts like I’ve been doing for the last several months for no reason?
Holy heck how could i forget to slap a five star review on this masterpiece!? It's a good book. I recommend. Should recieve more support. How do people fill these to hundred and fourty i have no idea, im not a critique person and its my first time reviewing something here. But seriusly it's a good book, read it.
Why you should read this book:
It has a unique plot with a lot (and I mean a lot) of potential for growth. Judging from the first five chapters I've read, the author can decide to take this book in a lot of different directions. What really got my attention though was the dialogues. Real, interesting and to the point like I like them. I loved the way you've described the world and characters but this has also turned into your weakness in the book which I'll get to later. Katos was a favourite of mine. Psycho characters are easy to write but hard to maintain in personality, but from the five chapters I've read his personality stayed true to his love of twisted fun and feeling of superiority over others. I'd personally like to see more of him throughout the book.
What the author needs to work on:
This book requires editing. Heavy editing. When I read the first five chapters, I came across a lot of typos, grammar errors and punctuation errors, so for the grammar police, this book might take a toll on you.
I also noticed that you've clubbed a lot of sentences together, including dialogues, in your paragraphs. This tends to annoy readers and they tend to skip a lot of things. I did. Your descriptions were amazing but it was the same thing over and over again so I tried looking for the new stuff unknowingly. Before I knew it I had skipped a lot of things.
Try separating your dialogues and sentences. This is just an example:
"Now, that was fun wasn't it?!" Katos exclaimed, a gleeful expression on his face looking at the blood and gore on the floor.
Reina looked on, unfazed and undisturbed from where she stood in her corner of the room.
Descriptions help a reader visualise but too much tends to bore. I would suggest keeping short, crisp descriptions for the action part, relatively longer ones for the background and medium ones for the characters. The main character was too robotic for me to connect to. Unlike how you portrayed Katos the MC was too plain. The starting of the chapter could have gone a bit like this to hook in the readers:
Go to school. Return. Eat. Then sleep.
That's all Reina Strauss' life had become.
She looked at a picture of her mom and a man whose face she had torn off...
This shows us Reina's pain and sadness more and makes us wonder what happened to her mother.
I hope this helps you.
Well i review this already.. but i still want to give another opinion.. this plot is good... but sometimes overwelming..i read it again and again to understand some dialouge.. but its too deep for me to understand..thats i repeatedly read it...
It's awesome that you are back to a regular schedule of releases again, but there seems to be some trouble with opening the comments section for the latest chapters. When I click on the comment button all I get is a blank white page with a loading circle going 'round and 'round, it won't let me comment at all. I just thought I should mention this to you in case you think no one cares to comment. We want to, we just aren't able to. Anyway, keep up the good work!
What the hell? Why are you not updating? This is my favourite story on web novel and you're just abandoning it? This is ridiculous! Why can't you keep this story going? Hell I'd even pay those silly stones for chapters of this interesting tale. So hurry up and post! Stop ignoring us!
Why must this continue? You are killing me. This is my favourite read anywhere. It's really that cool in my opinion. So please stop trying to drive the people who enjoy it away. Release your daily chapters!
I think it is a great novel and I really liked it. I will keep reading your novel!
Also just so you know, paragraphs are pretty long and it is hard to read it on phone. If you can make them shorter, that would be better I think. Just my opinion tho.
From what I've read so far, the MC, from Earth, transmigrated to a fantasy world where the iron fist rules. There are no Game-Elements or Systems since this webnovel is a pure Fantasy novel.
Writing Quality: Although there are grammatical and tenses errors, the writing still flows and is easy to read. Some spelling mistakes here and there but that doesn't really distract or dissuade the readers to keep on reading.
Stability of Updates: I've never followed this work from the start but from what I've seen and checked from the release dates of the past chapters and other reviews, the update is slow. However, the author HAVE said that she (I think it's she) writes and publishes only when she has the time to so...can't really blame her.
Story: The story flows pretty well and the plot is just getting good in my opinion. The author probably has the scene of the stuff that's going on in her head or saved somewhere as I can see that she already has a plan for her story. The only thing that bugs me is that the author tends to "tell" rather than "show" the scenes, the world, and the story.
Character: Although not everyone, the characters are fleshed out and the dialogue that are exchanged between the characters are portrayed nicely. At least there are no moronic young masters alongside their ever so moronic backup elders in this novel so that's a plus for me.
Oh, just noticed this, you still need to modify the art you've used for the cover of this book because it has the misspelled heroin instead of heroine, the first being an addictive painkilling euphoria inducing opioid drug, and the second being the female version of hero.
Pretty interesting novel, but the update stability is lacking.
However, the grammar is pretty good from what I have seen minus several errors.
I do recommend spacing paragraphs and sentences more because while it is fine for normal novels, most readers on WN read mobile. Meaning, chunky paragraphs make readers lose their minds and drop.
But, good novel, keep it up!
Hey, I really like the dialog in this story between your main characters and the antagonists, however, i just found it a tiny bit hard to read with the huge paragraphs.
However, other than that, I like the start of the start so, so much, and can tell you thought about it a lot.
Maybe a bit more world background in the beginning though?
Anyways, hope you can keep improving on your writing technique, and growing as an author!
Yeah man! Way to come back with some red! Glad to know the new schedule, and I will keep on dropping every damn power stone I get on this book because it's awesome and I really want to see what happens to our little wolf.
Hey, so when's the next update? Things were going along awesome and I got used to you dropping a chapter everyday for my own personal M4L4DD1CT10N, but then they're suddenly gone! So what's up loco? You planning to get this moving again please? I love this story! Or maybe you have a strange release schedule?
So here's my guess on the new situation...all the extra damage caused to both of them makes me think Lydis released some kind of Sylphir based attack, unconsciously or maybe even consciously, that her body wasn't strong enough to support yet. This led to the extra damage to both Blair's face and resperitory system from the attack, as well as to Lydis herself from her inability to support the strength of her own attack yet.
Would highly recommend it to people who want a darker theme. Though it's still slow I'm sure it'll pick up since the story is progressing a bit!
The only thing I wouldn't rate it five out of five is the stability of the updates. Besides that this is a must read for those who like some gore and awesome fights!!
Keep it up author!
This is a really dark piece of work, but if you don't mind blood and gore and enjoy well thought out action scenes that have a sense of realism mixed in with some wild weapon ideas and effects, this is one you don't want to miss. Everything from the characters to the world building is top notch and loaded with quality, I only wish there was an infinite quantity as well so I could enjoy for hours on end. I gave everything five stars except update consistency only because it's all new to me and I just binged everything there is so I have no clue how consistently it updates. Final thoughts: read this!
There are only 9 chapters for now, so I can't make a great review. But still I can say, that I REALLY like where this is going.
Just a little advise because you startet with the power rankings, I hope you don't raise the requirments too high like in the normal chinese-cultivation LNs. You know somthing like "only one in tenthousend can make that breaktrough" in every realm (or in your case stage(?)) but in the end there are still thousends of them. Because of that, the development of side chars (friend and foe) seems at one point unrealistic. I think somthing like "only 60 or 80 % can reach the next stage" is better...I mean if you sum it up, the propability is still low to reach a high rank and rhey still need time to "level up".
An also please don't make the streanth disparity too grat between the stages, otherwise your social constract may collaps if there is one person who can kill his way through a country all on his own. There would also be the problem, that there have to be good reasons why the MC don't meet them until he/she is stong enough...most times solved with lazily with different realms to live in, and that MC was born in a realm where one can't cultivate/train properly. Chapter 9 was still ok, because the now dead guys were idiots and didn't attack all together, but please be carefull.
And you should also let someone else read the chapter first. I like your writing style, but somtimes there are some words twice in a sentence, or somthing similar.
I look forward to where the story is going, so thank you for now and keep it up!
Sorry in advance for my possible disastrous grammar but I do not speak English well enough. I love this story so much! She has great potential both in history and in her characters!
Congratulations to the author! Keep writing this story!
**: I venerate the way you give nicknames, I'm so bad with that!
It's not far enough along to where I actually want to review but I just had to for one reason. Heroine. That is the word you needed to use. Not heroin. Heroin is another name for diamorphine the opioid. Heroine is the female character role/other definitions.