10Reviews
4.54
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LV 5 ![Badge]()
Samayra_Akhtar
I liked the phrase part π
Honestly i read your story out of curiosity to find out the similarity in your story and mine, after your comment in the review of my story.
I am happy that the only similarity i found is that our main leads are depressed over their loved ones demise. But mine definitely didn't kill her lover with a knife πππππππ
Now coming to your story...... it's really good. Yeah yeah it's sad but i liked how you showed the struggle of a girl who is different from others. It's very much related to reality. People bullying such people is seen. I don't know how they have the hurt to bully and hurt otherππ
It's sad, very sad. I liked your description and your idea of using phrases.β€β€β€
LV 4 ![Badge]()
IceSnowball
I like how the author started off with thought-provoking phrase about how even the silence has something to say.
I like the author instantly captured the reader's attention with the image of blood.
I like how the author has set a background for the story within the first few sentences. I also like that there is already a problem present - sometimes when I read stories that slowly build up to a problem, it doesn't engage me as much.
I understand what the author meant when they wrote: 'As if my mind had already given up the task of listening to me',
but it was a bit confusing and hard to understand because if the character's mind had already given up listening to them, then where is the 'me'? - is that the character's heart?
I like how the author used a valued possession (her hair) of the protagonist to show how much pain they were suffering when they lost it.
I also like the way the author used the protagonist's situation (of being a mute) to show that she wanted to speak, but couldn't speak.
The writing is really good and the story is really moving.
Good jobπ
LV 10 ![Badge]()
WithJ
Normally I would break down my reviews into updates, characters, world and story but since this is a one-short, itβs kind of not applicable.
Just something I noticed about the dialogues though...
Original:
"If you still want to stick to her, go ahead." The blonde said turning her back.
"Wait! No! I don't want to! Who wants to be with a mute?! Let's go." The girl said desperately, clinging to the blonde.
Edited:
"If you still want to stick to her, go ahead,β the blonde said turning her back.
"Wait! No! I don't want to! Who wants to be with a mute?! Let's go,β the girl said desperately, clinging to the blonde.
^A comma should be used and not a period because dialogue tags are following the dialogues.
This one-shot is definitely not for the faint-hearted. It is very heavy and filled with angst, depression, loneliness from a teenager bullied by her peers because of her speech impairment. When Yui painted that picture, I was silently screaming in my head why the instructor did not see that was a cry for help?! I know it was a one-shot but at the end, I was still kind of wondering why she killed her first love? Anyway, what can I say, sadly bullying is too real a problem.
Reveal Spoiler 
LV 4 ![Badge]()
XYX
The plot is good. Writing quality is more than satisfying. The story is dark and depressing but I liked it.
Still, there are some things which aren't clear. You could have revealed Yui's secret of killing Roku. Also, some things should have been revealed......
This was close to becoming a novel which I would remember for a long time. But no worries....... All the best for your future novels.
LV 10 ![Badge]()
LIght_Novel_San
I need air. I need to breathe.... It's so heavy.
The mood is very dark and the way MC speaks or even her monologue shouts the word 'MISFORTUNE' all over her.
This made me think something.... Who was it that makes us, us? Is it the society or the environment we lives in that shapes us? Or is it ourselves that contributed of who we are? Is the society bad because they judge us? Or is it ourselves because we made that choice?
Hoooo...I need to read BL right now to cleanse my mind.. π¨ββ€οΈβπβπ¨
LV 6 ![Badge]()
SaiKirito
I gotta admit it, this is really good. Great work and I really felt a bit emotional when I finished reading it. A part of me wants to read more while the other part doesn't wants to because of the sadness it gives me. I can feel how the character felt when everyone avoided her and when her only friend ended her own life. Being alone is the most cruelest thing in the world. It can make people go mad because there is no one for us and make us give up on life. That's why I feel sad for her. Avoiding someone just because they are disabled is equal to letting go of your humanity. I hope more great works like this will be created and make everyone understand that everyone has a heart and no one deserves to be left alone. Thank you.
Reveal Spoiler 
LV 4 ![Badge]()
Paper_Crane
*kicks door in* YOU DESERVE MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(and my fic pls)
ππ
[Eh, 140 characters? Excuse me, lemme fill the review place with nonsenses. Like, seriously]
LV 2 ![Badge]()
RyuuKota
Ah! Author, you almost made me cry.
I can relate to the story a lot. I loved it. Loved Yui, her character and her depression. Roku hasn't been explained much but I still like him.
The descriptions were well written.
I wish you would write moreee...
Thanks!
LV 13 ![Badge]()
Alison35
The storyline is quite strong.
The author has done a great job!
I loved how the author started the entry with a quote, which I think are self made quotes.
This is an eye opener about depression...
It was bitter sweet in the beginning. Then the revelations were quite a shock. The last two chapters were scary enough to give you goosebumps.
I personally loved this novel! β€ A must read.
But still there's a cliff hanger. Why did Yui kill Roku?
Joker_x