This fix has quite a lot of potential, you just need to fix grammar, spacing, capitalization, run on sentences, unnecessarily big paragraphs, and an editor. If you are interested I could be a sort of beta reader / editor, just message me if interested.
Good job Ed Boy, the overall is story is fantastic, I would read this anywhere, on the plain, in an attic, or when I’m hiding from god, thank you for this experience
Chad_Thundercock