Reviews of Fools Paradise by Delphonse - Webnovel

Shameless Author here, with a shameless review. I wrote a novel recently, which is Reincarnate as Prince:Change Magical World with Industry. It was my very first attempt at writing, and there may be some mistakes and errors in it, but I still feel extremely proud of it and enjoy it thoroughly. Please give my story a try and leave some comments for me. Thank you! htt**://rb.gy/sxwmsa

Series is removed and being redone in a new name for anyone that is wondering or curious. I had 30 some chapters for a competition but now I am cleaning it up and making it a real series!

It's a well-written system/action story that, while I have seen this kind of story before, I can still enjoy it for the good writing and fun story developments. That said, it does take a while to grow on me and I would request new readers (if they actually read this before reading the book) to give it time as they read it and let themselves get accustomed to the story beats. Good work, author!

The novel is a generic magic academy story. The MC is chosen on his 14th birthday. Then on the first day of class, he manages to learn something, get involved in a commotion, and gain a friend as well as a sneering rival. All in a day's work for the average magic school beginning. As the story progresses though...it should be more exciting than this? The narration is a bit dry. May I recommend this essay to you? http://blog.freshessays.com/writing-powerful-sentences/ It is something I'm also working on for myself, and has helped a lot. Also, you don't have to detail every action a person takes in a conversation. Or if you like actions better than words, it is in fact possible not to make people speak in a conversation. You can answer words with actions, like a wave or a scoff without saying anything. You can detail actions to imply words that don't need to be spoken, like a mocking glare responding to a greeting or something. The conversations would be more exciting that way. For dialogue, may I recommend this article? https://***.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-write-great-dialogue#4-writing-prompts-to-practice-great-dialogue The Fool's Paradise subplot mystery elevates the ******* a bit, which is a good thing. I now feel and hope that the protags are set on the road to Laputa. The MC...I feel he's portrayed a bit too childishly for his age. Too innocent and too energetic. He comes off as a seven-year old actually. Others may disagree of course. It may be only personal taste as I like my protagonists a bit more mature. The characters are bland. They're not bad, they are certainly likable, just not memorable enough. Even the strange teachers fall flat because the character traits that should make them interesting seem forced. Well, it gets better as the story progresses, mostly after chapter 10. The author at this juncture has started getting a feel for his characters. They're not so forced anymore. I just feel that a character should be recognizable right away - maybe not their hopes and dreams right off the bat but something of the core of them. Once more, may I recommend an article? https://writetodone.com/most-memorable-characters/ The story is good, the plot progressing at a nice pace, the grammar well done. But it's not enough to have good plot or characters, the words that these treasures rest on are important as well. Writing style is one of those things that can make or break the interest of a reader. (I say that while not having a definite writing style yet, hahahhh) This reviewer believes that the author is finally getting into the swing of the story, but I'm saying that having read 20 chapters. The 'swing' of a story must start at the very first chapter or even before that. Keep on trucking, author! The story definitely has potential

Ok, that was pretty much worth my time as it is a very nice magical world to dig in! Don't belive me? Then I urge you to read the first five chapters or so... You'll soon find yourself on the most recently uploaded chapter wishing for more!😁 God bless the author! I, together with your avid readers wish for the fruition of this tier-1 work of yours^^ We will be waiting for the unraveling of the 'Fools Paradise'

Thought it was great. Couldn't wait for more. Keep it up your doing a good job with story line and characters. Keep writing and trying different writing styles.

Reading this novel was worth my time. The plotline was very much interesting, and the author did a good job at expressing it! 😄 All the best!

To be honest, the start is interesting especially the fact that this is about mages. The writing is very descriptive which I like. Enjoyed reading it so far!!

So, everything about this novel is great! The writing style is great! And it seems like the author really enjoys writing this; and there's nothing better than a passionate author. The ability to take up some criticism and better the novel through it also made me like the author and the book. Keep doing the good work. For all the readers, hope you enjoy this novel! Sincerely, The Chimp

The story is well-written and has a good start too. It has cliffhangers that will make you want to read even more! The world background is nice and great too! Well, keep up the good work

Off to a great start with likable multidimensional characters to draw the reader right into the story. Looking forward to seeing how the story unfolds as our young mage learns and hones his craft.

The story rushes you into the scene, but you quickly acclimate and quickly prepare for the adventures to come with our young mage! Can’t wait to see where the story goes.

love our story . fun to see all the character development and the flow in the story improving. keep up the good work! cant wait to see what happens next.

like always, you create a magical story loosely based on real life observation and experiences, and how you want to see things turn out for the better. cant wait to add this book to the my personal library ;)

Great start! Using Present tense to Write third-person narratives is very tricky to pull off, but you seem to get the hang of it. Good luck!

I love it!!! This is very well written and very enjoyable to read. It keeps the reader entertained and excited to find out what is next! This is the kind of story that has the reader on trying to figure where the story is going to go.

From what I seen so far this story is very interesting. You seem to build a lot of things very quickly when you first read the 1st chapter. This dose grab my attention a bit.

Good start and well written. Love magical world so can;t wait to see where this story goes. P>s it says chapter 0 because I scrolled back up

I love the magical world you have created. I also love how the main character is trying to prove himself. I can't wait to read more of your story!