Hii~ I read your work and it has an interesting ideas. However, maybe when you typed a dialogue, you can use this symbol: "..." — For example: Evelyn yelled excitedly, "Woahhh!"
You can also try to use a conflict to tell the readers about what happened. It will make the readers more comfortable to read your stories 🥰
Btw, please kindly check my work too from #WFP 20 called "The Last Chance I Could Live!" 🙈 I'll be waiting for your review, comment, and vote too 🧏♀️
amarieheath