Hey bro Ori here, you're such a weeb this is the first novel I read it's wonderful make more chapters of this I am a weeb for you know so make more :).
The story seems alright although it's a bit too one dimensional. It needs some layers , I suggest you read some novels first and focus on grammer and writing which could be adjusted with a bit of proof read.
I'm looking forward to more:-)
Aagam_Jain