As a Yu-Gi-Oh fan I liked reading this however some of the sentences don't make sense and there are some spelling mistakes.However, overall a good read and interesting story.
I enjoy the story but in my personal preference try to use more of a variety of words. For example instead of just using said, you could use something like told or replied
Don't stop writing, you can do it. Don't stop expressing, or you'll dull the skill. Don't stop improving, writer fever makes us ill. Don't stop having fun, story must be told and seen.
gintoki_