After such events, I had spent my few days inside my room.
It's not like I was ordered to do so. I just wanted to think for a bit. About my past, as Hakuya Soraki and about the girl, at that dark place
However, I couldn't remember anything, at all.
If I were to explain it, it feels like you dived onto a deep sea thinking that it would be pretty deep down, but you just float back unable to see what you want to.
It feels like that. It's the same with when I'm trying to remember about my past and with the girl.
The only thing I could remember about my past is the fact that my parents abandoned me, around that time when I was 7.
About the girl…Well, I don't even know her physical appearance, just her voice. So, it is hard to be confident on who she is and what my relationship with her.
I sighed. "Ngh..! Grahhh!" I shouted, as I ruffled my hair strongly.
Staying here at my room trying to figure out this mystery won't take me anywhere. I should get some air outside.
I went out of my room.
My feet dragged me to the usual courtyard that I stay at. "Connor is not here, huh..?" I mumbled, as I looked around from the open corridor that leaded to the courtyard.
I gasped, as my eyes stopped at a tree. Beneath the tree, there was a magenta haired girl that I haven't seen before.
"Who are you..?" I asked, as I came near her. She looked at me, and slowly became a bit surprised. "Theia, why are you wearing boy's clothes?" She asked.
I remained silent, as I felt dots passed by us.
"I am not Theia" I stated. "My name is Edward Finn von Collins, I am Theia's little brother" I introduced.
She gasped. "Brother, huh..?" She looked at me, with a dumbfounded face.
Do I look like Altheia that much? Well, I have the same curly light blonde hair as her. And, our facial features kinda look alike. So, I guess I do.
"You, who are you?" I asked. "I am Theia's friend" She stated.
So, she has some friends. I've thought of Theia as a loner, due to her always irritated attitude towards me.
"Well, I guess her irritation is only directed to me…" I mumbled. The girl looked at me, with a confused face. "It's nothing" I stated.
I mumbled, "Your name?"
"Ah" She gasped, before standing up. "I am Alicia Claes" She introduced, as she held her hand out to me.
I grabbed her hand. "Nice to meet you, Prince Edward" She smiled.
Alicia Claes, huh? Hmm…Claes? If I am right, Claes is the family name of the Commander of Knights.
In the Doghanik Empire, there are three figures that stands on the top. First is of course, the Emperor, my father.
Second is the Bishop and the last is the Commander of Knights.
The Emperor reigns over the Empire, while the Bishop reigns over the Cathedral. And the Commander of Knights reigns over the Capital and the knights.
It's quite a deep topic, so I'll leave the other details later.
Now, it seems that this girl is the daughter of Theodore Claes, the commander of knights. But, I guess she can be Sir Graham's daughter, as well.
Graham Claes, my father's personal knight and Theodore's little brother. I do know him, but I haven't seen him yet.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. "I finally managed to find you, Ed!" Someone said, as I jolted. I turned and saw Seria behind me.
"What is it, Seria?" I asked, with a surprised face. "Your father is looking for you…" She stated, as she panted. "Father..?" I mumbled.
Seria looked at Alicia. "You are Sir Graham's niece, right?" She crouched, as she asked Alicia. "Yes, I am" Alicia answered.
Alicia added, "I am waiting for Theia here. She left a few minutes ago, saying she had a book that she wants to show me"
So, they were really friends…
"Alicia!" A familiar voice called. "Theia!" Alicia's face widened, as she slowly stood. "What are you doing here, Ed?" Theia's smile turned into a frown.
I sighed. "I was walking around and found Alicia, so I kinda talked with her for a bit" I stated, as I looked at Seria.
"Let's go. It seems that Theia has come to accompany Alicia" I stated, as I came near Seria. "I look forward with seeing you again, Alicia" I spoke, before we left.
Did I kinda seem like a creepy guy? I hope not. Well, it's better than starting off a fight with Theia.
"What's wrong, Ed?" Seria asked, as I gasped. "Nothing, just thinking what it is about…" I mumbled, as I changed back my face to a stern one.
Seria remained silent while looking at me, before turning away with a smile.
What was she thinking after looking at me?
When we were about to reach Father's office, there were 7 Glamorous statues that stood at both sides, to the way of the office.
A man with a normal sword, a man with a sword that is neither thick or thin, a woman with a thin sword that has no hilt and has the handle covered with cloth, a woman with a rapier, a woman with a long spear, a man with a javelin, and a man with a lance.
For some reason, I felt a bit nostalgic about it. Even though, it is surely my first time seeing them. I sighed again. Really, I'm not sure if I can even trust my memories anymore.
"It's me Seria. I have brought his highness, Prince Edward along with me" Seria stated, as she knocked. "Come in!" Father answered, with a very large voice.
"Behind this door is the Emperor…"I mumbled beneath my breath, as I unconsciously gulped before going in.
As we came in, Father was found at his desk checking some documents. Beside him were piles of documents.
Somehow, a thought came flowing from my mind. "How will it look, if all of those documents were blown by wind? Will it somehow look fabulous?"
I shouldn't think like this, it's like I am wishing something bad. Well, I am…
"You can leave us, Seria…" Father spoke, as he put down his pen and stood up. "Huh?!" I mumbled. "Understood, your majesty" Seria bowed.
"Eh, you're just going to nod and leave me alone here?!" I thought to myself, as I quickly turned Seria's way, as she opened the door.
"Don't leave me!" I nearly said it out aloud, but ended with a slight gasp.
As I turned to look at Father, I sighed slightly. It was quiet. Now, I'm kinda blaming Seria for leaving. Sheesh…
"Ed..!" Father mumbled. I looked at him. "I can call you that, right?" He asked. "Of course" I answered.
What's with this feeling? It is like I am meeting with someone who my parents arranged for me to marry.
I shook my head.
"Are you nervous?" I asked him. "W-well, it is kinda my first time talking to you. I have only seen you when you were a baby, before I left…" He stated.
Right, that time only. But, weren't you more of a doting father that time? Not a nervous father, like now.
"I was kinda scared, what if you hated me for not being around after7years" He added. "Pfft!" I snorted, as I started laughing.
"Frankly saying, I am also scared. Since, I don't know how to interact to you, even now, because it is first for me" I mumbled.
Right, it is my first time after a while… talking to a father like this, with my heart over my sleeves.
Father remained silent.
"Introduction…" I mumbled. He looked at me. "How about we start with introductions?" I asked.
He gasped. "We should!" He agreed.
"I am Edward Finn von Collins, nice to meet you" I held out my hand to him. Father took it and stated, "Nice to meet you. I am Geralt Gilford von Collins"
We shook hands, and went back to silent.
"I'm still nervous" Father mumbled, as he tried to shove the silence away. "Me too" I stated. We looked at each other, and laughed.
"I guess we should let time heal that for us both. Coz' we have all the time in the world, to get along" He spoke, as he patted my head gently.
Somehow, I felt happy about his warmth that surrounded me. That I almost cried. But, like they say, things don't go the way you want it to.
As I left Father's office, Seria came running. "E-Ed!" She called out to me, before stopping in front of me, while panting.
A blue butterfly flickered around Seria. It went off and flew where Seria came from, and disappeared.
"Your m-mother…" Seria panted. I gasped.
I was suddenly thrown back to the reality that because of me doubting him, God hated me enough to throw me over this world, just to reject me.
There wasn't any need for me to be surprise by now, that once again I will be standing in front of despair. "S-she collapsed..!" Seria stated. "Huh?" I mumbled.
As I look into my mother, as she was laid on the bed. The tears that I was expecting to fall didn't even bother to just fall even for a bit.
I couldn't comprehend to what the Healer was saying, nor could I get what the heck is happening.
How can God be this cruel to me? I thought that I finally found the place that I can be happier at. Yet, once again he stole it from me.
I hate it…I hate everything..! Yet, I hate myself more than anything, for not being able to cry in a situation like this!
The funeral continued as I snuck out of the hall. I walked over the hill.
Everything won't remain unchanged. That's why someday I'll surely come to hate this place too, so I had been thinking before.
The rain fell down my eyes, as if they were tears.
I didn't know that "that" day has already come this near. I hate it! I hate everything! I hate this place! I hate my life! I hate myself!
I tried to throw all of my wrath to the fire bolt I threw over the tree. It nearly disappeared, as rain fell.
I pulled it back, with my magic that absorbs Ether. "Devour..!" I shouted, as it turned into particles and entered back inside me.
"Impressive, it's amazing for a kid to use devour in this age. You're just 7, right?" A red haired young man came, as he clapped his hands.
"Who are you?" I asked, as I glare at him. "I see. Well, you're a boy who just lost his mother. I guess, it's normal for you to bear such wrath within your heart" He spoke, as he came near.
I glared at him angrily. "I should introduce myself, I guess. Fiore Gunrlink, at your service, Prince Edward" He bowed at me.
"I don't know you. Gunrlink, you say?" I asked. "Yes, it was a noble family. But, things happened leaving me, as the last member. Leading it to fall into ruins" He stated.
I mumbled as I wiped the water of my face, "I see…"
"What is the matter?" He asked. "Nothing, I'm just… Fiore, you said earlier, that it is natural for me to bear this wrath inside of me, right now" I stated. "Yeah, I did" he nodded.
"Then, why is it. That I cannot feel any sadness or tears flowing from my eyes…" I spoke, as I fell down the ground. Fiore remained silent as he looked at me.
"Even though, I want to cry. I want to yell! Yet, no matter how sad I feel, the tears… my tears they don't bother to shed…" I mumbled. "That is because…" Fiore stated.
Who was that guy? Why did he appear out of sudden? I can't understand anything anymore. Well, I guess it's great for me to maintain my sanity like this, after mom died.
I sighed, as I gazed over my room up to its four corners.
"Ed!" Seria suddenly came in my room without permission. "W-What's wrong?" I asked, as I jolted. "Come with me..!" She spoke. "Huh?" I mumbled.
"Hurry up, come with me" She stated, as she grabbed my hand.
"Where are we going? Seria..! Seria! Oi..!" I spoke, as I tried to loosen up her hand on my hand. I soon stopped doin so, when I noticed Seria swollen eyes.
She's kinda appearing out of nowhere, today…
"We're coming in!" She spoke, as she opened the door. "Ah, brother!" spoke a blonde haired girl, who looked a lot like Mom.
I mumbled, "E-Elicia..?"
"Yep, it's me, brother" She smiled. I quickly run over to her and hugged her as tears came overflowing from my eyes.
"Welcome back, Elicia" I stated. Elicia smiled. "I'm back, brother" She replied, as she hugged me back.
I suddenly remembered the words Fiore said to me.
"It is not that you don't feel any sadness. It is that because you do feel sad. But at the same time… You are glad, because she doesn't need to suffer anymore.
Perhaps, you know deep down that it is rude to cry for a person who smiled even though they died"
Thanks to his words, I remembered Mom's smiling face, that day. Now that I cried, the tears made me remember Mom and the time I spent with her.
I couldn't stop it from flowing anymore. Why it is that life is this cruel, yet kinda at the same time?
After leaving Elicia at her room, due to some checkups, Seria accompanied me to my room. "Here is fine, you still have work to do, right?" I stated. "Ed…" She mumbled.
"I'm fine, really I am fine. So don't worry, Seria" I spoke. "If you say so…" She stated, as she turned her back against me.
But, she turned once again.
"Whenever you feel crying, come to me. I won't be able to replace Liassa, but I am confident that I can comfort you well enough, Ed" as she hugged me, while patting my head gently.
I remembered. "Home is not a place but a feeling" Mom told me once.
"Even if it is the same place, it wouldn't feel like home unless those who makes it feel home isn't there.
You don't need a blood relation to be a family. All you need is to have them make you feel at home.
If those people are willing to stay beside you and care for you, then you are free to call them your family and where they are is your home, Ed"
Those words were buried inside me. Those words, Mom used to comfort me with. Surely, I will never forget her, no matter how many year pass, from now on…
Home is not a place but a feeling.
Even if it is the same place, it wouldn’t feel like home unless those who makes it feel home isn’t there.
You don’t need a blood relation to be a family. All you need is to have them make you feel at home.
If those people are willing to stay beside you and care for you, then you are free to call them your family and where they are is your home.