I looked up slowly, anxious to see, i can't be wrong, i know that voice. . . and i was right, there she was, standing in crutches in front of us, looking straight at us.
I felt the whole world stop when I locked eyes with the person in front of me.
There she was, with two crutches and a man helping her, giving us a strange look.
Lisa Manoban. In the flesh.
It was her. She was standing in front of Mino's car, looking at us just like how i look at her.
She isn't dead, and she exist.
"Mino... "I breathed out. "Pinch me. I think I'm dreaming."
My fingers tremble as i cover my mouth.
"This is real, right?" Mino looked me, I feel like I had just seen a ghost. "I mean, I've dreamt of her a lot of times already and I don't think I can tell the difference between reality and a dream anymore." Maybe Mino was confused of what im saying but i don't care, Lisa Manoban slowly, is approaching us. And its real.
"I think this is just as real as it's about to get..." I murmured.
Mino turned to me and exhaled a deep sigh.
Following what my mind said, i shove Mino away and run towards Lisa. I knew it, Lisa won't leave me. I knew it when Rosé said that, it was true. But i don't care, nothing else matters now except for the fact that the woman of my dreams is standing in front of me right now.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I looked into Lisa's deep brown eyes that were staring right back at mine. She looked frozen in her position, not really knowing what to do.
"It's you," my hoarse voice barely came out as I tried to form a sentence. "Lisa, you're not dead... and you finally showed up."
I didn't even think anymore whether she knew me or not. I just ran to her and draped my arms around her neck. "I'd never thought I'd see you again, in real life," I murmured against her skin.
Her breathing started to quicken as she slowly pushed me off her. "Excuse me? How do you know me?"
The man that was with her pulled me away so is Mino thats now standing behind me.
I felt my heart sink. It's like I got all my hopes up, enough to make me float up in the clouds with joy, and then they were just dropped in a matter of seconds. "You don't know who I am?"
She was staring at me so deeply, enough to make me fall in-love with her even more. Who was I kidding? I never moved on. Not even a bit. I've waited for this moment, and now that it's finally happening, words couldn't even explain how I was feeling. I I skippee everything inside my head and believe the reality that Lisa is here.
I wanted to burst into tears, I wanted to kiss her, hug her and never let her go, tell her that I love her and I've never stopped loving her, but at the same time I didn't want to scare her away.
"Please say something..." I begged, trying to control my tears from taking over the situation.
"I feel like..." she began.
"You feel like what?"
"I feel like I've known you" she finished.
"In your dreams?" I blurted out. I mean, that's the only answer, right? There's no way she wasn't dreaming of me too.
"My dreams?" she repeated, looking even more confused.
I sighed. I don't know what to say anymore.
She gave me one last look before turning her back against me and walking away back to the car.
"Hey wait!" I called, quickly following her. "Where are you going?"
"Home?" She knit her brows like she really don't know me. She looked at me and smiled sheepishly, "Sorry but i don't know you. Please keep this a secret,i know you're not a bad person, everyone knows im dead and thats what you know too."
I felt my heart leap. There was that smile. The smile I fell in-love with.
"You can't just leave me...." I said trying to stop her although i have the answer. She doesn't know me.
"Jennie." Mino held my arm.
I still couldn't believe what was happening. I kept squinting my eyes and pinching my arm to make sure that it was real and it was real. I wasn't waking up or anything. This is really happening but right now, i wish i was dreaming as Lisa get inside the car and leave.
. . .
Mino just drove me back to where he picked me up, he never answer any of my questions, he insist that he doesn't know anything. I didn't fought about it and let myself get occupied by the thought that Lisa wasn't actually dead.
I went straight to the therapist where i had my first consultation.
I dragged myself as looked for Dr. Yun's room. Her assistant signaled that I could just go in her office, and so I did.
"Good afternoon, Jennie," Dr. Yun eyed me. "Came from somewhere?"
"Ulsan" I answered blankly. She must've noticed that im wearing dress this time.
"It's a long story, but I will tell you about everything, including that."
"Alright, Jennie. I'm all ears."
I told her about Mino, my recent dreams and how everything has been really strange. She was slightly surprised to find out that I broke up with Lisa.
"Did your trip make things worse for you?" she asked.
"Yes," I quietly answered. "I just realized it's really stupid to chase after her and look for her. Though I know I really love her, but what if she does exist and barely even recognizes me? What if she's not the same Lisa in my dreams? It's just... it's hard to make such decisions all because of a dream." I skip the part that it actually happened and the scene earlier was all i could ever think, how those eyes who stared at me lovingly turns into strange one.
"You know, I'm proud of you," Dr. Yun smiled. "What you went through wasn't easy, and having the strength to make the right decision, especially for the sake of something that matters to you, is a very mature thing to do. I know your relationship with her is rocky right now, but I can tell that you really care for her."
"I do. I really do. I love Lisa but I need to move on. I can't just go and hurt people I love just because I'm in-love with someone who doesn't even exist. Who knows if it will even lead to anything?"
"You can never be certain of anything," Dr. Yun said. "We live in a world of mystery and we will never know the answer to all of our questions. Like what we previously discussed, maybe Lisa was just brought to you for a short period of time to make you appreciate your own life and what you can do with it. Maybe once she disappears for good, you can finally move on, and make the most of the life you have with Kai. You told me you had a fight with him? Maybe it can serve as your new beginning to rekindle your old life? Not only for your relationship, but also for yourself." That's where she gets wrong, Lisa exist, but she doesn't know me.
"That's a good way to look at it," I mumbled.
"You could say it's also a perfect timing, right?"
I spent another hour just talking about Lisa and how I want everything to just end. As usual, I cried while telling her how I broke up with her, while inside my head, the things that happened earlier keeps on repeat.
"I know this sounds cliché but you really just need to keep thinking about happy thoughts," she said. "It's like getting over a nightmare when you were a kid. Watch a film before going to bed, something that will distract you and keep thinking about it before you sleep. If she shows up again, just do everything in your power to resist her or act like you don't know her."
"The last part actually sounds pretty brilliant," I cocked my eyebrow. "I hope it does work."
"It will. Just don't let her love spell work on you right away, okay? Be firm," Dr. Yun instructed. "Sometimes dreams try to take control of us, but you can't let it anymore."
After our session, I walked out of the room contemplating on whether I should just get on a taxi and head to apartment or grab something to eat first. The last thing I ate were crackers before i hop on Mino's xar and they weren't very satisfying.
As I walked down the hall, I saw another woman who also looked like one of the therapists who worked with Dr. Yun. I'd see her often in the same department.
I gave her a quick nod and smiled, but it seemed like she didn't notice me because she was in a hurry. When she brushed right past me, a few pieces of paper fell from the folder she was holding.
"Doctor, you dropped some of your ..."
I decided to stop when I realized she was talking to someone on her earpiece. I sighed and picked up the files. Maybe I can just give them to Dr. Yun's assistant.
I knew I shouldn't look at her files, but I couldn't help but glance at them since they were right in front of me. When I looked at what was printed on the paper, I almost choked on my own saliva.
Name of Patient: Kim, Jongin
Condition: Lucid Dreaming / Dream Merging
I couldn't believe my eyes. Kai's been seeing a therapist for the same reasons? I literally ran way past the elevator and down the stairs to go find a taxi outside. As soon as I got one, we went straight to the tattoo parlor where i assume he is.
It didn't take long before we arrived. After paying, I rushed out and pushed the glass door open, only to find Taemin doing a tattoo on a customer.
All eyes were on me when I entered.
I dropped by bags on the floor and tried to catch my breath. "Tae, we need to talk. where's Kai?"
Taemin, who probably sensed something was up, signaled towards the backroom after pointing towards his customer. "I'll just finish this."
I nod and just quickly walked towards the backroom and waited for him to follow me. I sat on one of the chairs, not really knowing what to say first.
Minutes later, Taemin followed me inside, looking quite apprehensive himself. "What's going on Jen?"
"I know you knew this, i need you to explain this." I showed her a picture of the file that I took on my phone. I figured that was the right thing to do instead of stealing something private.
His face turned pale when he saw the photo with Kai's name, condition, and everything. "Where'd you find that?"
"I need you to explain this to me first, please, i don't know where is him," I begged. I felt like the room was literally spinning right now and I could collapse any moment. "You know it, don't you? You really do."
I swallowed hard, feeling my heart stop right at that very moment.
"So you knew it. Well, he's been dreaming about you and a girl named Lisa." Taemin blurted. "Every night, Jennie. It's like a nightmare to him that he can't seem to get rid of," Taemin began and sat on my side.
"How long have he been seeing this?"
"I don't know exact but he told it to me the night after the exhibit." He said. "He's so afraid that you're seeing Lisa behind."
"Tae, we only see each other...." I began. "Only in my dreams."
"Really?" he breathed.
"It's true." I insisted. "I don't know anything about her in real life. I saw his files because... well, because I've been seeing a therapist too. I've been experiencing lucid dreaming for weeks now."
"Then is it true? Are you really in-love with her just like how Kai said?"
"Like how Kai said?"
"Yeah, he told me that he saw you two together and it seems like you're really inlove with that girl." Taemin got up and slightly peek outside to see if there's a customer. "Kai said he'd been dreaming about you guys being passionately in-love. It all started with this dream where I think he saw you making out with her. Thats what he said and after that, he never elaborates, he'll just say he dreamt of you but never tells what exactly happened."
"This is insane." he sigh like he couldn't believe what im actually telling him.
"More than it is. Where is he by the way? Why he ain't here?" I asked shoving my phone inside my bag. I need to talk to him.
"Didn't he tell you? He's moving to US, he got a big break in there." Taemin revealed that i didn't expect for him to say.
"Yeah. His flight will be later at Midnight." Taemin said and i suddenly felt sad. I know we didn't had a closure yet and him moving to US is something i haven't thought.
"I see." i breathed out.
"Did you guys broke up for good?"
I give Taemin a fake smile before i spoke." Honestly i did try Tae. When he came home that night, i just thought I'll be working this and focus on him but then uhh-when i saw his skin, he has a scratches on his back, like some...." i didn't finish since it sounds rated but he get what i mean.
"What?!" Taemin snapped. "You mean a scratch like..... Holy shit you thought he had sex with some other girls?"
"Isn't that it?" I fleek my brows but he giggled then.
"It was one of our customer, he was shirtless that time and i suddenly ask for help and you know, the needle scare our. . .uhm customer" He grin and i get what he mean.
"oh my god!! I didn't know it!" i facepalmed myself of the stupid thing i did.
"I can't believe it." Taemin sigh with small chuckle and stood up. "What's your plan?"
"I need to see him. I'll meet him. I think i can still make it." I stood up and fix my things. "I'll see you." I smile at him and rushed outside hoping i could give an apology to Kai, regardless of how our relation fell apart, maybe I can still save it, for the last time.
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