Reviews of Brutal Journey of an Unfortunate Heroine by Yuyumamoru - Webnovel

Why you should read this book: It has a unique plot with a lot (and I mean a lot) of potential for growth. Judging from the first five chapters I've read, the author can decide to take this book in a lot of different directions. What really got my attention though was the dialogues. Real, interesting and to the point like I like them. I loved the way you've described the world and characters but this has also turned into your weakness in the book which I'll get to later. Katos was a favourite of mine. Psycho characters are easy to write but hard to maintain in personality, but from the five chapters I've read his personality stayed true to his love of twisted fun and feeling of superiority over others. I'd personally like to see more of him throughout the book. What the author needs to work on: This book requires editing. Heavy editing. When I read the first five chapters, I came across a lot of typos, grammar errors and punctuation errors, so for the grammar police, this book might take a toll on you. I also noticed that you've clubbed a lot of sentences together, including dialogues, in your paragraphs. This tends to annoy readers and they tend to skip a lot of things. I did. Your descriptions were amazing but it was the same thing over and over again so I tried looking for the new stuff unknowingly. Before I knew it I had skipped a lot of things. Try separating your dialogues and sentences. This is just an example: "Now, that was fun wasn't it?!" Katos exclaimed, a gleeful expression on his face looking at the blood and gore on the floor. Reina looked on, unfazed and undisturbed from where she stood in her corner of the room. Descriptions help a reader visualise but too much tends to bore. I would suggest keeping short, crisp descriptions for the action part, relatively longer ones for the background and medium ones for the characters. The main character was too robotic for me to connect to. Unlike how you portrayed Katos the MC was too plain. The starting of the chapter could have gone a bit like this to hook in the readers: Go to school. Return. Eat. Then sleep. That's all Reina Strauss' life had become. She looked at a picture of her mom and a man whose face she had torn off... This shows us Reina's pain and sadness more and makes us wonder what happened to her mother. I hope this helps you.