She knew if she hadn't done that she wouldn't be able to separate the weed from the wheat, the fake from the real ones. They ones that weren't just friends with her for what the could get from her but were friends with her because they actually liked her for who she is. None of her so called friends knew about her mother's death.
Hell, none of them even knew Amanda was her birth mother as they all identified her father's wife, Regina, as her real mother. Well everyone except her family members and those two. Not that it was hard to believe, Regina practical spoiled Becca with anything a person could really ask for. The only issue was the resemblance. Becca looked absolutely nothing like Regina and due to the fact that Becca's real mother was Asian, it led to her having a couple of unique Asian-like features. So while Regina was having pale white skin, with long curly red hair, big blue eyes and came Irish descent, Becca on the other hand had a more Asian look, with milky white skin, foxy green eyes and long black hair.
She knew people often racked their brains to understand how she could probably be Regina's daughter when there wasn't even the slightest resemblance. They had seen her father, so they know who she got the green eyes from but what about the rest of her? Who does she take after? Were the questions on their minds but we're afraid to voice them out in fear of invoking Regina wrath.
Some even concluded that she was adopted. Regina loved her as her own daughter and she regards her as someone very important to her as they were practical mother and daughter, so those busy-bodies might as well keep asking themselves stupid questions and go fuck themselves while they are at it..
She was forced to snap out of her thoughts by the loud sound of thunder.
She was startled, not knowing how long she had been sitting on the ground, lost in her thoughts while staring mindlessly at her mother's grave which was beautifully decorated with flowers of different colours. 'People must have been here earlier.' she said to herself. Her mother had always loved flowers and colours so why not decorate her grave with colourful flowers. She smiled knowing that people haven't forgotten her mother yet.
" Happy birthday Mom, I miss you so much. I really wished you were here today, then maybe I wouldn't be sad anymore but you left me without saying goodbye. Not that I'm mad at you for that or anything, I just hoped that you would be by my side when I start fulfilling my all dreams." She said with a sad smile, while gently caressing her mother's headstone. She placed some flowers on the grave and looked over to her sister's and stepfather's, then got up and placed some flowers for theirs as well.
She might have not been really close to her stepfather but it doesn't mean she loved him anyless or doesn't miss him as well. After saying her goodbyes, she headed to her car that was parked outside the cemetery. It had already started raining and everywhere had gotten dark, as she drove back to her apartment in the dead of night.
The death of her mother changed Becca, made her distance. Cold. She closed her heart and refused to let anyone else in. She was happy on the outside but miserable on the inside and it was eating her alive. The guilt. The regret of not reaching out to her mother when she was still alive, the guilt of refusing her mother's request for them to live together. Becca thought she was doing the right thing back then by refusing multiple times because she didn't want to be a burden to her mom's new family but now regretted everything.
If only she had known that her mother would die so soon, she would have chosen differently. Becca would have cherished their time together more and not have taken it for granted but nothing can be done now. Her mother was already long dead and the only thing Becca can do is forever live with the pain of loss and the regret of not valuing her own mother's presence.
It's just like they say; you only know the true value of something when it's done.