Jinx watched as Riana walked over to her old seat and sat down. She was reminded of everything that happened in the past, and she missed it all dearly. However, nothing could ever return to the way it was before.
Jinx wanted to cry as she again thought of Evan. It was time; she would never be able to see him again, not after what she was about to do. Her dreams, her fantasies, her wishes, and all her desires were going to come to an end.
But it was for the greater good. She was going to sacrifice everything for the greater good, including herself. She was going to do it, no matter the cost.
She walked towards Riana, getting closer and closer, but she did not say a word.
She was simply thinking about her time spent with Evan in the restaurant.
At first, six months ago, when she walked into that restaurant, she did not expect to see him. She wanted to avoid him, but she quickly managed to catch his attention by accident. Fortunately for her, he did not recognize her. That was what she wanted least.
She stared at him anxiously, hoping that he would turn away and ignore her, as most people tended to do, but he did not. Instead, he walked towards her and sat across from her.
"Hello, miss. I hope you do not mind me joining you."
There was no way for Jinx to escape unnoticed now that he began talking to her, so she stood up and tried to walk away. Evan did not let her.
"Miss, my name is Evan. What is your name?"
Jinx was stunned for a moment. She must not let him find out. She was worried that he would be able to recognize her voice, so she talked as quietly as she could. "Jinx." She hoped that he would just walk away now.
He did not. "You're name is Jinx? That is a strange name."
Jinx did not want him to pester her any more or ask any questions, but she also did not want to lie. "It's what they call me."
"So it's a nickname? What is your actual name?"
As if Jinx would actually answer that. Instead, she shook her head. "Doesn't matter."
She again tried to escape quickly, but Evan was persistent and grabbed her hand. She looked at him.
"Sorry. You're going to leave so quickly?"
Jinx nodded and immediately walked away. She was not going to say another word to him. So annoying!
"Will you come here again? I am often here, and I hope I can see you again soon!"
Jinx stopped walking. He wanted to see her again, was that even possible? She would not dare get close to anyone, not now. She did not want to hurt anyone that she cared about. It was better that he never care for her.
However, she could not understand why she had stopped. She felt the need to give him an answer, but she did not know how to answer. She did not want to say no, even though she knew that was the only answer.
So she smiled. Yes, smiled. She turned her head slightly and smiled towards Evan, but her smile was bittersweet.
That smile held her deepest wishes of returning, but it also hid the deepest longings in her heart behind it. She knew that it was impossible for her to come again, impossible to feel anything without breaking apart. But even so, she still wished for a fleeting moment that she could come back again.
She turned away from him the moment that she felt that her smiling eyes were no longer smiling. Instead, they began to cry.
She walked slowly out of sight of the restaurant, and then she broke down into tears on the side of the road. No one even knew that she was crying.
Then, a month passed, and every moment Evan's question lingered on her mind.
"Will you come here again?" he asked. She had given no answer. His question had haunted her every moment, her every thought. It was like an unrelenting ghost, unwilling to give up on the deepest wishes of her heart. She rejected it, time and time again, but it kept coming back to her like a fly, a pest. Her sleepless nights were filled with its unrest.
She subconsciously walked passed the restaurant, and she did not even realize until she was there. The question came back, again clear before her ears, and this time she struggled to reject it. The restaurant was right before her eyes, and Evan was there, just outside her sight. It was only a few steps for her to return there, yet it seemed almost like a thousand. It was so close, yet so far, and her greatest wish was to be one step closer.
So she walked closer, step by step, and soon she had walked right up to the door.
Should she enter? Even now she did not know the answer. Her mind was frozen and stiff in place, and her bones urged her forward. Every muscle in her body told her that it was but a motion away, and the pressure built until she could back away no more.
She was going in, whether or not that was her decision.
It was not her decision to make; it was her body's decision, her hearts decision, her soul's decision. The decision was not her own.
She pushed the door open and walked in. She looked around, and she sighed in relief when she did not see Evan. She did not want to get near him, not now, not ever.
She walked in and sat in the same seat where she sat the last time she was there, and she did not see him.
She did not order any food, as she was still wearing her mask, and unwilling to take it off, so she just sat there and waited patiently, but she was unsure of what exactly she was waiting for.
Finally, he arrived. "JInx! It's been a while! I thought you weren't coming!"
Jinx looked at him, and panic arose in her heart. She wanted to run away, but she forced herself to remain seated. She would just ignore him.
Of course, he was quite impossible for her to ignore. He was handsome, and he insisted on taking the seat right across from her. Meanwhile, Jinx's thoughts were rampaging.
No! Don't sit there! Please don't! For my sake, please stay away! For your own sake, please avoid me!
But he could not hear her internal thoughts.
And Jinx, despite wishing he would go away, could not help but feel glad and joyful that he was there. Maybe this was not as bad as she imagined.
Maybe she was going about this the wrong way. Maybe she should not be avoiding him, but getting used to him. That way, maybe she could get him to staay away, to not care about her. Maybe she could even get him to hate her. Then she would not even feel half as bad.
So she decided then and there. She was no longer going to avoid him. Instead, she was going to come by every day.
Finally, her heart and mind were both at ease.
Hello! Please leave some comments! Next chapter will be the hundredth chapter. It will be a continuation of Jinx's flashback. I hope you all enjoy! Jinx is my favorite character in this novel.
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