"Four months and you didn't realize you were pregnant." Derek speaks almost to himself while on the phone with Iris as she sits at a clinic about 400 miles away from home.
"What kind of dumb shit is that?!" He snaps. She can't help but flinch as if he was going to reach through the phone and hit her. At this moment Iris thanked that he sent her so far to get rid of it.
"I'm sorry you know my periods are irregular so i guess I kinda just didn't think about it…"She tried to explain to him, hoping he would understand.
"So now your blaming me?!" He screeched at her.
"No no no! Of course not!"While clutching the phone, in worry that he will get upset.
"I swear you are lucky I deal with your shit, no one else would you know, no man wants an idiot that cant keep track of her periods." Iris stayed silent as to let him continue, she was used to him bashing her. By staying quiet it usually made him a little easier to deal with, but instead he asked
"I'm right, right?!"
She tried not to care that the woman sitting next to her could probably hear their conversation, swallowing she replied "Yes" when she heard a woman's voice from Dereks end.
"Baby do you have any actual food?"
Iris's eyes slightly widened but she continued to listen.
"Shut up, Diane!"
"Don't tell me to shut up! Who are you on the phone with? Is it that whore?!"
"Stop talking!" But then he added "please"
"I will not!" Followed by a sound of rustling, she had taken his phone. At this point Iris looked calm on the outside but inside her heart was breaking to pieces, here she was getting rid of it while he was cheating on her, in their home.
"How dare you go and get pregnant with another mans baby! Well he is with me now so don't even try coming back with that bastard!"
"Babe wait-" then a beep signaling that the call was over.
Iris didn't know what to do, she was shocked but not surprised, she should have known he was cheating on her. He even told her that it wasn't his as if he would even allow her to cheat on him with another man. The money she get from her two jobs wasn't enough to please him anymore. Of course he would move on. She didn't blame him, but she didn't have enough time to think about it when she's called by a nurse.
Iris ignored the stare coming from the woman next to her, mustering up all her courage that she had left. She got up and followed the nurse to one of the many rooms. Waiting for the doctor to come.
She just wanted this to be over with.
The doctor came bursting into the room with a jolly smile. He kind of reminded Iris of Santa Clause.
"Glad to have you here! I'm Doctor Stevenson!" he exclaimed.
Iris just stayed quiet almost scared to say anything, 'Are all doctors this happy when a woman gets an abortion?' Iris didn't know much about doctors anymore since after a beating from Derek he would never allow her to go to a hospital, until she had passed out because Derek had hit her head against the wall too hard but he told the doctors that she had slipped and hit her head and thats when the doctors told us the news. We were 4 months pregnant.
"Just lay down right there and we can started." Still with a smile on his face that made her uncomfortable.
Listening to the doctor she laid down on the comfortable mattress. Iris couldn't help but think as she was waiting ' Is this the right thing to do? I cant let it be born without a father figure around, right? and now i guess i'm homeless. I'm doing this for it. This is right...so why does it feel wrong...No no no! Stop thinking like that! This is the right thing to do.' She exhaled.
"Alright lay down for me, pull up your shirt for me."
Iris was hesitant but she did it. "Are you sure this is how the procedure works?"
"Of course! I've been doing this for years, this comes like second nature to me."
Iris eyebrows creased in worry. 'Well I guess a good attitude helps while giving an abortion but I don't know about this.'
But then he started applying a gel to her stomach.
"Woah!" She was shocked by the coldness of it.
He looked at Iris with a smile still stuck on his face. "Yeah the coldness of the gel is always shocking for new mothers, sorry I should have warned you."
Iris was feeling really confused about this, what's wrong with this doctor? Maybe she should ask for a different one. He brings weird probe to her stomach and that's when Iris let her thoughts out.
"Wait! What is going on? Is this how an abortion works, I mean I haven't done my research or anything but this really doesn't-"
His expression completely did a 180. He now sported a confused frown.
"Abortion? I thought you were here for an ultrasound?"
She didn't know why but she panicked "NO! I'm not here for a-" but before Iris could finish her sentence a beating started to ring through the room, and Iris stop talking immediately and kept listening to it without looking at the screen she knew it was coming from. She had not realized that he hadn't taken the probe off her stomach.
Silent tears started to stream from her eyes, but she couldn't move, she felt stuck.
'Is that?' Iris felt her own heart beating but she gathered her strength to slowly look to the screen, but she immediately regretted it. She to see a outline of a baby. Her baby.
"NO NO NO, STOP GET OFF ME!"
Iris started panicking. She pushed off the doctor and started to shake. "WHY?! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH HARDER YOUVE MADE THINGS?!" Iris was holding her head in her hands as if she could control herself by doing so.
Doctor Stevenson felt bad for upsetting the expecting mother. "I'm very sorry Mrs. McConnell, the secretary must have mixed up your appointment." Seeing that Iris has not ceased her shaking he started to worry about the baby even if she was trying to get rid of it, it shouldn't be this way." Please try to calm down."
"You don't understand! I was going to get rid of it! But then you show me THAT! Iris pointed to the screen. Iris has been trying to disconnect herself from the baby since Derek told her to get rid of it but then this doctor ruined all her work.
"I understand that but if i may, if your having this much difficulty by seeing your baby then maybe you should rethink your decision."
"No it wasn't my decision it was my husbands-" She had realized what she had said and closed her eyes hoping he didn't mention it but of course she didn't have that kind of luck.
The doctor had seen his chance. " This is even more reason to rethink this, a baby is still a life that shouldn't be toyed with, I'm not going to sit here and pretend i know what it is like to have your spouse ask me to do something like this, I have 4 girls myself and I don't regret having any of my princesses but your situation is obviously different."
Iris couldn't bear this, he kept making it so hard. "I can't hear any more, Please." She had stopped shaking but now looked as if she was holding back tears.
The doctor sighed but said " Alright i won't hold you here but again ill ask, please rethink this."
Iris had walked almost a block away from the clinic when she decided to try calling Derek again, but got the same result. She couldn't help but sigh for the 200th time today, ' He's serious, isn't he.' She thought to herself more of a statement than a question. She knew Derek, when he has his eyes on something he will do anything to get it. Iris knew from first hand experience, he had threatened her life when she went to leave him, he needed her money but as soon as he didn't need it anymore he didn't care for if she left or not. 'The woman he has his eyes on must have a lot of money...and pretty. If I was pretty would he still want me?' Iris couldn't help but think.
After having her self esteem stepped on everyday by Derek she was in the negatives. Yet Iris still looked like a model with black wavy hair down to her waist, perfectly arched eyebrows, a slim body type yet tall body type any actual Model would die for, but Iris couldn't see that, she only saw the negatives, the permanent crease between her eyebrows, the tired dark circles and her not big enough chest. Derek always chastised her chest saying that it was too small, that she looked like a pubescent teenager, but that didn't matter to her right now. She was worried on where she would sleep tonight.
'Maybe my mother will let me stay with her for a while. It doesn't hurt to try, what have I got to lose.' Iris pulled out her smartphone and went to her blocked numbers, a bunch of old friends that Derek told her to cut off and her mother. Iris unblocked her mother then hovered over the call button. Iris has had to muster courage a lot today but she did it again as she called her mother.
Her mother's cold voice came from the phone.
Iris was nervous hearing her mother's voice again but quickly got over it. "H-hey mom…"
"Iris? So you've finally called me I see." Her voice was full of I told you so.
"Yeah…" Iris felt embarrassed.
"Did he hurt you like I said he would?" Her mom asked her already knowing the answer.
"And more." Iris had been holding it in but she finally started crying while going over the situation in her head. She was pregnant, alone on the sidewalk because her husband wouldn't pick her up because he found a woman that was better than her.
After hearing her daughters quiet sob over the phone, Cecelia softened her voice. "Ill send jerry to get you, love"
Iris sighed inwardly, thanking god that her mother would take her back. Iris goes to tell her the address But Cecelia cuts her off.
"Don't worry, I know where you are...I had a GPS installed in your phone after your last visit." Telling Iris nonchalantly.
"Mom!" Iris exclaimed. She was upset about the GPS but not as much as she probably would have been before this all happened.
Cecelia goes to explain "Well a mother has to make sure her daughter is safe somehow. Especially when she doesn't want to speak to you for some man."
There was quiet on the line for a second then Cecelia continued
"Must have been something big for you to call me."
"Can we talk about it when i get there, please."Iris felt that this conversation was important and didn't want to talk about it over the phone.
"Alright, Jerry will be there in 15 minutes."
"Okay" Cecelia goes to hang up when Iris quickly adds.
"Mom! Thank you" and Iris meant that from her deepest being.
"As you said I'm your mother." Cecelia replied softly and hanged up.
Iris stayed where she was with 15 minutes on her hand but speaking of hands Iris unconsciously put her hand to stomach. Now that, that was handled she couldn't stop thinking about the thing on the screen and its beat, as if it was playing the drums with her ovaries. Iris softly chuckled to herself. It's been a while since Iris had joked even if it was to herself. She paused and started talking to it.
"Hey, would you be okay with being born?" she couldn't believe what she was doing but she felt that she had to.
"You wont have a dad around if things keep going like this." in reference to the situation that was playing out. " and I don't wanna keep depending on your grandmother- " Iris stoped realizing that by connecting it with other family may make everything that much harder. "My mother."
"You dont seem wanted huh, I'm not either except by my mother, my mother has always been there for me even when i dont want her to be." Iris weirdly couldn't help comparing herself to it.
"I'm your mother.." Iris felt as if a hundred bricks fell off her shoulders.She sighed and continued "but i don't think I'm good enough to be someone's mother..." She had one reoccurring question that kept popping up ever since she left the clinic. "am I enough for you?"
"Heh that's right you can't answer me, can you…" Iris didn't know what she expected.
A limo pulled up, and Iris got in, in a hurry.
As soon as the door slams shut, Jerry starts driving.
"Nice to see you again miss" It had been a very long time since Jerry had seen Miss. Iris
"You know i dont like to be called miss, Jerry" Iris almost pouted. She had fallen back into a comfortable state with the butler who had raised her.
"Why don't you call me butler Jerry then?" Questioned her.
"But your more than just a butler jerry, you know that." Leaning back into her seat.
"I know my worth at the Waterfords is more than just a butler, but do you know your worth?"
Iris was shocked at the unexpected question "I do!"
Jerry quickly replied "Maybe a long time ago but it seems that you dont now, you look like hell miss"
Which left Iris with her mouth open as no words could escape. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know how to argue with him on that.
Iris turned her head away from Jerry who looked unfazed and told him
This is the first chapter of my first book, It was hard to muster up my courage like Iris but I did it! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of To Life A Life.
This's an experimental test for reading assistance in case.
We highly recommend you to enjoy the beauty of the original words.