I still remember the pain.. even though the last time was days ago, I remember that it felt just like this... it never goes away.. constant pain. Over and over again his hard knuckle makes a harsh impact to my face, his large foot bruising my stomach, my arms, my legs.
I try not to cry out loud as blood drips down my face and my breath becomes shallow, I try not to scream as raging pain devours my body, I try not lose consciousness as my vision becomes blurry. By now the triplets must've ran away, like good kids they'll wait for me at a nearby park.... like they always do.
"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! WHY DID I HAVE TO GET STUCK WITH A GOOD FOR NOTHING PATHETIC CHILD LIKE YOU!"
"JUST HURRY UP AND FUCKING DIE!"
His foul breath shoots itself up my nose almost making me gag, the smell of alcohol affecting every ounce of his body.
He grabs me and drags me to a room... the room. The room in which I would hear my poor mother screaming, crying out, desperately begging for help as we're believed to be sleeping. Being only 10 I had no power, no way to help my defenceless mother. I could only cry with her and pray she'll be alright. But what got me the most was the next morning when I'll see her, her face badly bruised and violated she'll wear that same sweet smile wishing me a good morning telling me she's okay.
I hated that about her.
Why? Why couldn't she just tell someone? Why couldn't she just yell that she's not okay? Why? Why? Why?
Because she's weak.
Because I'm weak.
And she made that clear.
~ flashback ~
On the day of my 11th birthday I faked being ill to get out of school early to surprise my mum back at home, to see her with the triplets, to see her smiling at their cute little faces and her to see me and hug me tightly telling me how she missed me and such a good boy I was, I wanted her to wish me a happy birthday and give me a cheap but sentimental gift full of her love. To smile at me and tell me everything was going to be alright, to tell me she loves me and would never leave me, to stay by my side no matter what happens. But that isn't what I got.
Upon arriving home, I could hear the loud cries of the triplets in the bedroom but the rooms were dark without any lights on, I called out to my mother but no answer was given back. I slowly walk towards to living room with the cries of my younger siblings deafening me, and that's when I saw it.
Swinging from the ceiling, her neck clearly broken and her head hanging low.
Her dead, fogged over eyes staring directly at me as if she was staring into my soul. Her mouth open as drool began to drip onto the floor. Her lifeless corpse dangling like bait on a fishing rod.
I couldn't move.
Everything went quiet around me.
Silence surrounds me as I stare at my mother, tears flow down my face as I feel myself lose control of my bladder. I collapse onto the floor in my own urine, not taking my eyes off of her.
The door opens and closes but my head stays in place, my father came home. I turn my head towards him as I stare at his face, my eyes widen in horror as my father shows no emotion to his dead wife, no sadness, no anger, no disappointment, no shock. Nothing. He looks down at me with that same face and tells me to go to that nearby park for an hour and come back later, he doesn't help me up, he doesn't ask me if I'm okay, he just stares at me. After which felt like an eternity I picked my self up, my trousers soaked in my own piss and I walk towards the door limping as I couldn't keep my balance. I walk out the front door and as I close it I turn around to look inside once more.
I wish I never did.
Smiling. He was smiling at her. He was smiling at my mothers lifeless dead body.
I close the door as my heart almost rips itself from my chest, the tears falling down stopped as I could no longer process what's happing. I walk down the street, wet trousers, a pale face, dried tears on my cheeks, falling over ever so often. I make my way to the park as I sit on one of the swings, I slowly begin to swing and I quietly sing to myself.
"Happy birthday.... to me.... ha.. happy birthday.. t-to me.. happ-py birthday to... Maika.. happy bi-birthday to me..."
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