Webnovel Author: WillMissQ - Fanfic Collection

I see you stole the idea from the daily life of the immortal king. Could’ve chosen anything, but you decided to choose that of all the ideas

I can’t seem to care for your MC. He’s too edgy and there’s no personality to him other than maximum edge. I can’t come to like him at all. All I could think of was that we should go back to the wonder woman scene because that was something that was actually cool and interesting and we wanted to actually witness. Then there’s your MC and ”oh look another fight he’s in”

Can you just, not keep sending him into situations one after the other? There’s a thing called pacing and you’re moving wayyy too fast. Have him take a break, escape or whatever, and chill out. Do a mini slice of life or something that allows the story to slow down cause this pacing is atrociously fast. There’s zero rest at all.

Thank God. We need a time skip

First

You have massive run-on sentences, terrible punctuation: you can’t seem to tell when to end a sentence with a period or use commas to create brakes, and you have several spelling errors. Get someone to beta your story or at least edit it.

He needs to start pushing to spend time with Rio because at this point, it’s just weird sexual tension, not going anywhere. He keeps flaking last minute.

Fr this type of ill preparedness is unnecessary and stupid to the extreme

This has to be the worst way to write a beginning chapter. All you did was confuse everybody who read it and probably lost 50% of your readers from this single chapter alone.