suka dengan misteri dan selalu haus akan keingintahuan. tidak mau di anggap senior karena kemampuan menulisku berasal dari salah satu dari 7 hobi.
2021-03-20 Beigetreten Indonesia
interesting intro. This is good because it makes me curious.
ch 0 1 Beginning of the End
Fantasy · Excalibur_00010
i like this chapter
ch 0 6 Chapter_6: Lady's Orders
Fantasy · FriedrichFriedrice
An interesting start and made me curious.
ch 0 1 Chapter 1: Long Night
Fantasy · FriedrichFriedrice
I think I've heard the name (kopi luwak) in the English version. But I don't think I need to discuss that. 🤭
"It's Kopi Luwak coffee. If lil bro didn't like it, I would have given you another chop." Jacob said while gesturing a chopping motion.
Fantasy · OGC
Slight error. but the story can still be enjoyed..
- I need to say it? What price has a kingdom that does not know a whole night, nor the end of the day?
Fantasy · XZEROOSCUROX
interesting story.Even though it takes more practice to adjust the dialogue and the aftermath, the storyline is good and made me curious. 😊✨️
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Don't forget to pause or separate the dialogue before going to the zane part. However, maybe it's not necessary because it's the beginning of the chapter.
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Try changing the period to a comma from the words "Well, nowadays"
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Try to provide enter after the dialogue. So that the initial self-introduction doesn't sound quite strange. Because if it's like this, it will be thought that someone outside started the story. not focus on the main character.
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You forgot to separate paragraphs and dialogue. And remember, question marks and exclamation marks are important in writing dialogue.
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
Fantasy · Excalibur_00010
interesting.the synopsis is pretty good.Each chapter has a different story line, but is able to keep the story in one direction (that's mean, it doesn't seem messy.)a little advice from me. Practice how to write dialogue that is short, but easy to understand.in chapter 1 it was so good. but in other chapters, it seems messy.there is no need to write in detail about the situation of the dialogue conveyed in the story. (I used to be like that too, so I understand that it won't be easy.)when you know about it, the rest you will understand. keep trying. slow but sure.
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interesting story. While I was reading, I felt like I had entered the world of the "Halo" series. Good start, although quite complicated. I hope that in the next chapter or in other chapters, you will add an unexpected scene, or a scene that can make readers curious. Sometimes, sci-fi has the impression of a quite complicated mystery. Depends on the writing.
--reuploaded--
Sci-fi · Hesreth