GeneralDeFartos_L - Profile

It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. There are no major problems with English. The main problems here are the progression of the story and the skewed rational behind each decision. Plot armor is so ridiculously cliche, even CN novels are better than this. - While on a walk MC bought a ring that somehow was the key to a grand legacy? - MC upgrading his mana so much that he should've exploded but instead was given notice of vitality going down until death, now why wouldn't he feel pain if he's constantly taking damage? - MC has a loving father, but MC being trashy just had to target his step moms. - MC has lust for brain, but that doesn't excuse him being so dull. His personality is boring. He doesn't have anything special about him personality wise. - No one questions how MC has sudden powerups. - MC doesn't plan nor think of how to use his system properly nor how to actually use strategy to turn situations around. If MC has a problem with a girl, plot armor will kick in and get her into trouble then MC will save her and thus could bed her. Why can't MC use his brain and create trouble himself then save her? It just seems that this story is about an average guy with no remarkable qualities but has a system. He just goes with the flow without thinking ahead. Even if author focuses on the story, then it's mostly plot armor pushing the story ahead, cuz MC won't do shit.

I always wanted a story with a villain that's just quitting the villain job seriously. No rebound, no bullshit about plot fixing, no somehow villain gets mixed up with protagonist and turns good, no using opportunities to one up protagonist. I just wanted a lazy villain that's tired. And this is it. I love the story and I love the characters. I don't care about those who think this story is boring cuz MC is lazy. This story is literally about villain on vacation thus avoiding a lot of cliche drama. ------- The only problem is author wouldn't upload fast enough and even after months, the chapter count is still low. Our dear Author, I just might seriously consider a kidnapping plan. My basement is ready, so watch your back author.

Story rating 4 out of 5. ------ Horror rating 0.5 out of 5 (0.5 out of pity).

But I repeat, no horror here. Horror system and horror abilities does not constitute to actual horror. A horror story needs to scare the reader or at least keep them engaged and on a thrill ride by horror elements. As much as the characters in the story are scared, we as readers need to feel that too. But this story is lighthearted. It can be read as a normal story with horror abilities used in non-horror ways.

I liked the story. Story progression is going smoothly, and characters are likeable. Horror system is a nice touch for this story. I liked that's it's about apocalypse instead of gates. Despite having some English issues, honestly, they're not that many and not to an unbearable extent. Examples ("have" instead of "has" or "able to" to instead of "in order"), they're few and easily readable. ---------- Currently, I only noticed 2 bad things that I could point out: 1 - Slow pacing when it's not needed to be slow (MC following a child for 3-5 chapters without adding anything to the story. Or when detailing combat and unnecessarily wasting time going into detail about side characters fighting). 2 - Story is about horror and MC has a horror system, and the synopsis is going on about how MC is the ultimate horror where everyone is afraid of him. HOWEVER, what we get is an MC with a conscience, he probably will scare humans by being creepy instead of actually scaring them (like how mad scientists scare people). When I started reading, I at least thought MC is going to have a few screws loose and gets thrilled by scaring others or he might have good intentions but he's so awkward/creepy that he scares people unintentionally. Heck, I thought he might even be an actual sociopath that disregarded his humanity and embraced ghost power. I enjoyed the story but it's not exactly what it conveyed itself as. However, despite that, I never thought the story is lacking. Author made such a good job giving us a glimpse in the first chapter about MC that we get to know his character naturally, MC develops and struggles within the confines of reason, there's no illogical plot armor or courting death. It's a steady story with good world building and good progression.

I'd like to add that I'm in love with the story. The pacing is nicely done. The progression of the story is natural. The story hooks and you just have to read it. Added to my favorites. Still, I can see that the many wives at the same time is gonna be a problem. And I can't stomach MC dragging every girl along with him (Sophie and Layla). Especially Layla! Ugh Author, you have to kill her off or something. No one will drop a single tear. Let MC use her in a plan and she somehow gets killed which drives MC mad with rage and he solves the problem but she's gone now.

It's a great story. Nice characters and competent MC. Story progression is neat, nothing bad sticks out, it's all smooth and nothing illogical. --- The only bad thing I can say here: - Many wives = not good I don't mind if he's a playboy that flirts and does the deed and then dips and disappears. The problem is when he likes someone, we get a lot of details during his conquest to conquer her and how he wifes her up. But after that we readers forget her cuz she's now in his collection, so why go in depth into her character? That's a problem. It'll become more of a problem the more wives he gets, it's just adding wives to his collection and adding baggage on top of his problems. It wouldn't have been a problem if he actually makes them his wife but leaves them in their world. It wouldn't be a problem if MC was just trashy and he just uses them then forgets them without making them wives. It becomes a problem when he's constantly trying to juggle between them when they're with him, we don't see their personalities and don't go in depth of their psyche, they just become a chore for the MC at that point. As a reader, I'm tired just reading about he plans his dates with each one. ----- Now, where my gripe lies: Why the heck is he capturing anyone and everyone and turning them into a wife? He can conquer anyone but no need to turn her into a wife! What's the point of layla? She has absolutely nothing to do with him, so why take her along? She's useless and doesn't add anything to the story. Even Sophie is too much, he just had a slight little connection with her, no feelings and certainly no purpose for MC to take care and wife her up. At this point it just feels like a collect em all type of story in terms of harem. The same type of problem every harem story has. Authors don't focus of the story and feelings behind characters. They focus on collecting as many girls for MC as possible within the confines of the story. I see this story heading in a similar direction. If the harem gets too much, even the author wouldn't know how to deal with it. My favorite characters in this story are: MC Anna Emily (cute lil kid) Favorite wives: Alice Sasha All others are just extra with no real need to add them in the story, it would've been fine if they were in their own world.

Oh let me also add that the leveling and ranking is trash. Especially the evolving part. What's the point of leveling up if it's going to be forgotten? Or worse, the leveling system is not reliable cuz author changed the intensity of who is powerful. Also, the evolutions for MC are seriously lacking. So you're telling me a counselor drove the world into utter damnation and all the races had to unite against him. (That's the evolution of around level 60 or something for MC, and then the counselor evolved too, so let's say his level was at 80 when he drove the world into madness). But later on in the chapters, all we see is utterly strong people or entities like that random elf that had to teach MC or that random fish or that random tree, that all were stronger than that councilor bro. and the evolution of MC is just trash, nothing new is added, just same abilities are strengthened. The last 2 evolutions were totally redundant, jus a cool sounding description but lackluster skills. The souls evolution at the start was awesome and more practical, especially since MC rarely uses his puppeteer skills. But author just had to give him the same class with same abilities with every evolution

Good things: - Great MC with nice psychopath personality. - Nice variety of female targets each with a unique personality - Characters are well built and have their past and they make decisions based on it, so nothing feels out of place - Dynamics between characters are great ------ Minor bad things: - First chapters are full of Grammer mistakes until editor comes along by chapter 130 or something - Author learns more English when editor comes along, but author goes overboard and explains everything in overly artistic way. (Example: author gives a skill description that's 5 paragraphs long and most of it is nonsense about how the skill is awesome and how it came to be and how it's only for the worthy and all that shit. just tell me what the skill does in a single sentence damn it). Thankfully, author fixed this problem as the chapters went by. Major bad thing: - Author introduces problems or plans just to ditch them afterwards. A lot of plot holes got created because of that. Why add problem after problem when it makes no sense? Mad scientist makes zombies, why the heck does he target MC at the start? He obviously was supposed to be the big bad villain here, but author just had to introduce the god avatar problem too, I'd understand if the god avatar is an actual villain for our MC here, but the zombie guy is just so random. Both these problems are just there in case author didn't have any other idea for the next chapter, they're just safeguards for author to fall on if he's stuck, at least that's what they feel like, since they're forgotten most of the time even though they're supposedly important. As for plans, MC always has a plan to make but it never works and it goes differently; he coul've just done it differently from the start instead of the stupid plan at the start (example: planning to get back the ultimate weapons the blacksmith made, only to be forgotten later. / planning to control the world through economy, only to be forgotten and after hundreds of chapters, his subordinates did it for him./ Or when he planned to control the elf kingdom by corrupting a family then a neighborhood till reaching the castle, but then it changes just cuz) all those plans just sound nice but aren't done properly because author introduces other things along the way and forgets about these or they work against the new introduced stuff so author takes them out of the story. - MC is all about manipulation, but throughout most of the chapters we rarely see that unless he's trying to get some chick into his bed. What about all the other uses? MC has some crazy good skills, but he rarely uses them, he just mainly uses hypnosis or some other normal stuff. MC never used his skills to their utmost potential (like memory alter). - Author just had to make MC into a big target and a big famous boy (high profile). MC has mind skills, he thrives from the shadows behind the scenes, but author just had to have him in the spotlight all the time. To fix that problem, author gave him powers aside from his mind powers, thus further making MC rarely use his mind powers.

It's trash. MC has no redeeming qualities. The lord tries her best to be understanding and honestly she's admirable in how patient she is. The plot has nothing new, it's always the same set up being repeated and copied from other novels with the same idea. Conclusion: Boring read + braindead plot + trashy mc = utter failure of a novel

Haha, I admit I went overboard about the characters changing, I just thought it was too fast of a change from a reader pov, while for them, they experienced the changes. So I just wanted more interactions of them in the process of changing. example: arrogant sadistic guy not caring about anyone except fiance > same guy but shows positive emotions and care > same guy now acting on his emotions and getting closer to others > same guy but now he's a meathead and puppy You skipped the middle parts of the changes. Anyway, I really enjoyed your novel, despite being new to writing, you honestly just captured what people want to see in a story. You have all the elements to making a great story here. You improved overtime and the story got better. Now you could just get better at world building and you'd be one of the top authors.

I must add the I really love the story despite it's minor shortcomings. I just wanted to complain a bit there. Anyway, great story, just ease up a bit author on the enemies, that's just too many enemies and too much trouble. If you want MC to build up his influence, there's no need to have so many problems just to force him. He's mafia, he could grow in the dark and build strength, I should add that he's still 14, meaning in his first year as a mafia don, there are now a lot of enemies there to mess things up. By how good the story is, I believe you author have a plan and vision for the story, but I just can't help but complain a bit to get it off my chest. After reading this novel, now I'm a big fan of yours author.

I'm impressed. Such high quality work. Awesome world building, everything is so detailed and has it's purpose. Author made a new world with magic and it's power scaling and political system with prominent groups and clear law and order. Great job author, This novel has one of the best world building settings and execution on WebNovel. There are no over the top information dumps, author gets an opportunity to explain something and he explains it and moves on. You don't get a massive world lore dumped into your face out of nowhere without reason. I love MC and his mafiaso values. I love the way he's surviving in this world through mafia, it's so relevant to this world and doesn't feel out of place. MC is steadfast and sticks to his word, he's what you'd expect from a former mafia member. I loved the characters around him and their interactions, even though I would have loved seeing more of lil sis. Everything that happens in this story is logical and follows a process, you don't feel the interactions weird nor do you think the power dynamics out of place. Author did his research, MC is not a hothead boi, when confronted by a powerful opponent, he knows when to compromise and how to deal with it, when given the opportunity to turn a foe into ally, he takes the deal. However, MC has his principal and bottom lines, he won't let go of things that touched his bottom line, even if the other side was a super hottie girl (finally! a character that doesn't go against his principals just cuz the other side is a woman, unlike all other MCs from harem novels), I finally found a rational MC that doesn't let threats slide and doesn't accept what happened just cuz the other side is a woman. Thank you author. This MC here got approached the wrong way by a woman as she lowkey threatened him into doing something, even though she helps and provided him with support later on, our MC still doesn't trust her cuz of that first meeting, which is very logical and rational. Again, Thank you author. ------- Now onto what I didn't particularly like or found problems with, these are my personal opinion: - Author uses the long form of sentence composition, that it makes sentences harder to read and follow and I have to reread.Maybe it's cuz author is not a native English speaker and his native language influences his writing. Example: his men didn't like that, due to his position, as one might think, as he has more potential for future problems. This is an example not from novel but author writes like this a lot. Author could just change the order and have it make more sense instead of complicating it like this. - Another problem is how long winded and how much author writes. While I like the world building, having to read so much when it could've been shorter is just nasty. We read about MC surprising his sis and picking her up, then a long description and reasoning of things related to that, then we resume with MC putting sis down. Come on author, I want more heart warming wholesome interactions and conversation instead of a long ass description about something else. - And finally, my most hated problem here. Too many problems happen. Just too many problems. Author, just give the man some peace for a bit damnit. Some problems could've been avoided with rational thinking but that didn't happen. Examples below: SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER ------------------------------------------------- SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER - When MC gets visited by a local gang (scarlet), another gang general thinks he's now with them and attack him without consulting his leaders might I add, And MC demolished them, so far no problem. Problem comes with all the incidents after that, I understand that this gang has to maintain its image, by why the heck do they keep targeting MC and his group? when MC destroyed one of their outposts and stole them, they didn't know it was him and even suspected it was scarlet gang, but the irrational shit that happened is that they targeted MC like madmen with no reason, and every time there was trouble, they only focused on MC while ignoring every other group just cuz of that first problem, the f*ckers had the possibility of being attacked by scarlet or others but they focused on MC only for revenge, how is that rational? as if destroying him would solve all problems. - Another problem is when MC went to get his second pentagram, he met professors, and then after some chapters got a pentagram that they wanted, and then trouble happened and he saved them, but after all of that he just let them go with neither killing them nor having them sign an agreement or anything to make them shut up and not screw him up by tattling on him. But guess what, they did exactly that, and now he has extra trouble from the royal school, and also from the religious congregation there. Everyone now knows there's someone who's the first in history that achieved the impossible. All that could've been avoided, MC is so rational and smart at times but other times he just becomes stupid to further the plot with more enemies. - Another incident is when suddenly people from the religious congregation in his base of operation attacked him to steal from him. After incapacitating them, he left two and took one, only having a verbal threat and promise to stop them from implicating him, cuz he couldn't kill them all. but then later in the carriage he used tools and artifacts stolen before to imprison his hostage and prevent her from using mana. This doesn't make sense here, it's like a build up for more trouble. He could have just kidnapped them all, they were down, he could have used those tools on them. Or he could've used a deal and made them sign it. END OF SPOILERS. -------------------------------------------------

I will start with the good then the bad. ------------ Good: A very entertaining read. I enjoyed the story all the way. I would recommend anyone thinking of reading this to give it a try. I won't go too much into why it's good, just read other reviews for that. --------------- Bad: There are mainly 4 problems with this story: 1- Author had no vision for how the story would turn out and the process, only the concept/premise at the start was deliberate. This style of going impromptu and seeing where this goes without setting any short term goals nor long term goals for the story just makes it hollow. Author is following the whims of readers, If readers wanted skill he'll give skill. Problem here is that this causes plot holes and author has to add author notes to explain them and then along the chapters more plot holes appear and author again gives plausible explanations and we fall into a rabbit hole. Events or things that happened in past chapters aren't properly remembered in future chapters by auther. In future chapters when it's mentioned that this event happened, if you go back to that event then you find that it's wrong. Author didn't remember it right, so these future chapters will be built on a false memory. 2- Author thoughts and pauses to story throughout chapters. You can tell author is new to writing since author has to explain in brackets why things happen and gives info dumps regularly, author didn't set the rules of the world beforehand, so he comes up with plausible explanations for world rules or events as the story goes. Honestly it just takes me out of the immersion in the story. 3- Characters have bad character design. Only Lia and Riya stayed true to their design, but others not so. How? At the start, every character is shown with his personality clear, an arrogant guy, a narcissist guy, an emotionless guy, a sadistic guy, and so on. The problem comes when we progress in the story, without any gradual changes, they suddenly display weird characteristics and everyone acts as if they were like that from the start. and don't tell me that's love working its magic. Love influences but doesn't change the core personality of someone. especially when that love was there long before the changes, for example, A sadistic guy that's used to being at the top of the world with everyone respecting him like the king that didn't talk much suddenly is a meathead and acts like a puppy and doesn't mind others not respecting him, If it's gradual then I'd understand, but it happened in one chapter. Same goes for Liam, he was the quiet type and smart and calculating, but then suddenly he teases and says stuff only friends of years would say. It just feels author is making them all turn out to be that silly friend group with no prior indication, these changes happen suddenly. No character development. just some lines explain that, like "you've already told me that more than 50 times in our last few hangouts", the process of a character changing is important, but we don't get to see that. 4- Author forgot the purpose of this story, we rarely see MC as extra and the protagonist is left unlucky and forgotten. Now MC is a bonafide Protagonist, he's the center of the world, I don't mind that, but what I do mind is breaking the premise that the original protagonist has the heavens luck by his side but is trash, he's now rarely seen and when seen he's got nothing, no harem and no power. don't say MC stole his powers, protagonist has exp based system where he can power up without other cheats. 5- Author feels to me like a weeb that lived watching anime and is writing based on his knowledge from anime, so myth, facts, historical events, character traits and personalities are built upon the cliche from anime. Same is happening here, it feels like characters are based on fictional friend groups (like avengers) they joke around mid fight and are childish while they are mid fight, this only happens in anime or marvel movies to add comedy with light hearted banter. Romance just just feels skewed, all the relationships I see here are built on banter. Guy teases girl, girl gets mad but blush. While it's sweet and wholesome reading the scenes, it gets tiring when all relationships here are built on banter.

A clumsy attempt at writing a novel. Don't get me wrong, I liked the concept and I've been waiting for it to get more chapters before reading, but now that I've read about 50 chapters I'm just disappointed and dissatisfied. It has a unique interesting idea and throughout the story you can see what the author wanted to characters to be like. (Like how MC can do things impossible to do with qi cultivation or how a green haired mommy is a playful sugar mommy) The main problem with this story: 1- Exposition is not done properly. Author doesn't know what to give more information about and what to skip. Noah basically has no personality here while his previous body owner has a set personality, or how author kept using flashbacks at the start, or how we have no info on the Mage god Noah, or how we got too many useless info about irrelevant things. this is mainly cuz author doesn't know how to properly show us what he wants us to see. 2- Characters have messed up personalities. It feels like author just wants to add scenes he read in other works and wanted to have them attached to certain characters. (Noah is supposedly ruthless but acts kind to who he wants to. But here everytime he acts he's either flirty or teasing and when he has his moments it's not that cool, It just doesn't reflect an old man who's filled with wisdom.) (There's also mommy, she's supposedly mature, but she got over her sons death and gets blushing by Noah from day 1, there's no development, she's still getting over her loss, why would she feel a tingle in her heart just from some kindness? She's not naive, she's mature. So it doesn't make sense.) The relationship and feelings they feels towards each other just feel forced. 3- Author is dragging out what could be over and done long ago. He's adding new enemies just for the sake of it. A lot of elements here are pointless and don't add to the story. Dear author, think thoroughly before adding pointless drama and pointless info, would any of this be relevant after 30~60 chapters? I think not. It's just for added drama, but that just makes it as boring and cliche as other cultivation works.

Read till chapter 32. I'm disappointed and dissatisfied. I saved this story in my library since it first came out (only had about 15 chapters at the time). why? Because I liked the idea of a faithful power couple that are op with a nice dynamic. Now I finally figured it's time to read it, but I'm disappointed. MC is not even MCing, he's basically a sidekick and is boring, I'd love a twisted mc which was portrayed at the start but after 10 chapters he's pathetic. His decisions aren't that bright, and some events just made me want to quit. [Example spoiler: when he gets a free wish in the roulette, I thought he was gon ask for something long lasting that will be a cornerstone for his strength like a growth type skill or a useful talent, something like Regeneration or siphon or something, But no, he asks for a stupid one time use doll that takes a fatal injury in his place! stupid choice] Harem really made me not even want to read the story, cuz it took away the only reason I decided to save it in my library (power couple), but I gave it chance thinking that it will happen later on. But, it's only been a few chapters and I can tell that author is setting up mc to be together with mama Isabella. Seriously author? I believed you in your review that there's a reason, but now it just feels like you'll force a reason to make a harem possible. and her kid is always sleeping just to avoid having to deal with him? Finally, the plot is fast paced, but it feels like we're not going anywhere.

dropped at chapter 7