Capítulo 11: VII - Knowing the enemy
I'm surprised ya'll still haven't noticed why his mental state is like that. I even made it a thing of almost constant repetition already but you guys don't seem to get it. It is related to a Campione's condition and what he seems to be the most worried about.
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After my little outburst my mental state stabilized –at least now I didn't feel angry– and time passed by quicker than I expected. Three days later it was time for our trip to Scotland, so Felicia and her mother came to our home and my dad took us to the airport. Apparently, mom couldn't bear the thought of seeing me leave for another country alone, so she stayed at home.
And like that, we had already boarded the plane and were flying to the UK, Scotland to be more specific. I had already made sure to tell Felicia about the peculiarities of Scottish people. Things like them hating being called Britts or just English people, their accent being quite hard to understand if you were not used to it and a few other minor warnings. She took them to heart since she knew I had already been to the country before. My relationship with her was stuck in a friendship that looks like more than it actually is, mostly because of my mental state the past few days which didn't allow me to fully open up to her with my problems. I was just... terrified of the idea of her being afraid of me. Even more so with me not knowing who I was.
It was just a thought I couldn't get out of my head. Who was I? Was I still Alan Seong from before? Was Alan Seong now just a shell for the Campione? Were they both the same person all the time and I just never knew who I really was? I just wanted to be over with this so I could feel alright again.
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"Ladies and gentlemen, we have just been cleared to land at the Edinburgh Airport. Please make sure one last time your seat belt is..." I heard the announcement from the flight attendant before turning her off from my head. I just did what I already knew had to be done while helping Felicia with her seatbelt, something she didn't ask me to but I did on instinct. It was something my dad did with mom sometimes, helping without her asking. Felicia looked at me with a very slight blush, but I just quickly turned to the other side, playing myself for an ashamed fool.
Couple of minutes later we landed and there, at the airport, The Ancient One was waiting for us. Well, of course this one was her facade, Althea Dallas. As everyone collected their suitcases and bags with the teacher, I had a short chat with The Ancient One.
"You said the danger came from Bríg, right?" I asked just to make sure of what I already knew. Even if I was feeling like a grim reaper came, tore my soul in two and then stitched them back together, I had to take this seriously. After all, it was my solo debut and something that could put many people in danger.
"Yes indeed. I assumed you didn't need a briefing about who Bríg is, right?" The Ancient One asked sarcastically. I appreciated the joke as much as I appreciated Felicia respecting my space and not trying to pressure me into talking. I knew they both were just doing their best at helping me cope with my problems, even if they didn't know what they were.
"Huh, Bríg, Brigid or Brigit is one of the Tuatha Dé Dannan or Tuatha Dé. Daughter of The Dagda, wife of Bres and mother of Ruadán. She is a Goddess associated with wisdom, poetry, healing, protection, blacksmithing and domesticated animals. Some say she had two sisters, Brigid the smith and Brigid the healer, so it is believed she might've been a triple deity rather than just one single being. Also, she is hailed as 'the goddess whom poets adore'." I answered with all the info I had about Bríg with a scoff, as if her questioning my knowledge was an offense.
"It is good to see who you might be facing, Alan." The Ancient One said with mock relief in her voice. I just looked at her and did my best at smiling. I really just didn't like people knowing I was hurt. Not when even I couldn't properly understand myself.
"Well, if that was it, curator Dallas, I will be going back to my classmate." I said jokingly while turning around and walking in Felicia's direction. I heard The Ancient One clear her throat, which I understood as her wanting to say something more. So I turned around and looked at her, asking her to procede with what she was going to say.
"She is quite a peculiar girl Alan. Most youngsters would've gotten frustrated over you and left, but she hasn't." The Ancient One began, and I didn't know where she was going with that, talking about Felicia. "Try to be more honest with her... when the people we care about are hurting and we can't help them, we suffer too."
I opened my eyes wide at her last words. I... hadn't even considered that being a possibility. Was Felicia suffering because I didn't allow her to help me at all with my problem? But what could she do? I couldn't possibly explain to her that I had somehow lost my empathy towards almost the entire world bar a few people, that I had felt nothing while killing the alien invaders or barely felt anything while seeing dead people. I couldn't explain how I felt because of that. She would be disgusted with me.
"Sometimes, Alan, we are too quick to judge how someone might react to certain things." The Ancient One said, bringing me out of my thoughts. "And I can tell perhaps better than most, that it is in those situations that we are usually wrong."
"I... thank you." I said before leaving. Felicia was sitting on the floor against a wall while waiting for everyone to check if everything was alright with their things, something she had already done. While thinking about what I had just been told, I sat beside her and just dropped my head on her lap, something I had taken to doing before I started feeling like this.
"I feel like shit." I said, honestly showing the emotions that I had been hiding from her. I still couldn't explain just what I was and the root of the problem but... at least I could ask for a bit of help. Then I felt a hand on caressing my hair.
"I'm here for you, idiot." Was all she said as we stayed like that for a couple of minutes. My problem was far from solved. I still hadn't really opened up, I was still terrified of what she might think. I was still afraid of me not finding out just who I am. But... I was finally a bit relaxed after almost a week.
"Thank you, Felicia... really, thank you." I said, trying to show her just how thankful I truly was to her for sticking with me even after these past few days of me acting like a stranger around her.
"No Alan... thank you." Was all I heard before falling asleep.
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So... A lot of people feel like all of this is forced... there are reasons for it, one of them being human emotions. If you have never felt out of nowhere like a piece of shit and couldn't get out of that mood, then you have a pretty chill life or you just really know how to deal with your emotions and your head messing with yourself. In my eyes, Alan is just unstable because he is having an emotional crisis about many things. And there is a very good reason for that outside of his emotions too, something I am surprised you all haven't picked up on. The one thing he seems to be the most worried about, almost 'obsessively'.
PS: It's not Felicia. PS2: The title of this chapter refers to more than one enemy, try to guess which in the Comments, I really want to read your guesses.
BTW, I have a Discord server, the link is in the comments and the synopsys.
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