Capítulo 12: VIII - Being oneself
When things can go wrong, they will go wrong. I had already lived through it once, I just wasn't expecting it to happen again so soon.
*
After we had settled down in the Eden Locke, hosted by The Ancient One, we all quickly went to sleep. The following morning we had to get ready to visit the National Museum of Scotland, where The Ancient One would give us a tour focused around the Celts. The museum was a place I had already visited so I didn't feel that amazed by it, but having the input of The Ancient One on some of the things showcased in it was mind-opening. She knew a lot more about the museum and everything in it than the best historian out there.
During the visit I had this nagging feeling that something was going to happen, just like... just like when the earthquake happened. Thus, I did my best to stay as close to Felicia as possible. Honestly, it wasn't that hard, considering I was the only person she really talked to. I could see The Ancient One looking at us from time to time in frustration, because Felicia kept asking me questions about the Celts and the objects we were looking at, instead of asking her who was acting as our guide.
Alas, I was more worried about the feeling in my mind. It was something that I couldn't explain, as if my mortal enemy was somewhere close and every cell in my body was asking me to slay it. Then I realized what that feeling really was. And once again, everything seemed to go the way I didn't want it to.
An explosion as big as a missile's hit the museum, turning it into a mess of debris and smoke. I panicked. My mind went blank with only one though.
'Please be alright, please be alright. I beg you, please!' Was all I could think of as I rushed towards Felicia. I found her with the rest of the class under a barrier which I could identify as Eldritch Magic. The Ancient One had done her part of the deal and kept them safe.
"Felicia, are you alright?" I asked, still worried. After checking her with my Authority of Life and realizing she was in a perfect state, I was filled with a different emotion. Anger.
"I'm alright... Alan, what is going on? Are you ok?" Felicia responded calmly yet confused, which was nothing but logical all things considered. I didn't even think of hiding just who I was at that moment. All I wanted was to get that bitch. So without thinking about it much, I just summoned my armor right there in front of Felicia.
"Stay here ok? Everything will be solved soon." I said. I wasn't thinking straight, clouded in the anger of someone putting Felicia in danger. Seeing the debris falling from the museum's ceiling made me remember that dreadful moment in which I lost everything, and that made me even more angry. I was certain of one thing. Bríg would pay for this.
What I hadn't noticed was Felicia's face of realization that didn't contain much surprise, or the reaction all my classmates had. Nor the amount of phones that had just filmed me donning my armor. It was pretty much a way of saying 'hey world, here I am, I am superhero of sorts'.
So there I was, angry as I had never been –not even when I exploded under Bear Lake. Then I felt Bríg's movement. Tilting my head to the left I dodged a spear strike by a hair's width, only to quickly strike back with my own weapon. To my surprise, Featherfall was blocked by the same spear I had dodged. Though when I thought about it, divine weapons were divine weapons. Heretic God or not. Bríg and I quickly got tangled in a dance of slashes, blocks and strikes, trying to either cut, pierce or give each other any kind of wound.
"Hah, the little Campione thinks he can kill me, how cute." I heard Bríg say as I blocked a strike of hers that sent me backwards, skidding on the ground. I got a bit mad at that comment, I'll be honest. Petty, perhaps. But I was already angry.
"Oh I am definitely going to kill you." I said as I dashed towards her, hitting with all my strength put on Featherfall and sending her flying through a hole on the roof; didn't want to cause anymore damages to the place.
"Really? You don't look like you could kill a fly kid. Or have you already tasted the blood of your enemies?" She mocked, and I... was affected. She was hitting the right buttons as if she knew exactly what I had been going through. But... how?
"Oh so I hit a nerve? It is written all over your face kid. You can't deal with yourself and you want to deal with me?" She kept mocking me, her voice full of mirth and contempt. And as it was predictable... I just got angrier.
"Shut up!" I said while rusing her with a flurry of slashes which I could tell she was having a hard time to block... but I was also full of openings. And as such, I took my first wound. What would've been a deep thrust going through my leg became a slash thanks to me narrowly dodging. Quickly healing, I just rushed her again. I wasn't thinking straight. I was a stupid kid who took on way more than he could chew just to see his family again and wanted to run away as soon as he realized what his life would become. I couldn't see who I was or even if I was still myself. I just wanted to run wake up and see everything solved.
"You're just a stupid kid, you can do nothing. You're weak." Bríg said. And she was right. I was weak when it mattered the most. If I couldn't bring myself to kill someone or something without feeling like this, then what was I supposed to do? My entire existence in this world was supposed to be killing beings like this Heretic Bríg. And still, all I did was deny that reality.
"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" I yelled in rage as I kept striking at her, not caring if I hit her or about the wounds I got since they healed too fast for me to care. She was pressing the right buttons, and I was falling for her game like the stupid kid I was. I was useless when it mattered. I was unstable. And it made me even more angry. Who was I? Where was all of this anger coming? Why was I so obsessed with not knowing who I was? Everyone deals with an identity crisis at some point, but why was I so affected by it?
I dodged a slash from Bríg that would've severed my head and delivered one of my own aimed at her waist, a bigger target than the neck. She jumped backwards in the air where we were fighting, looking at me with that contempt I hated so much.
"What is it little Campione? Did this Goddess make you angry? Is the little kid angry?" She said scornfully. I couldn't think straight. Flying towards her at my max speed, perhaps going even further than the Mach 35 I thought was my limit. Appearing right in front of her, I just hit as hard as I could, knocking her to the ground.
Bríg was clearly hurt, and it made sense. She wasn't a fighter to begin with, she was just a healer, a poet, a blacksmith, a master of the beasts. But she never was a warrior, even if all the Celts were. She had been playing with my emotions to make me lose focus and control and she had succeeded. To the point were I didn't know what to do know, with her bleeding from her mouth and hurt. I knew I had to kill her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My every cell was screaming at me to end her right there, yet my mind was scared of what that would turn me into. I was afraid of what I already was. But now I wasn't the only one who knew about it.
"Come on Campione! Kill me! That is the only thing you know how to do! Kill, kill and kill!" Bríg yelled, still keeping the contemptuous act, the scorn in her voice. I didn't want to hear it. I wasn't like that. I wasn't just a killer.
"No, no, no. Shut up, shut up, please stop." I muttered in panic. I didn't want to hear more of it. I just wanted it all to end. And then they spoke.
"You're not like that Alan! If that was true then who have I spent the past week talking to?! So what is you are this?! You are also the mythology geek who defended me from a gang of delinquents on my first day at school! You are the guy who wants to work with me and become a celebrity! You are the awesome person who reduced the bullying at school! You are a hero who saved hundreds of lives and helped stop a war before it even started! You are the person your parents love and your brother respects so much! You are the guy I came to like after he butted into my life all of a sudden! Are you saying everyone who believes in you is wrong?! Alan you can touch the Sun if you want to, you just have to believe in us who believe in you!" Felicia yelled at me in one breath, desperate for me to hear her in between her cries and sobs.
It was only then that I realized she had heard everything. She knew just who I was. She knew what I had done. She knew how I felt. And she was still there, trying to help me get through it. And something she said hit me hard. So what if I was also a guy who killed in a war? So what if I had become less empathic towards the rest of the world? I was also the guy who saved lives. I was also the guy who so deeply loved his family. I was also the guy who liked Felicia so much he wanted to kill someone for putting her in harm's way.
"Alan, don't let WHAT you are affect WHO you are. Yes, you are a Campione. But you are Alan Seong, the Campione. Remember what goes first, and you will be fine." The Ancient One said and, as usual, she was right.
All this time I had been thinking about who I was because I couldn't accept what a Campione was. I thought I was no longer Alan Seong, but I had always been me. Alan Seong, the regular high school kid who wants to be a celebrity. Alan Seong the Campione who fights Heretic Gods and is dentined to fight outworldly entities. Alan Seong the kid who was so stupid he fell in love in a week. Alan Seong who pretty much made a deal with the devil to see his parents again. They were all me and I was all of them. And I would always be myself.
"Sorry to keep you all worried, guys." I said with joy in my voice as tears fell from my eyes under my helmet. Then I quickly refocused on what mattered right now. "And sorry for ignoring you for so long, Bríg."
"The moment was touching, but I can no longer heal myself kid... just end me already, go on... you're still a killer." She said, clearly trying to taunt me once again into losing my temper. But this time I was in control. This time I knew what I had to do and why I did it.
"You're right... but I only kill when I have to, not for pleasure." I said before trying to sever her head from her body. Trying being the keyword. Bríg's body was protected by a golden barrier.
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Phew... this one was tought to write. I did my best at choosing each and every word, which is why it took so long. Sorry for the wait. Also, one of the key concepts is "Obsession", something someone pointed out to me in the coments about campione is that they are all obsessed with something. Well, Alan is too, I just wanted to set it up. His obsession? Being himself. That is why he was so emotionally unstable, because he is obsessed with being himself yet he didn't feel like himself. Sorry –but not sorry– if it came out as cringy or corny, I don't really care because I was actually going for that "over the top stupid anime moment were the power of friendship and love wins over all else".
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