PayDay - Profile

I understand, I'm still enjoying the story just had to point out the one pet peeve.

Enjoying the novel, but can you stop writing pokemons. It is already plural like sheep.

It sounds like he's grooming little girls...

I'm surprised there were no inquisitors around waiting to see who'd show up at the ice emerald sect.

don't think so.

I don't know if I like this chapter. first, the root ninja come out of hiding instead of retreating until the poison takes affect. then they out themselves as working for danzo in front of the other kids (mind you poison hasnt even affected them yet). then jiroku goes on to out himself in front of those kids that he's already had run ins/dealt with root members before. finally they were able to seemingly make it close to the hospital before that poison even took affect.

Author, tftc but please consider the dude is in high school. He sounds like the school counselor who came by once a year. No one is clapping to that monologue just saying cringe and that the new kids a weirdo.

Your character is definitely a hufflepuff.

Does he even have clothes right now?

Whats mlp?

should be 5-6

I mean rather than do these skips in moments you're better off doing flash backs at key times of the story the flow would be better tbh.

Bye

Felt like time skipped a lot but it wasn't a terrible chap