Bab 61: 61. Living A Lie
Monday
As I come to my mind feels fuzzy. A dull ache in my head has me rolling over in the small blanket tucked around me. As I open up my eyes I see Yoongi sitting on the floor beside me with his back against couch. The two iced coffee on the table in front of him caught my attention instantly.
"Morning beautiful. You feeling alright?" He turned at the sound of my shifting, his hand rests on my thigh from over the blanket.
"Mm. I feel wrecked." I mumbled, letting my surroundings sink in. The memories of last night coming back to me, we'd had dinner and then drinks… And then from there.. The thought of Yoongi all over me sent a small wave down between my legs. He'd fucked me last night, but, I didn't remember anything after that.
"We both got a bit carried away last night. Here, for the hangover." Yoongi handed me a pain killer that'd been on the table. I carefully sat up, quickly becoming aware that I was in nothing but Yoongi's T-Shirt.
"Thanks" I took the pill from him, holding the blanket closer to my body. Yoongi handed me the glass of water after swallowing his hangover cure, I quickly drank them down too before he swapped the water in my hand for a coffee.
"You're not shy, are you?" He glances over, noticing the way I'm clinging to the blanket.
"Ahh, a little maybe. Last night…" I felt a small heat reach my cheeks as more of what had happened came back. His touch reached my thigh again, the soft squeeze he gave as his suggestive gaze settled on me.
"Last night was nothing compared to the dirty little things I wanna do to you. So, you'd better get over that shyness quick." I hung off every word as they dripped sexily from his mouth.
"Fuck, Yoongi stop. Please. It's too early for this." A raspy breath left me as I tried to calm down. Yoongi stifled a cheeky snort of a laugh before turning back to the table.
"Yeah you're right. I'll ease up on you for now. We've both been through the ringer lately. You hungry?" He pulled over the container that had also been on the table and offered me a dumpling that was inside.
"Yeah, I should probably put something in my stomach." I carefully shifted down and sat closely beside him on the floor, blanket still wrapped around me. Yoongi popped a dumpling into my mouth before eating one too.
Despite my light headache, which, was now fading, it was cosy being there with him, huddled on floor eating. When was the last time things had been like this between us?
"You're not wrong. Lately, all I've been thinking about is how things ended up so fucked." I admitted. Stealing a glance in his direction. Yoongi gave a small sigh before bringing another dumpling to my lips which I ate.
"Me too. I've been going mad, trying to find a way to fix it. But, I'm at a loss. The only thing I've been able to do is put it in my music." He pushed his hair back out of his face, "If only a song could change the world."
"If only." I echoed his sentiments. A strong love for music was something that had bound Yoongi and I from the beginning. That, and our aptitude for running to each other at the first sign of trouble.
The two of us stayed snuggled up and finished eating. Yoongi placed a soft kiss to my lips before putting the empty container back on the table. I leant into his shoulder and relaxed, his smell filling my senses, washing an all too familiar calm over me. The times he'd come running to my rescue, holding me close, soothing me through my pain and fear. When my apartment had been broken into, when Joon and Hobi had fought and left me shaken, when I'd gotten too drunk and needed to be taken home. So many times, it'd been him. There's no place quite like here…
After some time passed Yoongi told me that apart from a few last touches, the song was basically finished and suggested that I go home and relax while I recover from my hangover.
It wasn't a bad idea but instead, I decided to go back, freshen up, grab a change of clothes and come back into the agency. There was some songs I'd put to the side that I wanted to work on, Yoongi seemed to understand as I mentioned it. He grabbed my chin and kissed me before saying goodbye, promising to see me soon.
On my walk back through the streets towards home the sun was disappearing into the afternoon, the early smell of rain drifted through the cooling air. I made sure I didn't take too long to shower and pack an overnight bag just in case the skies did decide to break out. The summer was coming to an end, giving way to Autumn, forecast of showers being brought with it.
As I went back to the agency, visions of that moment crept in. The after-spatter. The crack of the trigger being pulled. I cover them over, recalling Yoongi's touch over my skin. The rush of last night, vivid. It's strong, strong enough to blanket the nightmares.
I lock myself in my office and lose myself in writing. In the pain, the nostalgia, the happier times. I needed to cleanse, to hide away and shed these lingering feelings. Time went slow. But, everything goes, and, there was a relief to be found at the end of my self-indulgent session. By that time it was late, the day had completely passed, the time at the bottom corner of my computer screen read 1:30am.
My stomach gave a light ache, I hadn't even stopped for dinner. Unable to take the grumble I ventured down to the cafeteria in hopes of finding something to eat. The halls were empty, quiet. Thoughts of dropping by to see if Yoongi was still in, came to my mind.
As I rummaged through the fridge an unexpected voice called my name. I pulled my head out of the fridge, looking around to see Hoseok who seemed an equal surprise at running into each other.
"Hoseok, what're you doing here so late?" I asked, making sure to grab the Convenience store branded Onigiri from the fridge before closing the door.
"I stayed back to get some extra dance practise in. What's your excuse?" As he came closer I could see the small bags under his eyes, he didn't appear to be that tired but his body was saying differently.
"I was working on some music. Time kind of got away with me, and I started getting hungry" I gave a small laugh as I held up the rice ball in my hand.
"Oh, that looks tasty." He eyed the package in my hand.
"There's another one in there if you want." I grabbed it out and passed it to him.
"Thanks. So, what were you working on?" He asked as he opened it and took a bite.
"Um. It's a secret" I gave a small smile, "But, when it's ready I'll show it to you." I slowly began to eat too.
"What were you doing here anyway? Just came to get food, or?" I went on, mostly just making light conversation.
"Oh, right. That reminds me. I was on my way to Yoongi's studio. I was going to ask him for some help filming a dance video." He lit up as he recalled his initial intensions.
"I'm not busy, if you want I could help you." I offered, finishing off the last morsel of rice.
"Yeah. That'd be great." He beamed.
The two of us made our way through the quietness of the building and down to the practice room together. When we reached the basement I could faintly hear the patter of rain from outside. The floorboards were polished and the mirrors reflecting the emptiness of the room, that was, except for Hoseok and I.
He set up the camera on a stand, angling it at the space he was going to dance. When he called out that he was ready I pressed the record button and tuned on the music.
I watched Hoseok through the camera screen as he began to pop and lock to the music. Now and again, I'd glance up from the screen to him, the way he moved his body was so precise and smooth, truly mesmerizing. We reviewed the video footage before doing a couple more takes until he was happy with one.
While we were packing up the music that had still been playing in the background turned over to the next song. One that gave me fond memories.
"I love this song" I hummed, smile breaking across my face.
"Then, let's have one last dance?" Hoseok came over, gently offering to take my hand. I placed it in his, only for him to tug me closer, slipping behind me in one smooth movement. His free hand falls to my hip as he guided my light swaying, it came so naturally.
"Hoseok," I whispered, tilting my head aside for him to hear easily over the music.
"Hm? What is it?" He breathed, as though reveling in the moment.
"Nothing, I just, do you remember the last time we danced?" I gave a light giggle.
"I do, I remember what came after that, too." He nuzzled up closely by my ear. His closeness melts me as we sway gently together.
"I've been feeling so nostalgic lately," I spoke quietly, "I find myself traveling back, lingering in those times more and more."
"I know things aren't perfect and a lots changed since then. But, there's still good. Since debuting we've received a lot of love from fans. From Army." The name they'd chosen for their fandom. He was right, I'd caught glimpses of their responses on social media.
"That's who the dance videos for, right?" I hummed.
"Yeah. I want to try and return the love they've been giving us. That goes for ditching all this crime too. I feel guilty, like I'm lying to them about who I am." I give a small nod at his confession, turning slowly in his arms and resting my head on his chest.
"You're not the only one."
He stayed silent as we rocked back and forth, his hand resting on my head. I didn't know if he thought I was talking about myself or not. The truth went beyond that. It reached the worry Joon expressed having for the boys. It resided in Tae's heart too, the conflict I'd witnessed him struggle with the night of the execution. That night hadn't just been the death of a person, it'd carried a death of innocence with it.
Despite Jimin not openly saying he wanted out, it was clear that having to lie to himself to be with that girl was hurting him. Then, there was Yoongi. If we hadn't been knees deep in crime then his shoulder injury may well have never happened. He may not be struggling like he is right now.
A few regrets? More like a thousand. Piling up, spilling over. Wreaking havoc.
"Hobi, I'm so tired." My words escaped me unintentionally.
"Then, let's get some sleep. I have some futons we can use." He pulled away, pursing his lips in a tight smile. He looked just as tired as me.
"Alright, let's take them up to my office. It's comfortable up there."
"Sure."
And with that, we turned off the music and packed up the practice room. Making sure to collect the futons before making our way to my office. After setting them up beside each other on the floor we crawled in, exhaustion overtaking. Hoseok lent me his arm to rest my weary head on, and the two of us drifted off into our dreams.
Notes:
Helloo~
Seriously I'm really excited so part 2, I have an idea I'm really keen and excited on, I wish I could say it but I can't spoil it ><
If you can, within these last few chapters I'll be posting could you please leave me some feedback about what you liked and didn't like...
I want to be able to take what you guys think into consideration moving forward so I can make the next era something really fun ☺️
So, let me know, what kind of genres/themes did you enjoy?
Romance? Thriller? Angst? Fluff? Smut? Dark themes? Light hearted?
Or maybe let me know which member of Bangtan's storyline you enjoyed the most?
Anything is appreciated, and, if you're shy or don't wanna that's totally okie too 💗 I still love ya cute lil ghosty readers so don't worry~
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