Bab 118: Star Wars: Phantom Menace Revised Script - Chapter 1.
In celebration of Star Wars day, (I know it has a passed a few days ago), I am making a special upload. On my pat re on, I have made an exclusive series called - The Revised Scripts. In it I try to improve upon the scripts of movies/TV shows/manga/anime etc. And this isn't unrelated to this hollywood novel because these revised scripts will obviously be featured in this book later on. Though it might be in as detail as you'll see in these scripts.
If you have any suggestions for what movie's, tv shows, anime/manga, etc. I should revise/rewrite next please head on to my pat reon page become a free member and vote on the polls when I will be holding it.
Anyways lets get on with the chapter.
The First Part of the revised script of Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace.
Main writer's credit to the Immortal Writer's Association.
— Episode I —
THE PHANTOM MENACE
The embers of dissent smolder throughout the Galactic Republic. The peaceful planet of Naboo, hoping to withdraw from the overbearing Trade Federation, has refused the interplanetary organization's excessive demands.
While the senate of the republic remains mired in tireless debate and bureaucratic procedure, the Trade Federation has decided to blockade the planet of Naboo with a fleet of battleships.
Hoping to resolve this matter peacefully, the Supreme Chancellor has secretly dispatched two Jedi knights, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, to protect the princess of Naboo and settle the dispute. But an ancient enemy has also taken interest in the growing conflict..
Title scrawl ends...
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The movie starts with an opening shot of a republic spaceship moving through outer space and slowly coming to a stop over the orbit of a beautiful lush green planet called Naboo.
The scene then changes to the internal view of the spaceship where there is a hub bub of crew mates preparing for their landing, in the capital city of Theed.
An officer of the crew enters a room and approaches two hooded figures sitting in silence as if meditating. He calls for their attention and informs them that they will be reaching their destination shortly.
As Obi-wan Kenobi the apprentice talks with his master Qui-Gon Jinn how he appreciates that the chancellor sent them because he believes in their ability to handle the dispute and reach a peaceful resolution between the two parties.
Meanwhile, Qui-gon jinn his Jedi master pensively gaze out of the window as he listens to his optimistic apprentice. And even though he appreciates and approves of him keeping a positive attitude.
He feels something is amiss in the force, that he is missing something but he just can't quite put his finger on it. So, as to warn his apprentice to be vigilant. He says, "I am not so sure the galaxy is as simple as the chancellor hopes it was."
{A/N: Maybe I can even try to put in the iconic line: "I've got a bad feeling about this" later on. I wanted to put in the line here, with Qui-gon saying it to Obi-wan rather than Obi-wan being the one to say it. but I didn't want to make it feel like I'm meme-ing over here or trying to crack a joke because this is a tense situation.}
{A/N: Also with this scene I'm trying to establish the kind of dynamic these two characters share. With Qui-gon, the Jedi master being the unorthodox rule breaking going with the flow type. While Obi-wan his padawan, is the one who is more rule abiding, rigid and disciplined. It's an attempt to show an inversion of the common trope.}
The scene then cuts to a conference room of trade federation officials discussing something amongst themselves in hushed tones. Present amongst them is Nute Gunray, the viceroy of the federation.
After leaving the other officials he walks through an empty corridor to a dead end. But then walls suddenly slide after getting a scan of his hand, when he placed it on the wall. After looking back to check if anyone saw him, he quickly enters the room, the walls close back leaving no trace behind.
As he reaches the centre of the room, a hologram comes to life before him. It projects an ominous hooded figure that informs about the Jedis that were going to serve as the negotiators being close and then asked him if his preparations were complete.
"Yes," Gunray responds, "but I hate wasting resources like this, are you sure there is no other way to go about this?"
The hooded figures then reassures him. "It is no waste, as your people know better than anyone." he tells the nemodian.
"Sacrifice is necessary for success. And do not be afraid for apprentice will be close." After saying that shot changes to the room the hooded figure is in, he turns around to address his apprentice.
"Maul. Take care of the Jedi's for me and let none find out the real reason why we are attacking Naboo."
Maul nodded and said, "The scientists will kidnapped and made to be looked like they were killed in the ensuing battle master."
"Good." Sidious replied as he dismissed him with an evil laugh as he felt a dark satisfaction of his plans coming together.
{A/N: Who are these scientists that the two are talking about? Keeping reading maybe you'll find out about it in the next chapter phantom menace or in the next episode.}
The scene fades to black with that ominous laugh playing in the background and scene changes back to the republic vessel. As the ship lands on a landing port we see the Jedi master and discipline come out in their hooded cloaks.
Upon reaching the botton of the ships gankplank they are promptly greeted by a pair of delegates from Naboo. They lead the pair to a building, and then to a meeting room where two low rank beaucrats from the Trade Federation are waiting for them.
As the two move closer they drop their cloaks and show their faces introducing themselves. Obi-wan seems relaxed and at ease, while Qui-gon seems even more tense, the force seemed to be making him wary of the something but he still couldn't tell what it is exactly.
"We can finally begin." a middle-aged man whose negotiating from Naboo's side says as he gestures for the Jedi knights to take a seat.
The scene abruptly changes to show the underside of the table where we see a small device is blinking and the legs of Jedi knights appear in shot showing that it is the very table the negotiators are seated on.
The scene then changes again as we see the landing port where the republic spaceship is parked at. We see another similar device blinking away stuck to the underbelly of the ship and tense music seems to fill the background.
"Then we can start with dues your planet owes to the federation." One of the nemodian negotiators speaks up.
"You have no right to back out of your obligations to us." Spoke the other nemodian, inflaming the negotiators from Naboo.
They answer defiantly, but with more emotion than substance and soon the room devolves into a chaotic fish market with everyone shouting on top of the other while trying to get their point across the board.
Usually this would where the Jedi knights would step in and calm the mood of the room before it devolved even further into actual fighting. But Qui-gon's mind was just somewhere else, the weird feeling that seemed to prevade this room hadn't gone away.
Instead it only seemed to get stronger with each passing second, but he still couldn't pin point the location of the thing that had filled him with such unease. We hear a short internal monologue from Qui-gon as the shot pans down to show the device blinking faster.
And then back to Qui-gon who is still deep in thoughts trying to use the force to discover where exactly was the danger coming from. The camera pans onto his face to get a close up, as his face morphs from concern and distress to outright fear, as the music crescendos.
He immediately leaps back and calls for Obi-wan and in the blink of an eye, force pushes both of them out of the room and into the hall. Before Obi-wan could even get a hold of his bearings and ask his master for the reason behind his abrupt actions.
The room along with the negotiators violently explodes, Qui-gon uses the force to push the button to close the door of the room and succeeds in saving himself and his apprentice. But it comes at the cost of the life of the negotiators and a botched mission.
But this isn't the only explosion as just seconds later more explosions go through the trade federation's offices as the alarms start blaring with the personnel scrambling to get control of the situation as Obi-wan is finally back at his feet.
He joins his master to get a look around at the messy situation that they had found themselves in. Inside he is filled with sadness at his incapablity to sense the bomb before the explosion and saving the lives of the negotiators.
The two are in a jam as the negotiators from both sides are killed and the officers are in a chaos. Unfortunately at the turn of events, the duo of master and apprentice don't know as to who they can trust and whom to be suspicious of.
{A/N: AND CUT!
This is part 1 of the script of Mark's version of Star Wars: Episode 1 - Phantom Menace. Written by George Lucas with the help of the IWA.
With the ending of this part 1, one very big change that you guys will notice is that I killed off negotiators from both sides. Now why did I do that? Its simple because this way the Jedi's don't have a clear cut enemy.
I personally found the tatics used by the trade federation in the original phantom menace to be very basic and childlike and there really wasnt anything menacing about it.
In my version things won't be so simple just like Qui-gon had said, it's easy to fight against an enemy that fights us directly and above the board.
But what can the Jedi's even do against Darth Sidious and this new Nute Gunray who won't hesitate to sacrifice even his own people to fulfill his greed. Currently the Jedi's are in dark as to who their true enemies are, lets see if that changes in part 2 of the script.
If you guys liked content like this, then please let me know in the comments. I will make more such exclusives in the future featuring the scripts of Mark's movies. Like – Spider-Man 1, Iron-man 2, X-Men First Class, Fantastic Four, Attack of the clones, etc.
This script is actually written by yours truly after taking in and using many for your suggestions and Ideas. I hoped you liked it.
These will be small 1k to 1.5k chapters covering the entire script of Phantom Menace.
Star Wars has always been a big part of my childhood, so I want to do it justice. Thank you for reading and bye.}
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