You have a huge run-on sentence. Try to break it up a little
Heemani Scott was sleeping peacefully in her tiny bed. Her long blonde hair was covering her face, she doesn't enjoy waking up, there is nothing to wake up to, no hope for a better future, the thought of delivering spicy chicken and taking customers' orders irritates her.
Urban · Marble_Fun_World
I like Ander! He’ got dry humor. But I worry for hims
"Now that I recall my words, they were indeed a little harsh. It was a mistake on my part." With a slight pause, Ander continued, "They were meant for a man, not for a frail woman like you."
Sci-fi · zenith_677
I think it’s great! I’ not sure any other prologue would have worked!m
ch 0 1 Prologue
Fantasy · Pinkyprincess
You have written ‘one’ three times in a row…?
この段落は削除されました。
Fantasy · Inflameous
Wow… This story started out normal then I got whiplash. Not bad, but wow… I really like the story of Simonand Periphae. It was very detailed and well done. I also like the characters. While Julianna seems to easily switch moods as much as her sister Lucy, she seems cool. Eric is very soft for someone who’s had a violent life. I’m hoping to see him become stronger in the chapters to come. Keep up the good work, Author!
Pasiphae doppelganger
History · Mary_Onaduja