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Shifty_DaoistMage: His government is run by communists, so he should be blaming them. Must be the Chinese government affecting Webnovel againThe City of Terror · C8
Jokedao: "curse those capitalists" ok sir then why don't you ask those stupid communists about your pay then.The City of Terror · C8
Beta_Tauri: I will be content if they continue this day by day release, thoI have a Mansion in the Post-apocalyptic World · C868
Mike_Wolfez: It's hard to believe that european wizards failed running for 3 centuriesRise of House Falken - Harry Potter Fan Fiction · C66
Keisar: Harem was and is common sense in some placesA New Hero in DC? · C2
Denzel_theking: Yh unlike kryptonians lead is there weaknessA New Hero in DC? · C1
VictorWalker: Just one thing I have to say. DC is chaos !! There are so many beings that can end their universe that is ridiculous !! Looks like a lot of authors made their characters and left in DC.A New Hero in DC? · C1
Scientistx: Sodam has no riğht to judge the mc he has been a abusive older brother and never cared for his younger brother in a way it's on him that mc becomed this way
That Death serve's him just riğht self delusional failiure of a family!!!A New Hero in DC? · C1
Hanshi: Cedric was six year in the goblet of fire... They were from the same yearRise of House Cason · C6
RJB_1002: Just need to fix some of the grammar mistakesNero, the God of the Underworld · C2
Terrier: The content has been deletedSupreme Commander: Star Wars The first Jump · C8
JWR95: Keep it up keep Writing 👍
and don’t you dare drop itSupreme Commander: Star Wars The first Jump · C8
Flat_Moon: Yeah that's the one, what a beautiful movieMarvels Strongest Father · C59
Kilaske: I thought that he'll just erase Joker persona and keep Jack Napier alive? Thanks for the chapter!Brightest Doom · C4
OrangeSoda: Ahhhhh... ;-;
I wanted him to have The Infamous Iron Man suit ;-;Brightest Doom · C4
SnowofBlood: Evening, first thing to say, excellent chapter.
For the 3rd person speech I really like that it's 100% Doom. Sage force is also a very good idea, very few use it in fanfic but it as a lot of potential.
With this chapter we saw that even with the sage force ( telekinesis, telepathy ) he wasn't a match for kryptonian, he got kryptonite and I'm sure he will find a good use to it but don't forget magic, kryptonian are vulnerable to it and Doom is a master sorcerer. It will add versatility in his abilities, that could be really interesting but maybe it's too soon.
When he stood face to face with Supergirl and Superman, you really did a good job in showing how powerless and how terrifying he would be for a normal human, when she used her super strength to hold him ... It probably make him extremely furious, I would have been.
For now I hope he keep building his power, becoming better in using the sage force, maybe he will reach a stade when he can disintegrate people, " he who hesitate disintegrate " . And now that he got a motherbox he can make some very powerful thing in the future.
I dont know if he have a higher objective but he could have the project of creating mutant or metahuman in large quantity, for the evolution of mankind, or something big like that. I guess we'll see in the next chapters
Thank you for your work, it's a story worth it. Bye 😈Brightest Doom · C4
Benjymen: Its hilarious that releasing 4 chapters every two weeks is considered a mass release for this novel. Wake up, at this rate it will be years before we finish reading it.I have a Mansion in the Post-apocalyptic World · C856
DKstarcraft: In this version, he is still alive, never said the story would be the same.Supreme Commander: Star Wars The first Jump · C8
TalentlessAuthor: This is the most racist sh.it I ever seen.Marvel: My Rules
Saadido_: Keep in mind I only got to ch.20.
Really f'n boring. The beginning was promising 'like woo a system story, this will be a fun little op trot through the dc comics.'
Nah, the author is kinda not that smart. To give perspective, he thinks humans use less than 10% of their brains type of not smart.
The author time skips the whole training arc! Any character growth, story progression, attachment to the characters, everything absolutely crucial to story telling is thrown right down the toilet. And the worst part is there's zero scenes where the mc works for any of his advantages, so the character is instantly unlikable.
Then suddenly There's a ten chapter paint drying extravaganza of a skirmish in which the Mc doesn't even participate only characters introduced during the chapters.
It;s clear to everyone reading that this author thinks writing works like a movie where flashing lights and beautiful girls can carry the team like a diamond 3 boasting silvers, but nah m8. Flashing lights aren't impressive as dry letters on a page.
Don't get me started on the dialogue. That thing is written by a 1990's AI attempting human speech while running on a toaster. Bad.
This is actually kinda sad.
The good parts are the premise and the grammar is passable. That's about it.
How to fix this mess is easy. First you have to realize that the reader can't see the cool bits and bobbles happening in your head. The cool stuff your mc does should be written down the mistakes that have an effect on him should be written down. The same goes for all important characters.
Sex appeal is a crutch you can lean on pretty easily.
The first arc is meant to sell your reader the characters and premise you created. Keep it simple. Less is more in this case.
Characters should be as human as you can possibly make them. Even the epic heroes of the past still have fatal flaws and personality.
Keep reading good books.
Last but not least don't stop writing any skill is impossible to perfect the first hundreds of hours you spend on it, but that's the toll you pay to maybe become the next J.R.R. Martin or Tolkien. Maybe even Rowling but try not to go too insane like that one.
Hope this gave you some much needed criticism author.In the DC World with a System
Ikkarus: The story is good, but when I saw the author say he’s gonna nerfed the mc when he go to the avatar world turn me off. Also, he was a cold bloody killer in his past life, but now he hesitates to kill, or even afraid a lot of times, soo no imma dropped it now, good read thoughA New Path
wheelmann2003: Like the perspective but the MCs attitude is a little offputtingAcademia. · C3
Daoistunderlord: Star lord said it best "I prefer to make people the old fashioned way"Supreme Commander: Star Wars The first Jump · C8
Supreme Commander: Star Wars The first Jump · C8
equinx13: I hope he will get his eyes healed. :<Fire Emblem: The Lion's Blade · C3
Laxus_D: Let me get this straight, Did you choose lose an eye for the sake of aesthetics?Fire Emblem: The Lion's Blade · C3
Nevetos: Please don't help Harry, will lead this novel on a bad path.Rise of House Falken - Harry Potter Fan Fiction · C41
1Primo: I find it impossible to believe he is more knowledgeable at Wards than dumbledore to the point that he could "correct" a mistake that he made. This just doesn't seem plausible with the amount of time he's had to study the subject on top of his other studies. You are seriously creating a underpowered Dumbledore and conversely a underpowered Voldemort as he fears dumbledore.Rise of House Falken - Harry Potter Fan Fiction · C41
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