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Moments

Shifty_DaoistMage: His government is run by communists, so he should be blaming them. Must be the Chinese government affecting Webnovel again

The City of Terror · C8
18 hours ago

Jokedao: "curse those capitalists" ok sir then why don't you ask those stupid communists about your pay then.

The City of Terror · C8
18 hours ago

Beta_Tauri: I will be content if they continue this day by day release, tho

I have a Mansion in the Post-apocalyptic World · C868
1 day ago

Mike_Wolfez: It's hard to believe that european wizards failed running for 3 centuries

Rise of House Falken - Harry Potter Fan Fiction · C66
1 day ago

Keisar: Harem was and is common sense in some places

A New Hero in DC? · C2
1 day ago

Denzel_theking: Yh unlike kryptonians lead is there weakness

A New Hero in DC? · C1
1 day ago

VictorWalker: Just one thing I have to say. DC is chaos !! There are so many beings that can end their universe that is ridiculous !! Looks like a lot of authors made their characters and left in DC.

A New Hero in DC? · C1
1 day ago

Scientistx: Sodam has no riğht to judge the mc he has been a abusive older brother and never cared for his younger brother in a way it's on him that mc becomed this way

That Death serve's him just riğht self delusional failiure of a family!!!

A New Hero in DC? · C1
1 day ago

Hanshi: Cedric was six year in the goblet of fire... They were from the same year

Rise of House Cason · C6
2 days ago

RJB_1002: Just need to fix some of the grammar mistakes

Nero, the God of the Underworld · C2
2 days ago

Terrier: The content has been deleted

Supreme Commander: Star Wars The first Jump · C8
4 days ago

JWR95: Keep it up keep Writing 👍

and don’t you dare drop it

Supreme Commander: Star Wars The first Jump · C8
4 days ago

Flat_Moon: Yeah that's the one, what a beautiful movie

Marvels Strongest Father · C59
4 days ago

Magus7417: Meow says the cat

Marvels Strongest Father · C59
4 days ago

Kilaske: I thought that he'll just erase Joker persona and keep Jack Napier alive? Thanks for the chapter!

Brightest Doom · C4
1 week ago

OrangeSoda: Ahhhhh... ;-;
.
.
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I wanted him to have The Infamous Iron Man suit ;-;

Brightest Doom · C4
1 week ago

SnowofBlood: Evening, first thing to say, excellent chapter.
For the 3rd person speech I really like that it's 100% Doom. Sage force is also a very good idea, very few use it in fanfic but it as a lot of potential.
With this chapter we saw that even with the sage force ( telekinesis, telepathy ) he wasn't a match for kryptonian, he got kryptonite and I'm sure he will find a good use to it but don't forget magic, kryptonian are vulnerable to it and Doom is a master sorcerer. It will add versatility in his abilities, that could be really interesting but maybe it's too soon.
When he stood face to face with Supergirl and Superman, you really did a good job in showing how powerless and how terrifying he would be for a normal human, when she used her super strength to hold him ... It probably make him extremely furious, I would have been.
For now I hope he keep building his power, becoming better in using the sage force, maybe he will reach a stade when he can disintegrate people, " he who hesitate disintegrate " . And now that he got a motherbox he can make some very powerful thing in the future.
I dont know if he have a higher objective but he could have the project of creating mutant or metahuman in large quantity, for the evolution of mankind, or something big like that. I guess we'll see in the next chapters
Thank you for your work, it's a story worth it. Bye 😈

Brightest Doom · C4
1 week ago

Benjymen: Its hilarious that releasing 4 chapters every two weeks is considered a mass release for this novel. Wake up, at this rate it will be years before we finish reading it.

I have a Mansion in the Post-apocalyptic World · C856
1 week ago

DKstarcraft: In this version, he is still alive, never said the story would be the same.

Supreme Commander: Star Wars The first Jump · C8
1 week ago

TalentlessAuthor: This is the most racist sh.it I ever seen.

Marvel: My Rules
1 week ago

Saadido_: Keep in mind I only got to ch.20.

Really f'n boring. The beginning was promising 'like woo a system story, this will be a fun little op trot through the dc comics.'

Nah, the author is kinda not that smart. To give perspective, he thinks humans use less than 10% of their brains type of not smart.

The author time skips the whole training arc! Any character growth, story progression, attachment to the characters, everything absolutely crucial to story telling is thrown right down the toilet. And the worst part is there's zero scenes where the mc works for any of his advantages, so the character is instantly unlikable.

Then suddenly There's a ten chapter paint drying extravaganza of a skirmish in which the Mc doesn't even participate only characters introduced during the chapters.

It;s clear to everyone reading that this author thinks writing works like a movie where flashing lights and beautiful girls can carry the team like a diamond 3 boasting silvers, but nah m8. Flashing lights aren't impressive as dry letters on a page.

Don't get me started on the dialogue. That thing is written by a 1990's AI attempting human speech while running on a toaster. Bad.

This is actually kinda sad.

The good parts are the premise and the grammar is passable. That's about it.

How to fix this mess is easy. First you have to realize that the reader can't see the cool bits and bobbles happening in your head. The cool stuff your mc does should be written down the mistakes that have an effect on him should be written down. The same goes for all important characters.

Sex appeal is a crutch you can lean on pretty easily.

The first arc is meant to sell your reader the characters and premise you created. Keep it simple. Less is more in this case.

Characters should be as human as you can possibly make them. Even the epic heroes of the past still have fatal flaws and personality.

Keep reading good books.

Last but not least don't stop writing any skill is impossible to perfect the first hundreds of hours you spend on it, but that's the toll you pay to maybe become the next J.R.R. Martin or Tolkien. Maybe even Rowling but try not to go too insane like that one.


Hope this gave you some much needed criticism author.

In the DC World with a System
1 week ago

Ikkarus: The story is good, but when I saw the author say he’s gonna nerfed the mc when he go to the avatar world turn me off. Also, he was a cold bloody killer in his past life, but now he hesitates to kill, or even afraid a lot of times, soo no imma dropped it now, good read though

A New Path
1 week ago

wheelmann2003: Like the perspective but the MCs attitude is a little offputting

Academia. · C3
1 week ago

Daoistunderlord: Star lord said it best "I prefer to make people the old fashioned way"

Supreme Commander: Star Wars The first Jump · C8
1 week ago
Star lord said it best "I prefer to make people the old fashioned way" View More
Supreme Commander: Star Wars The first Jump · C8
1 week ago

equinx13: I hope he will get his eyes healed. :<

Fire Emblem: The Lion's Blade · C3
1 week ago

Laxus_D: Let me get this straight, Did you choose lose an eye for the sake of aesthetics?

Fire Emblem: The Lion's Blade · C3
1 week ago

Nevetos: Please don't help Harry, will lead this novel on a bad path.

Rise of House Falken - Harry Potter Fan Fiction · C41
1 week ago

1Primo: I find it impossible to believe he is more knowledgeable at Wards than dumbledore to the point that he could "correct" a mistake that he made. This just doesn't seem plausible with the amount of time he's had to study the subject on top of his other studies. You are seriously creating a underpowered Dumbledore and conversely a underpowered Voldemort as he fears dumbledore.

Rise of House Falken - Harry Potter Fan Fiction · C41
1 week ago

Ellimist: I also thought he wouldn't care. He didn't care about Harry Potter, so why would he care about these sheep? Anyone who has read canon knows that they're all ungrateful and don't deserve to be helped.

Rise of House Falken - Harry Potter Fan Fiction · C28
1 week ago
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