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WealthyRaccoon

WealthyRaccoon

male LV 14
2017-10-01 Joined Australia

Badges 8

Moments 38

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Commented
Ichibei seems way weaker in this fight then he should be, I know it's next to impossible to do high level magic/conceptual fights well but providing more detail on each attack would go a long way in making this sound less like a street level brawl. Day one soul reapers could dodge/ignore any standard explosion and most captains could almost tank a nuke, so simply saying the rune exploded and he was forced away isnt really conveying the level of threat you intend. I assume the ancient one uses some form of time manipulation to speed up all attacks along with said explosion, with it also being eldritch/magic in nature allowing it to send him flying, but if you don't say that explicitly it just reads like a minor bomb going off in his face which rather downplays the power levels involved. i like what you're going for but I think you'd be much better served taking some time to emphasize the abnormal nature of attacks, the speed at which they move and the potential effect on the environment (being in the mirror dimension doesn't mean attacks aren't destroying buildings, both yao and ichibei being capable of casually throwing them at each other even when taking the lowest estimate of their power levels ). Doing this, maybe even to the point of over-explanation, would be preferable. It'll slow fight scenes down but two pseudo conceptual beings fighting shouldn't read like generic brawls and its preferable to making him seem weak. Cheers!
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Commented
sounds like the advanced warfare trailer, nice start ^^
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