IronJim - Profile

This story has a great potential and a fantastic premise. Just that it feel as if the author has used too much AI assistance in his writing making it repetitive and overly verbose. Please author dont give up but please work on improving, maybe I will return in the future to your work.

First of all this is a great novel and I will continue to read it. That being said my following criticism should be seen as constructive and not judgemental or destructive. 1. Forgetable/Mobs characters receive to much words and in certain cases their traits and mannerisms becomes indistinguishable from the main character. The way the writer writes dialogue further exacerbates this, making it hard for readers to distinguish between characters - especially during dialogue. 2. The MC becomes aware of knowledge that he should not be aware of. This can be easily fixed by simply indicating that he is not aware of this and that this is the knowledge of the future MC bleeding into he’s own recounts of his past, because technically the MC is writing his own story about his past self. The author is fixing this in later chapters. Those two points are my bigest criticisms.