- 0 d Continuous Writing
- 66.8 h of Reading
- 2,005 Read books
Noctua
LV 5Badges 7
Moments 27
26d
Commented I think I am a couple chapters away from dropping this story from my library. He is a Uzumaki, yet 20 chapters and no fuinjutsu... I mean the fact that you made him a Uzumaki should signal this story would somehow heavily focus on the art... if there is none and by the levels of taijutsu being thrown around might aswell had made the MC a senju.
ch 20 Arranged Marriage
Naruto: Mixed Heritage(Rewrite)
Anime & Comics · Sidecharacter1
1mth
Replied to Noctua Sorry I said edit, I meant proofread...
ch 30 Ireland Wins
Legacy of Harry Potter
Book&Literature · Graviele
1mth
Commented Thanks for the chapter. Can you do something about the grammar? I don't know if you are to enthusiastic as you are getting along the chapters, but it seems to be getting worse. Try to paste it in chat gpt and ask for a edit, perhaps it would work.
ch 30 Ireland Wins
Legacy of Harry Potter
Book&Literature · Graviele
2mth
Commented 3 whole short chapters for this, I guess at this point the author is just farming. This story looked like it had potential, a pity.
ch 20 Chapter 20: “The Path Unchosen”
Harry Potter and the Silent Guardian
Book&Literature · TalesByJaz
2mth
Commented The last few chapters are worrying me, it feels like you are focusing to much on the romantic drama and losing the essence of both the series in the crossover. When I started reading this fiction I found the combo of the endearing darkness from addam's family with the magic from HP would make an interesting read, but you are failing to grab onto that.
ch 20 Communication is Key
A Wizard in Wednesday
TV · a_BMO
2mth
Commented I think you could have done something really cool without giving to much power to the mc, could have him struggle to do powerful spells, but make clever use of the environment to create traps and slowly injure the creature. Perhaps even include some animation.
Heck this could have become his wake up call moment in which he decided something ought to be done to improve his situation magic wise. What happens if his wand breaks in this new reality? How can he fight if his strongest go to spells do not pack the punch they should?
ch 19 Question? (not a chapter)
A Wizard in Wednesday
TV · a_BMO
7mth
Commented I will give it a try, but this worries me right at the head. I have no problem with the MC telling someone his secret, if it is for a good reason. The problem comes when the MC starts telling his secrets to half the other characters, the reason being, it's family, it's a mentor, it's a good friend or just a friend, etc... But, hey, it might be a nice story line he the MC is stupid enough to do it and gets backstabbed.
A major issue for some people is the MC was found out about being reincarnated and even explained their backstory to someone. Apparently that is taboo and for some people that completely destroys the story for them. So I just wanted to give a heads up before you read the story so you don't waste time on something you hate. Also more than the MC might be placed in this world/universe at some point. So just a heads up now, if it happens.
Marvel-ous Ninjutsu
Anime & Comics · Pewpewcachoo
1yr
Commented +1
This paragraph has been deleted.
Marvel x HP: Moses' Odd-venture
Movies · 4give_NoobWriter
1yr
Commented I kind of had assumed his "commands" were like that, the explanation was unnecessary. It breaks immersion and you should get rid of it.
If you want to clarify, it would be better to add an earlier chapter where he faces a small incident that teaches him about this facet of his powers.
Still this chapter needs a serious rewrite, you were so worried about what people would think about a potential nerf, that you allowed yourself to fail when it comes to grammar + the immersion thing...
ch 15 Ravenclaw
Marvel x HP: Moses' Odd-venture
Movies · 4give_NoobWriter
1yr
Commented Hmm this is the second time I see this, but I am pretty sure that in the film he mistranslates and instead of saying "angry" (furioso, zangado) he says "hungry" (fome).
"Stop. Please. Me … angry … very bad." Banner tries to reason with them but they didn't understand, nor did they care to.
I'm Spider-Man (MCU)
Movies · AlienWarlord
2yr
Commented I think there is something fundamentally wrong with this author. He isn't aware that some times stories take a life of their own, the author job is to set the world and characters and then carefully let them evolve in the path he stipulates. This author ignores his own world and character evolution, because he is simple to much of a coward to leave canon behind and constantly breaks the natural flow by digging himself into a ditch.
ch 188 Waking-Up, Recap, Reveal
HP: A Magical Journey [Complete]
Book&Literature · FictionOnlyReader
2yr
Commented So, will he end up inadvertently spending a hot night with Ivy after being forced to leave mid ball? Cause this needs some spicing up and things with Daphne being kind of... meh. (To ordinary for Quin West.)
ch 171 Yule Ball: The Start
HP: A Magical Journey [Complete]
Book&Literature · FictionOnlyReader
2yr
Commented India is fine, a bit rushed, but I kind of got the impression the MC is to obsessed with Hogwarts, thus his choice to go to the UK. The only thing I feel wrong about it, as I said before, is that you seem to assume that hindi culture is general knowledge for your readers, it is not. So when you write some hindi expression in the story it would be nice to have a description or link that can elucidate people about the subject. I believe, as it stands, changing the story towards a harry potter spin-off in India will only worsen it.
ch 13 What should I do?
Harry Potter but I am a side character?
Book&Literature · confused4you
2yr
Commented First: Thanks for the spacing, much more reader friendly. Second: canon mate, you can deviate from it, but you need to be careful about it. You yourself said it potion with slytherin, is a small mess, but can be accepted, then in your next few chapters you proceed to describe a lesson with gryffindors? That needs fixing... Third: References, not everyone knows Indian gods, creatures and martial arts by name, would be nice to leave a link in the end towards the wikipedia or a slight comment describing them from your point of view. Fourth: If in the same phrase you have 2x the word "and" then something is wrong, you are missing a comma or a dot.
ch 12 Ch. 12 Exploring the Castle.
Harry Potter but I am a side character?
Book&Literature · confused4you
2yr
Commented Nice story so far, but can I ask a favor? Can you separate the dialogues? It is messed up to have two or three different people talking in the same paragraph.
Your story would be so much more enjoyable to read with good punctuation. If you know someone that is good at english ask them to edit one of your chapters and them compare them side by side to get a sense of it. It is really your only fault, cause your vocabulary is excellent and your phrasing seems nice enough(as in you do not mess the order adjectives, nouns, verbs and such ...)
ch 11 Ch. 11 The bane of my existence and getting sorted.
Harry Potter but I am a side character?
Book&Literature · confused4you
2yr
Replied to mark_kiple You need me to elaborate? The tone and direction of the story went completely out of bounds. 1st he hides when his family is being threatened, then goes on a murder frenzy on innocent people and both dumbles and nick are fine with it? 2nd you said it yourself cringe romance 3rd non canon compliant, that daphne thing with parseltong and what are she and richard doing out of the feast? Only Harry can company should be as they were at the deathday party. 4th sudden jump into the blood curse theme? 5th grangers in danger? Its like you got a list of things you want in the story and you decided to bulldoze through it leaving holes left and right in both plot and common sense. I say that the previous chapters must have been written by another person, because they are much more well paced. The MC visit to beauxbatons could be written as a whole arc, in which he solidifies knowledge, escapes the canon and possibly plants some seeds for later when he decides canon should be thrown out the window.
This chapter has been deleted.
Ordeal of the Hopebringer: A Harry Potter Fanfiction
Book&Literature · mark_kiple
2yr
Commented This is going down hill from the black market chapter.
I seriously want to ask: Did a different person write the first 24 chapters? Cause if yes please do point me in the real story's direction. If not, are the last chapters an attempt at trolling the readers? If so it is of bad taste.
This chapter has been deleted.
Ordeal of the Hopebringer: A Harry Potter Fanfiction
Book&Literature · mark_kiple
Noctua