• Joined Oct 2017
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  • Just a Brazilian, who never wrote before, trying to create a good story.PS: Thank god for grammarly

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Original Works

  • Duality

    Duality

    Fantasy Transmigration Original Cultivation Action Reincarnation Male Protagonist Late Romance Academy Revenge Sword Wielder Black protagonist

    4.6

    John was a secret agent before he died while avenging his little brother. But death was not the end for John, as he had the chance to reincarnate in another world. Now watch him grow from a slave's son to a hero and a legend. PS: I write as a hobby, with my job and college coming first, so the release rate may be slow and random. Author tags: Sword Wielder, Reincarnation, Original, Late Romance, Male Protagonist, Transmigration, Academy, Action, Cultivation, Revenge

  • Cinderella Story

    Cinderella Story

    Romance

    A poor orphan woman. The son of a rich CEO. Watch as they meet and fall in love. Short 3-4 chapters story [Writing Prompts Contest # 2 - Modern Day Cinderella] Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash.com

Moments

JohnnyKbca: I found the story enjoyable. Despite some grammatical errors, I was able to read it in a single sit through. One thing I noticed is that you sometimes mix present and past tenses.

Now, there were a few gripes I had. 1st, I just wish that the romance didn't go so fast and had more time to develop the character's feelings. First time meeting Lyn, Kazuya says a few words and immediately kisses her.

The slap was the appropriate response. Then later that same day, she goes looking for Kazuya and kisses him. I was like "What?"

Similar thing to Rhys, who also kisses her out of the blue, but this time she just goes with it.

She feels naive. I kinda feel like if they both came to her saying that they want to teach her some practical things about sex, she would just agree.

Princess Lyn: Fleeting Dreams
3 days ago

VateRise: Let me start by saying, that I read it from 17th chapter, just like author asked. Truthfully, not a bad story, but there is some plot armour involved. I personally would prefer a more ******** version, but that is personally.

Quality is there, all chapters I read I understood. I didn't have to wonder about meaning whatsoever. A few mistakes, but again 5 🌟 for quality.

Release rate though. I understand that people are busy. But this site asks me to rate that, so I do. Character design is not bad, but then again, too many coincidences and many "good" characters appearing.

World building is 5 🌟 I have nothing bad to say here. And then there is the story. If developed well, I'd say it will be a good novel to read. Keep up the good work, and work hard. You can make it to 1m views no problem.

Duality
5 days ago
Reading Status: C20
When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score. Except for newbie writers, who receive two stars.

Writing Quality 4: Writing has very little grammar mistakes, such as swapping "you're" for "your", but again, these are very rare.

Beyond that, there are some awkward sentences. Not that they're wrong, just that it doesn't feel like what a person would say, such as, "What is your level of skill in the kitchen?" or "Stop it! You are confusing enough! My heart can't take any more cuteness!"

And finally, I would recommend breaking down some of the paragraphs, so that they don't become blocks of text. Especially when there are two speakers in the same paragraph.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 4: Story flows well enough, and it manages to hold the reader's attention, despite some of the events sounding a bit far fetched, such as how MC tricks the brothel owner at the beginning.

Character Design 5: Characters are quite distinct from one another and interesting.

World Background 3: This category could be improved, in hopes to paint a better picture of the environment in the reader's mind.

Better doesn't mean a nicer picture, but one that the reader can more clearly understand.

Review score (4+5+4+5+3)/5 = 4.2
Score given = (5+5+5+5+4)/5 = 4.8 View More
My Way To You
1 month ago

Scarlettbunny: Love, love, love it! I'm a few chapters short of reading it up to date but I'm keeping this in my library! It was so good before with so much potential and then it bloomed into something magnificent!

Characters are loveable, villains are detestable, so of course your cheer when they get their just rewards, magic, fighting, personal growth and you already know they have a child later on but what happened to Johnathan? So best part mystery!!!!

So refreshing from all the other novels currently on the site. Giving the reader a more slice of life take but it's exciting and magical.

Great job, keep up the good work.

Duality
1 month ago
Don't mind me, just checking censoring of words

Freedom
Pooh bear
Sex
Fuck
Communist
Capitalist
China
America
United States
Dictatorship View More
Last Wish System · C230
1 month ago

Quidanstealsnovels: The content has been deleted

Dual Cultivation
1 month ago

MneMonic: The content has been deleted

Dual Cultivation
1 month ago

Hasy547: The content has been deleted

Dual Cultivation
1 month ago

Irelia: Stability of update:5* cant comment much on this point

Unlike most reincarnarion novel, which tends to happen on the 1st chapter, this novel at least takes some time to explain the circumstances that led to the current situation of the MC.

The mc is also one who kills,unlike many others so thumbs up on that. There were a few grammer mistakes here and there but nothing serious. The flow of the story and the pacing were relatively easy to picture and flow.

The world background from the fantasy part onwards has to be explained alittle more in detail but at least it is not in info chuncks so another thumbs up on that.

Duality
1 month ago

muliana67: writing:good
Update:not too good
STORY:VERY GOOD
character:very good. one gets to feel with the characters and the world background is very good. please keep writing and feed us subjects

Duality
1 month ago

JohnnyKbca: As I understand you're a beginner writer, I'll add 2 more stars to each review score, while the review part will show my actual evaluation.

Writing Quality 1: Definitely the novel’s weakest point. Every time you miss a comma, space or full point, it takes the reader’s mind out of the story. Then it goes even further, as I had to read some sentences multiple times until I finally understood them.

Mistakes are bound to happen, especially when it comes to non-native English speakers such as ourselves, but some of them are quite basic and easy to correct.

I suggest using Grammarly. Although it can also make mistakes, most of the time it is right in its corrections.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 1: My main gripe with the story is how there’s little to no atmosphere, especially *******. Things simply happen one after the other.

Here’s an example from the first chapter:

[She kept smiling when suddenly there was an alarm.

"What's going on? Is this thing gonna crash?"Theresa thought in fear.

Her fears came true when the hostess told them to prepare as the plane was gonna crash.

Some began to say a quick prayer, others were crying, some were confessing their various sins. Some, however, had fainted.]

You could sum it up to, “she was smiling when the alarm suddenly rang, indicating that the plane was going to crash, causing the passengers to panic,” and it still would have as much of an impact.

You need to build up the scene. The plane was going to crash? The greatest indicator wouldn’t be the alarm, but the loss of altitude. Describe that. Also, describe the chaos inside the plane as the people were in a panic. Oxygens masks falling down. Stuff like that.




Character Design 1: There’s some humor in the chapters I read. Though I personally didn’t like it, some other readers may enjoy it.

Now to the heavier critique.

I can sense the author’s attempt to give characters depth, it just didn’t have the desired effect.

For instance, the MC suffered a plane crash, and the first thing that came to her mind, as the plane fell, was regret that she wouldn’t be able to meet some idol.

I mean, sure, she really likes the idol, but in such a situation you would expect the person to be like, “OH MY GOD THE PLANE IS GONNA CRASH I DON’T WANT TO DIE AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!”

Another instance is how the “guy” — I think his name was Ren, but it was really hard to follow due to the grammar — was attacking the MC, then did a complete 180 and felt pity for her when he saw her crying.

It’s hard for the reader to believe that, even more when it happens without a single explanation or even a hint of a motive. You even went out of your way to explain how he never felt this before. Maybe it was an attempt at something like love at first sight, or how special the MC was, but I don’t think it worked.

World Background 2: The world had some details to its background, how the MC got summoned for example, but its execution falls short.


Review score (1+5+1+1+2)/5 = 2
Score given = (3+5+3+3+4)/5 = 3.6

Love In Two Worlds.
1 month ago
Reading Status: C21
As I understand you're a beginner writer, I'll add 2 more stars to each review score, while the review part will show my actual evaluation.

Writing Quality 1: Definitely the novel’s weakest point. Every time you miss a comma, space or full point, it takes the reader’s mind out of the story. Then it goes even further, as I had to read some sentences multiple times until I finally understood them.

Mistakes are bound to happen, especially when it comes to non-native English speakers such as ourselves, but some of them are quite basic and easy to correct.

I suggest using Grammarly. Although it can also make mistakes, most of the time it is right in its corrections.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 1: My main gripe with the story is how there’s little to no atmosphere, especially *******. Things simply happen one after the other.

Here’s an example from the first chapter:

[She kept smiling when suddenly there was an alarm.

"What's going on? Is this thing gonna crash?"Theresa thought in fear.

Her fears came true when the hostess told them to prepare as the plane was gonna crash.

Some began to say a quick prayer, others were crying, some were confessing their various sins. Some, however, had fainted.]

You could sum it up to, “she was smiling when the alarm suddenly rang, indicating that the plane was going to crash, causing the passengers to panic,” and it still would have as much of an impact.

You need to build up the scene. The plane was going to crash? The greatest indicator wouldn’t be the alarm, but the loss of altitude. Describe that. Also, describe the chaos inside the plane as the people were in a panic. Oxygens masks falling down. Stuff like that.




Character Design 1: There’s some humor in the chapters I read. Though I personally didn’t like it, some other readers may enjoy it.

Now to the heavier critique.

I can sense the author’s attempt to give characters depth, it just didn’t have the desired effect.

For instance, the MC suffered a plane crash, and the first thing that came to her mind, as the plane fell, was regret that she wouldn’t be able to meet some idol.

I mean, sure, she really likes the idol, but in such a situation you would expect the person to be like, “OH MY GOD THE PLANE IS GONNA CRASH I DON’T WANT TO DIE AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!”

Another instance is how the “guy” — I think his name was Ren, but it was really hard to follow due to the grammar — was attacking the MC, then did a complete 180 and felt pity for her when he saw her crying.

It’s hard for the reader to believe that, even more when it happens without a single explanation or even a hint of a motive. You even went out of your way to explain how he never felt this before. Maybe it was an attempt at something like love at first sight, or how special the MC was, but I don’t think it worked.

World Background 2: The world had some details to its background, how the MC got summoned for example, but its execution falls short.


Review score (1+5+1+1+2)/5 = 2
Score given = (3+5+3+3+4)/5 = 3.6 View More
Love In Two Worlds.
1 month ago

CrescentWolf: First things first - Wow! The storyline is amazing in this and at first it was a bit complex but once I got my head round what was going I couldn't stop reading. Please keep writing because this is really good.

Duality
1 month ago

JohnnyKbca: Thanks for taking the time to read my novel. I'm Thiago, author of SC.

This is my entry to the Qidian prompt contest, and I plan to submit 2-3 more chapters before July 22.

Duality
1 month ago

JohnnyKbca: As I understand you're a beginner writer, I'll add 2 more stars to each review score, while the review part will show my actual evaluation.

Writing Quality 1: Definitely the novel’s biggest weak point. I hoped it would get better later as the writer gained more experience, but close to a hundred chapters in, and it remains practically the same. The only improvement I noticed was that you no longer alternated between Qin Feng and Feng Qin.

I would suggest using Grammarly and also breaking your sentences into smaller ones. Beyond that, all I can think of is for you to get an editor and/or improve your English.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 2: The story moves, though there are problems with fillers. Beyond that, there’s also the MC doing things that really don’t make sense.

MC meets Wukong, trains once and that’s it. I don’t think he’s ever shown training again, he simply becomes OP.

Group of gangster smashed his apartment, where his mother and sister live, and said they would come back the next morning. MC, who’s now capable of beating all of them by himself, simply lets them break into his home again, where his family is, before beating them.

His friend —and the one helping him in his revenge— is held hostage and MC does nothing against the kidnapper.

Also, the story is set on Earth, where the existence of cultivators (friars as they are called here) is unknown to the public.

That’s good and all, but then MC —who had never heard of Friars before— meets Wukong and in the next few hours he: meets some woman with an extremely rare cultivation body and witnesses a battle between two friars.

Then a few days later he stumbles into a trio of friars while he was getting revenge, and also witness another battle, this one so big that destroyed a building in the middle of the city.

It just seems impossible that their existences were really kept hidden for so long and still are.



Character Design 1: Characters barely have any depth to them, being mostly copies of one another.



Male characters are arrogant douchebags, who only know to abuse their power/wealth. Also they, and only they, feel the need for sex.

Female characters exist either to engage in sex with the arrogant douchebags or to almost being raped by them so that MC can come to their rescue.

Maybe one or other character isn’t such a copy, but they still lack any depth to them.

World Background 2: Again, the story is set on Earth with a secret cultivator society. We are shown a few glimpses into this cultivator world, but that’s it.

Review score (1+5+2+1+2)/5 = 2.2
Score given = (3+5+4+3+4)/5 = 3.8

Revenge With The Power of Monkey King
1 month ago
Reading Status: C5
When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score. Except for newbie writers, who receive two stars.

Writing Quality 5: Very few mistakes. Some missed commas or writing “your” instead of “you’re”, but it still is much better than the average original.

I would only suggest for you to break up the paragraphs into smaller sizes, to make it easier to read. Also, try not to repeat character names so often.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 4: There’s a problem, which I myself once made, with infodumps. Whenever possible, you should break them up and spread them through the story. If the information isn’t essential to understanding what is happening, then you most likely can leave it out for later.

Character Design 4: A bit early to tell, but for now the characters seem distinct enough, with little to no cliches.

World Background 4: For now, there seems to be a good amount of information about the world.

Review score (5+5+4+4+4)/5 = 4.4
Score given = (5+5+5+5+5)/5 = 5 View More
Discovering evil
1 month ago
Reading Status: C97
As I understand you're a beginner writer, I'll add 2 more stars to each review score, while the review part will show my actual evaluation.

Writing Quality 1: Definitely the novel’s biggest weak point. I hoped it would get better later as the writer gained more experience, but close to a hundred chapters in, and it remains practically the same. The only improvement I noticed was that you no longer alternated between Qin Feng and Feng Qin.

I would suggest using Grammarly and also breaking your sentences into smaller ones. Beyond that, all I can think of is for you to get an editor and/or improve your English.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 2: The story moves, though there are problems with fillers. Beyond that, there’s also the MC doing things that really don’t make sense.

MC meets Wukong, trains once and that’s it. I don’t think he’s ever shown training again, he simply becomes OP.

Group of gangster smashed his apartment, where his mother and sister live, and said they would come back the next morning. MC, who’s now capable of beating all of them by himself, simply lets them break into his home again, where his family is, before beating them.

His friend —and the one helping him in his revenge— is held hostage and MC does nothing against the kidnapper.

Also, the story is set on Earth, where the existence of cultivators (friars as they are called here) is unknown to the public.

That’s good and all, but then MC —who had never heard of Friars before— meets Wukong and in the next few hours he: meets some woman with an extremely rare cultivation body and witnesses a battle between two friars.

Then a few days later he stumbles into a trio of friars while he was getting revenge, and also witness another battle, this one so big that destroyed a building in the middle of the city.

It just seems impossible that their existences were really kept hidden for so long and still are.



Character Design 1: Characters barely have any depth to them, being mostly copies of one another.



Male characters are arrogant douchebags, who only know to abuse their power/wealth. Also they, and only they, feel the need for sex.

Female characters exist either to engage in sex with the arrogant douchebags or to almost being raped by them so that MC can come to their rescue.

Maybe one or other character isn’t such a copy, but they still lack any depth to them.

World Background 2: Again, the story is set on Earth with a secret cultivator society. We are shown a few glimpses into this cultivator world, but that’s it.

Review score (1+5+2+1+2)/5 = 2.2
Score given = (3+5+4+3+4)/5 = 3.8 View More
Revenge With The Power of Monkey King
1 month ago
Auctions tend to have bid increments to prevent something like that. Else, each bidder could increase the bid by a single dollar and the auction will never end. View More
Revenge With The Power of Monkey King · C94
1 month ago

KhanQi: Although this book has only just started, I am very optimistic. The title is concise, but the content is not simple. The plot of the story is full of ups and downs, which fascinates people. I hope the author can persist in updating and bring good stories to more people.

Duality
2 months ago

ILLYAchan: This story is good and will make the readers wait for more. It's well written and has a nice plot and characters although the story is still not finish so I'll look forward to the next chapters.

Keep updating author!

Duality
2 months ago
Reading Status: C16
When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score, save for newbie writers to whom I give two.

Writing Quality 5: I only noticed some small errors such as forgetting apostrophes or not capitalized "I", but nothing too serious.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5. And yes, I mostly copypasted this category from my previous reviews and will do the same with future ones.

Story Development 3: The story flows well and there are some exciting moments but it never really managed to engage me. If I had to guess why, I would say it was the clichés, which made me feel I've read this story before.
Lots of them crumped together, especially at the beginning. You have the loli imouto who is in love with her --NOT blood related-- brother. The harsh, loli teacher who --is not clear yet, but probably-- is actually an *****. The magical battle high school to train students against demon beasts. Underestimated MC and random mobs whose only function is to belittle and later to awe at MC's actions.
To be clear, I don't think cliches are necessarily bad, as they give a sense of familiarity to the reader, which allows them to focus on other parts of the story. Unfortunately, these other parts also didn't make me engaged.

Character Design 2: I didn't particularly like or dislike the story aspect. This one though...

The characters are mostly generic, showing little to no personality. The MC is bland, though not as much as Ayato, the non-threatening male "friend". His other “friend” is Akane, the Osananajimi who recognizes the MC while he initially doesn't remember her.

As for the quotation marks, it’s because even calling them friends seem to be a bit of a stretch. That’s because most of their interactions are just there to advance the plot.

The other characters aren’t any better, with only Miyuki being mildly interesting.

World Background 4: The world is well detailed, but the way said details are told could be improved. The world building is done mostly through infodumps, which can make the reader skip through it or lose interest.

A tip would be to cut out as much as you can and spread the rest through the story. Another would be to add the character’s thoughts or opinions in between. Not only it will break the feeling of reading a wall of text, as it will also provide good opportunities to show more of the character’s personality.

Review score (5+5+3+2+4)/5 = 3.8
Score given = (5+5+4+3+5)/5 = 4.4 View More
C: Summoner & Magic
2 months ago
The content has been deleted
C: Summoner & Magic
2 months ago
So, the president simply ignored that Takashi got stepped on and kicked while already down? Isn't she the same one who a few hours prior gave two Magikas a warning letter for hurting other students? View More
C: Summoner & Magic · C7
2 months ago

ILLYAchan: Thank you for your reviews! The reviews above showed me a lot of understanding how would I improve this novel even more. >.<

Mystical Encounters
2 months ago
Reading Status: C6
As I understand you're a beginner writer, I'll add 2 more stars to each review score, while the review part will show my actual evaluation.

Writing Quality: 1: I think this is the aspect where you have the most to improve. First, I would suggest the use of some tool for text correction. In my case, I use Grammarly. It is by no means perfect, but more often than not it makes the right corrections, and it's really easy to use.

Also, one suggestion I have is for you to try not repeating the same name so often. Here is an example from Chapter 5: "She went to the backyard and found Fluff in a corner sleeping comfortably. Looks like Elis had took good care of Fluff. She'll build a small shelter for Fluff later." This works to break some of the immersion. You could, for example, rewrite the sentence above so it reads: "She went to the backyard and found Fluff comfortably sleeping in a corner. Looks like Elis took good care of it. She'll build a small shelter for small creature later.

And lastly, would be for you to take care not to mix past and present tenses.

Stability of Updates 5: You seem to have a steady rate of releases, but even if you didn't, I would still give it a 5. Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate.
Story Development 2: You seem to keep a similar pace for many of the story events, which is not good. In fight scenes for example, you should build the ******* a bit more. In just the first half of chapter 6, Elis: Incinerates a plant trap. Saves a group of people from a monster. Obtains a fire orb. And defeats someone from a rich family. I felt very little reading it.

Character Design 3: I do think the characters have some personality. But, at least for now, it hasn't been very well explored, and I don't feel very much attached to them.

World Background 3: Similar to the character design, you went over some details of the city and some countries, but nothing too deep or that made an impression, at least for now.

Review score (1+5+2+3+3)/5 = 2.8
Score given = (3+5+4+5+5)/5 = 4.4

Sorry if I sounded harsh at any time. I do think that after some improvements, your story can be quite enjoyable. View More
Mystical Encounters
3 months ago
I couldn't remember from the top of my head, so I did a quick look at the first chapters.

1st chapter, 1st paragraph. "For her to find it immediately, it has to carry on shining brighter, brighter than anything this world has ever seen before." I don't actually think this one is wrong, but that it would sound better in the past tense.

3rd chapter, 1st paragraph. "So when he spotted black hair from the corner of his eye, as he approached the tree, he's surprised."

3rd chapter, 17th paragraph. "It's like somebody is telling him it's okay to attack. Before he met her, Kazuya agreed to the plan. He didn't think much of it. But after spending this short time with her, Kazuya is hesitant. However, he has no way to refuse, Kazuya takes the cards from the girl's hands,"

7th chapter, 2nd paragraph. "She doesn't listen at first,"

Again, this was just a quick look through the first chapters, so there might be more. View More

XOMatsumaeohana: 😲 I thought I got rid of that bad habit with the tenses... Seems like that's not the case. Could you point out which chapters you noticed this?

Princess Lyn: Fleeting Dreams
3 months ago
Reading Status: C2
I found the story enjoyable. Despite some grammatical errors, I was able to read it in a single sit through. One thing I noticed is that you sometimes mix present and past tenses.

Now, there were a few gripes I had. 1st, I just wish that the romance didn't go so fast and had more time to develop the character's feelings. First time meeting Lyn, Kazuya says a few words and immediately kisses her.

The slap was the appropriate response. Then later that same day, she goes looking for Kazuya and kisses him. I was like "What?"

Similar thing to Rhys, who also kisses her out of the blue, but this time she just goes with it.

She feels naive. I kinda feel like if they both came to her saying that they want to teach her some practical things about sex, she would just agree. View More
Princess Lyn: Fleeting Dreams
3 months ago
A sword is kinda big and noticeable, shouldn't Kazuya have seem it before, like when they were hugging? View More
Princess Lyn: Fleeting Dreams · C13
3 months ago
Thanks for the review. View More

PeachyPearl: *Valid till chapter 18*
I liked how you explained your terms that you would be using later in the novel because I am a newbie when it comes to cultivation novels, so I could understand what was happening thanks to your earlier explanation.

The writing quality, is understandable and grammar wasn't too bad either. The trasitions between one incident to another was also quite good. I can't say that there weren't mistakes but as long as it doesn't hinder reading then it's not a big deal.

Though there were a few events which are cliché (I won't give spoilers by pointing them here, so read it yourself people:) ) but using them in a good way is also necessary that you did. Nice work author.

Fantastic story so far.

Duality
3 months ago

PeachyPearl: *Valid till chapter 18*
I liked how you explained your terms that you would be using later in the novel because I am a newbie when it comes to cultivation novels, so I could understand what was happening thanks to your earlier explanation.

The writing quality, is understandable and grammar wasn't too bad either. The trasitions between one incident to another was also quite good. I can't say that there weren't mistakes but as long as it doesn't hinder reading then it's not a big deal.

Though there were a few events which are cliché (I won't give spoilers by pointing them here, so read it yourself people:) ) but using them in a good way is also necessary that you did. Nice work author.

Fantastic story so far.

Duality
3 months ago
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