• Joined Oct 2017
  • Brazil
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  • Just a Brazilian, who never wrote before, trying to create a good story.PS: Thank god for grammarly

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    Published more than 50000 words on Webnovel

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Original Works

  • Duality

    Duality

    Fantasy Reincarnation Male Protagonist Romance R-18 Hidden Gem Fantasy Anti-Hero Sword and Magic Battle Academy Slavery

    4.5

    John was a secret agent before he died while avenging his little brother. But death was not the end for John, as he had the chance to reincarnate in another world. Now watch him grow from a slave's son to a hero and a legend. PS: I write as a hobby, with my job and college coming first, so the release rate may be slow and random. Author tags: Sword Wielder, Reincarnation, Original, Late Romance, Male Protagonist, Transmigration, Academy, Action, Cultivation, Revenge

  • Cinderella Story

    Cinderella Story

    Romance

    A poor orphan woman. The son of a rich CEO. Watch as they meet and fall in love. Short 3-4 chapters story [Writing Prompts Contest # 2 - Modern Day Cinderella] Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash.com

Moments

Thanks for the review. View More

CCmei: I'm pleasantly surprised. I did not expect it to be this good.

The story starts off blocky, from what I assumed was a militaristic style. It was still enough of an interesting hook, if unnatural, about our MC and his revenge to his path to reincarnation. But by chapter 17 it starts flowing like water.

It flows to over a dozen chapters on the mother in flashback that build and fills in so much about this world/society in such a vivid way that I was actually reluctant to see it end.

One of the unique and interesting parts is how the MC's background, race, and skin color plays such a heavy role. WN being a Wuxia site and just with mainstream media in general, having a black MC with his and his mother's perspective makes the story riveting. It does not hold back on the painful racism and obvious colonialism callout. Kudos.

Worldbuilding is A+, the background details and cultivation system in a fantasy Western world based very much on our own world history is incredibly well thought up. The author must have spent many hours, months honestly, ruminating and building upon their ideas. More importantly you can see their skills visably improving.

I want from 'oh ok' - 'meh' - 'hmmm' - 'oh now we're getting somewhere' and finally to the juicy story unfolding around the MC that took place before he was born, setting up a great stage for him to step up.

Take your time author, because work as good as this is worth it.

Duality
1 month ago

CCmei: Yes the quality has definitely improved greatly over time! Nothing wrong with wuxia but something's do get lost in translation and what was meant doesn't always sound good in English. I'll still read them but for Duality, the Western influence is more complimenting.

Duality · C36
1 month ago

DeJeL: OMG, I honestly forgot that was a flashback, to know that you're back to the extra story I remember what I was actually reading, LMAO :-)

Duality · C35
1 month ago

CCmei: I see why you said start on chapter 17, it flows a lot more naturally compared to the earlier chopped style. Love the use of ideas stemming from the horrors of colonialism.

Duality · C17
1 month ago

Mischievously: Is that man a masochist?

I am a Second Female Lead · C41
1 month ago

MAMAPOPOTE: Is it normal that every hero or enemy looks pretty aggressive. Moreover, it is not done on purpose that it looks like its aggressors so that in the end it chooses between the 2 people who tortured it.

Thanks you for the chapter.

I am a Second Female Lead · C41
1 month ago
Yeah, even his first name remained the same. Talk about coincidence. View More

CCmei: Oh good he stays the same race, for a moment I was worried it would change after rebirth

Duality · C5
1 month ago

CCmei: Oh good he stays the same race, for a moment I was worried it would change after rebirth

Duality · C5
1 month ago

CCmei: I'm pleasantly surprised. I did not expect it to be this good.

The story starts off blocky, from what I assumed was a militaristic style. It was still enough of an interesting hook, if unnatural, about our MC and his revenge to his path to reincarnation. But by chapter 17 it starts flowing like water.

It flows to over a dozen chapters on the mother in flashback that build and fills in so much about this world/society in such a vivid way that I was actually reluctant to see it end.

One of the unique and interesting parts is how the MC's background, race, and skin color plays such a heavy role. WN being a Wuxia site and just with mainstream media in general, having a black MC with his and his mother's perspective makes the story riveting. It does not hold back on the painful racism and obvious colonialism callout. Kudos.

Worldbuilding is A+, the background details and cultivation system in a fantasy Western world based very much on our own world history is incredibly well thought up. The author must have spent many hours, months honestly, ruminating and building upon their ideas. More importantly you can see their skills visably improving.

I want from 'oh ok' - 'meh' - 'hmmm' - 'oh now we're getting somewhere' and finally to the juicy story unfolding around the MC that took place before he was born, setting up a great stage for him to step up.

Take your time author, because work as good as this is worth it.

Duality
1 month ago
It's based on the PC version. It may have taken some inspirations from the tabletop, but I haven't played it, so I'm not sure. View More

JohnnyKbca: When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score.

First of all, I’d like to say that I haven’t played the tabletop RPG, but I did play and loved VTMB and I’m very excited for the sequel. So I came into the story very excited and I was not left disappointed. I mean, except for there not being more chapters for me to read.

Writing Quality 5: At first glance, I gave this category a solid five stars. The prose is excellent, and it flows so well that it feels like a professional novel. But then I started to notice some mistakes, such as mixing past and present tenses on the same sentence, words capitalized for no reason or even missing entirely. It wasn’t enough to make the story difficult to understand but it was enough to somewhat take me out of the story. Like a smudge on a beautiful painting.

But, once again, taking into account how well sone the prose is I decided to maintain the five stars.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 4: The story is well done, although it does feel rushed at some points, like in how quickly Leona decides to abandon her old life and getting turned into a vampire. After this, the story flows like at the start of the game with the judgment, the sire being executed and the childe (MC), being spared due to Nines’ intervention. Beyond that, I’d say it’s a bit hard to give a good judgment due to it still being in the initial parts.

Character Design 5: Characters are well thought out and with personality. LaCroix seems like less of an asshole in here than in the game. The Sheriff seems to have been removed and in his place, there’s the new Veronica character who is either related or even married to LaCroix.

World Background 4: I first considered giving three stars to this category, but considering that it’s a fan-fic, most readers should already be familiarized with it.

Review score (5+5+4+5+4)/5 = 4.6
Score given = (5+5+5+5+5)/5 = 5

Vampire: the Masquerade - Nirvana
1 month ago
Also be aware that I'm both still learning how to review and that I don't usually read romances. I will try my best to point out your novel's strong points and also how to improve the weak ones, but sometimes I'll just be unable to. View More

Gold_Paper_Crane: First of all, my apologies, Author, for using this space to put my comment. How I wish WN has a direct message function 😣 thank you ♥️

Hello Sir JohnnyKbca! When you have more time on your plate, could you also please give me some pointers for my book? Title is: I deserve a second chance. It is a romance, but I can guarantee it is not a cliche CEO/white lotus story.

Thank you 🙏

Calla Lily, The Eunuch King's Goblin bride
1 month ago
Hi, sorry for the delay. I saw your request, but was reading another story and ended up forgetting about it. I will start reading your novel tomorrow, but will take some time to read it to the end and post my review. View More

Gold_Paper_Crane: First of all, my apologies, Author, for using this space to put my comment. How I wish WN has a direct message function 😣 thank you ♥️

Hello Sir JohnnyKbca! When you have more time on your plate, could you also please give me some pointers for my book? Title is: I deserve a second chance. It is a romance, but I can guarantee it is not a cliche CEO/white lotus story.

Thank you 🙏

Calla Lily, The Eunuch King's Goblin bride
1 month ago

Gold_Paper_Crane: First of all, my apologies, Author, for using this space to put my comment. How I wish WN has a direct message function 😣 thank you ♥️

Hello Sir JohnnyKbca! When you have more time on your plate, could you also please give me some pointers for my book? Title is: I deserve a second chance. It is a romance, but I can guarantee it is not a cliche CEO/white lotus story.

Thank you 🙏

Calla Lily, The Eunuch King's Goblin bride
1 month ago
Thanks for the review.

The part about John being black was actually my fault, as he was always meant to be mixed race. I'm mixed race myself but I don't look white at all, and so this notion carried over to how I see the MC.

In the cover John does lean more on the white side than I imagined, but not really white.

As for the Dene's backstory being lengthy, that's an understatement. By the end of it I had written more about her than the MC himself. I originally planned for it to be 2 or 3 chapters long, but failed miserably. If I were to rewrite it today, then I would summarize it to one single chapter, but keep what I already wrote for another story focused solely on Dene and Jonathan.

And finally, the release rate will improve once I graduate from college (hopefully one day). Until then, thanks for sticking with the story and thanks once again for the review. View More

LordSputnik: In a nutshell, it is fairly enjoyable! I'm not a fan of plot armor but I also understand that it is needed sometimes. I can tell your writing did start to improve later, hope you continue to grow as an author! Maybe I missed the part where is said John was black, but the black protagonist tag seemed odd when the guy on the cover looks white. As for Dene, her backstory felt very lengthy and probably could've been shortened up a bit. Other than that, I like where this is going and wish the release rate was better.

Duality
1 month ago

LordSputnik: In a nutshell, it is fairly enjoyable! I'm not a fan of plot armor but I also understand that it is needed sometimes. I can tell your writing did start to improve later, hope you continue to grow as an author! Maybe I missed the part where is said John was black, but the black protagonist tag seemed odd when the guy on the cover looks white. As for Dene, her backstory felt very lengthy and probably could've been shortened up a bit. Other than that, I like where this is going and wish the release rate was better.

Duality
1 month ago
Thanks for the review.

My writing style... yeah... I do believe that is my weakest point right now. In my opinion, the main culprit is my vocabulary, or lack of. Everyday I learn a little bit more, and the more I do, the more I'm aware of how much more I still need to improve. Anyways, thanks for pointing that out.

As for the prologue, it actually wasn't intended to be a prologue. Back during the first writer's contest (I don't even know if webnovel still promote these), I submitted it as my entry. It was intended to be a short story about this guy who ends up reincarnating, with the focus being the events that lead to his death. The ending would be him getting reincarnated, with what happens after being to the reader's imagination.

In the end I decided to turn it into an — awkward — prologue to a larger story. I do have plans to rewrite it, but I'm still not sure about its length.

Regardless, once again, thanks for the review. View More

NovelReview: The author requested this review to be done from chapter 17 onward.
Writing Quality- 2- Note that 2 is actually better than 90 percent of all novels in this platform. The prose is a bit awkward with long sentences separated by commas. In writing we must focus on giving rich sentences. Short sentences are powerful (But it doesn't mean that we should make all sentences short. It will sound awkward). Also there are unnecessary words which could have been trimmed. Take the beginning of chapter 22 for example.
'It wasn't an easy sleep, however, as every little noise wake her up. And then every time she would double check the locks on the doors, losing precious minutes of sleep every time'
This could be cut to
'Every fleeting noise jarred her sleep. She would check the locks with every waking, precious minutes of sleep lost'

You don't have to tell the readers that her sleep wasn't easy. All of us experienced this kind of hellish sleep before.

There are typos and incorrect spellings but once again, your novel is better than most in this aspect. We make mistakes and without editors, we cannot perfect every word.

One more problem I saw is the occasional transition to omniscient point of view. I forgot where but this did happen a few times. It is not a big problem though some readers will notice it.

Stability of Updates- 5 - I rate every novel 5. Not many readers know this but a single chapter would take hours to write.

Story Development- 3- Chapter 17 to 35 focuses on Dene, the MC's mother. I rate this high as her story didn't feel like a backstory at all (Given, it is 18 chaps long). Her rise from a defeated wretched is a compelling tale. Do note that the standard I used is based on published novels. 5 stars would be story development rivaling Mistborn or something.
Character Design- 4- Dene is a great character. Her personalities are fleshed out and she feels real. The readers would understand her actions. The dialogues are also great. The author slips world building and personality traits into dialogues pretty well. 5 stars in this would be character design equal to Glokta in The Blade Itself.

World Background- 4- It is a normal fantasy world with kingdoms and such sprinkled with unique things. Cultures and the people were explained well. I can't really say more about this as I don't fully grasp what Webnovel means by 'World Background'

Additional thoughts.
Although my review only spans chaps 17-35, I think the author should cut the prologue. It is too long and feels like a different genre. Prologues are meant to present a flavor to the readers. It is like the first sniff of coke or something (for the lack of better analogy. Don't do drugs kids.).

Final thoughts.

This is a great novel. I can't say much about the MC but Dene's story is rich with her character. 95th percentile compared to the other novels here is my estimate.

Duality
1 month ago

Clowniac: Wow, thank you. I'm deeply grateful and flattered you have enjoyed it so much! I wish I had more to say, but lemme just tell you that you've made my night.

My Second Life is a Heroic Power Fantasy
1 month ago

NovelReview: The author requested this review to be done from chapter 17 onward.
Writing Quality- 2- Note that 2 is actually better than 90 percent of all novels in this platform. The prose is a bit awkward with long sentences separated by commas. In writing we must focus on giving rich sentences. Short sentences are powerful (But it doesn't mean that we should make all sentences short. It will sound awkward). Also there are unnecessary words which could have been trimmed. Take the beginning of chapter 22 for example.
'It wasn't an easy sleep, however, as every little noise wake her up. And then every time she would double check the locks on the doors, losing precious minutes of sleep every time'
This could be cut to
'Every fleeting noise jarred her sleep. She would check the locks with every waking, precious minutes of sleep lost'

You don't have to tell the readers that her sleep wasn't easy. All of us experienced this kind of hellish sleep before.

There are typos and incorrect spellings but once again, your novel is better than most in this aspect. We make mistakes and without editors, we cannot perfect every word.

One more problem I saw is the occasional transition to omniscient point of view. I forgot where but this did happen a few times. It is not a big problem though some readers will notice it.

Stability of Updates- 5 - I rate every novel 5. Not many readers know this but a single chapter would take hours to write.

Story Development- 3- Chapter 17 to 35 focuses on Dene, the MC's mother. I rate this high as her story didn't feel like a backstory at all (Given, it is 18 chaps long). Her rise from a defeated wretched is a compelling tale. Do note that the standard I used is based on published novels. 5 stars would be story development rivaling Mistborn or something.
Character Design- 4- Dene is a great character. Her personalities are fleshed out and she feels real. The readers would understand her actions. The dialogues are also great. The author slips world building and personality traits into dialogues pretty well. 5 stars in this would be character design equal to Glokta in The Blade Itself.

World Background- 4- It is a normal fantasy world with kingdoms and such sprinkled with unique things. Cultures and the people were explained well. I can't really say more about this as I don't fully grasp what Webnovel means by 'World Background'

Additional thoughts.
Although my review only spans chaps 17-35, I think the author should cut the prologue. It is too long and feels like a different genre. Prologues are meant to present a flavor to the readers. It is like the first sniff of coke or something (for the lack of better analogy. Don't do drugs kids.).

Final thoughts.

This is a great novel. I can't say much about the MC but Dene's story is rich with her character. 95th percentile compared to the other novels here is my estimate.

Duality
1 month ago
Reading Status: C11
When reviewing, I usually give each category one extra star to the score. That's unnecessary here. Hands down the best novel I've read in this platform.

Writing Quality 5: There are some grammar errors here and there, but these are minor mistakes in face of how well it's written. The prose flows so well that at times I felt I was reading a professional author's work. It could very well be with some quick editing.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 5: From the title, summary and first chapters, I thought this was a parody and a comedy. While the former is absolutely true, the latter is only so at times. It doesn't hide the ugliness of what a medieval fantasy setting would look like, and the MC will have to adapt into it to survive.

Throughout my reading, I would sometimes draw parallels with Sir Apropos of Nothing, despite them being quite different novels.

Anyways, great story.

Character Design 5: From chapter 1 there's already a great character by the name of Frumpkin Snozcumber. MC at first seems to be the classical idiot that would be the butt of the jokes, but I think it was done so to show his growth later on. And there's also the harem members who each are their own person.

World Background 5: Author does a great work of painting the scene's surroundings. Details about the rest of the world are sprinkled throughout the story.

Review score (5+5+5+5+5)/5 = 5
Score given (5+5+5+5+5)/5 = 5 View More
My Second Life is a Heroic Power Fantasy
1 month ago
I know what would be easier to write. Jack skinning that dog faced bastard alive. View More
My Second Life is a Heroic Power Fantasy · C72
1 month ago

Aysel_Inara: Firstly I appreciate and am really thankful for the pointers of major and minor flaws. As you predicted I do fit in the non-English category to commit such blunders. Nevertheless I'll try that link to correct by pauses. And yes about that rushed through scene I'll try to pull it in a decent way again. (Scratches head)
About using any tool I once tried grammarly but it was ......! This review is highly productive and will help me to improve my current condition. ❤ Again I'm thankful.

Calla Lily, The Eunuch King's Goblin bride
2 months ago

Aysel_Inara: Firstly I appreciate and am really thankful for the pointers of major and minor flaws. As you predicted I do fit in the non-English category to commit such blunders. Nevertheless I'll try that link to correct by pauses. And yes about that rushed through scene I'll try to pull it in a decent way again. (Scratches head)
About using any tool I once tried grammarly but it was ......! This review is highly productive and will help me to improve my current condition. ❤ Again I'm thankful.

Calla Lily, The Eunuch King's Goblin bride
2 months ago
Reading Status: C15
When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score. Except for newbie writers, who receive two stars, which seems to be your case.

Writing Quality 1: Where to begin on this one? First the milder stuff, things that I believe you can easily improve, but they also don't detract too much from the reading experience.

1 - Long paragraphs, AKA blocks of text: First I'll note that you've only done so occasionally. This is the most subjective one, as it depends both on the reader and the platform they're using to read. I read on the phone, and the last block on chapter 16 took up almost 2 full screens.

If you're writing on google docs, my advice is to try keeping paragraphs to 3 or 4 lines at most.

2 - {CHAPTER TITLES}: They are all in caps lock, which I've seen some times, and are inside braces, which is my first time seeing. My advice is to get rid of both and write them as you normally would: capitalize the first word and any proper nouns. E.G: Chapter titles

3 - [Sound effects]: You have a habit to write down sounds inside brackets, which distracts the reader a bit.

Chapter 15 E.G.: "...unsettling now.

[Sound of knock on the door]

Without even thinking..."

You could easily change it to:

"...unsettling now.

There was a knock on the door. Without even thinking..."

4 - Isolated punctuation: For some reason, any punctuation that isn't a period is written preceded by a space: "...morning ?" "You ! Kneel here !"

Just remove these spaces and you'll be fine: "...morning?" "You! Kneel here!"

5 - Underscores (_): For some reason, you've written some words separated by an underscore. My best guess is that you're trying to represent stutters or stammers. If so, the correct punctuation may vary, but it never is an underscore.

Here's a blog post explaining it in more detail http://***.novelpublicity.com/2012/03/ask-the-editor-when-do-you-use-an-em-dash-when-do-you-use-an-elli**is/

P.S.: I don't know if webnovel still blocks copy/paste. If so, just google "novelpublicity hyphen em dash", it should be the first result.

Yes, I know. At first glance, it all may seem like a lot, but they can actually all be corrected in a couple of hours. Furthermore, I always recommend using a correcting tool such as Grammarly, which will even take care of some of these problems for you.

That's why these are the easy things to correct. Now to the hard part:

Most of the time reading it, I've felt like the novel wasn't written in English but rather translated to it. That's quite common with new writers from non-English speaking countries, and I'm guessing you fit in this category.

No shame in that, I'm from Brazil myself.

Anyways, the problem is that it causes the writing to feel unnatural, and there isn't an easy solution for that. My advice would be to start consuming as much English media as possible to slowly get more familiar with the language. Books, articles, films, TV shows, video games, music, etc.

It'll take time, but that is the best way I know to solve it.


Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.


Story Development 4: This actually came as a pleasant surprise. Most writing problems could already be noticed in chapter 1, so I expected the other categories to also have lots of problems. Boy, was I wrong. Or rather, girl, was I wrong. Get it? A pun... I tried, okay?

Moving on, the story really pulled me in and kept me interested throughout the chapters. My only problem with it is how sometimes there's a lack of emotion where there should be. Unfortunately, I don't know how to explain it better.

Character Design 3: Some characters have personality, Charis for example, while others not so much. I can understand the MC's thought process, as well as the Queen and King, although sometimes I do feel like these last two are a bit 1 dimensional.

Others characters though, behave in ways that don't make sense. Case in point, Ezlynn, and the other serving girls. They are first shown trying to hold in their fear of Charis. Then she shows them some consideration and next thing you know, they no longer have any fear and want to serve her. And this all happened in six paragraphs.

Like, what? I can see what the author attempted here, but the way she did it felt rushed at best.

Also, as stated in my mini-essay above, some of the writing feels unnatural which is even more noticeable during the dialogues. Most times, characters talking feel weird, which ends up damaging their design.

World Background 5: Nothing to criticize here. From chapter 1 you've done a great job at painting a picture of the surroundings, while gradually also building up the world's details.



Review score (1+5+4+3+5)/5 = 3.6
Score given (3+5+5+5+5)/5 = 4.6 View More
Calla Lily, The Eunuch King's Goblin bride
2 months ago
Reading Status: C45
When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score.

Writing Quality 2: The novel has some grammar errors, that pop up with some frequency, but that's only one reason for this score.

The second reason for the low score is how unnatural the writing feels, as if it had been poorly translated from another language, which I would guess to be the case.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 2: A basic principle of writing is to show, not tell. Very rarely it occurs in this novel.

It's the difference between reading a story and someone telling you how the story goes. One is much more engaging than the other.

Character Design 3: Characters have some personality but they don't feel believable.

E.G.: Taehee, who keeps throwing herself at MC no matter how much she is pushed away.

World Background 4: The author did a good job of describing the world, and I could paint a had a good idea of everything that had happened.

Review score (2+5+2+3+4)/5 = 3.2
Score given = (3+5+3+4+5)/5 = 4 View More
Reborn: The Unexpected Twist
2 months ago
Sure, I'm a bit busy at the moment, but will try to review it by the end of the week. What's the name of your novel? View More

Aysel_Inara: Hi there Sir. I happened to accidentally bump onto your comment reviewing this novella. I really appreciate how you pointed out the details keenly observing everything. I'm sure this would be a lot helpful to the author for improving much and within no span. I shamelessly request you to review mine, if you're willing and would have some of your precious moments for me. And I really apologize to the author beforehand for this comment if it offended you.

Love is timeless
2 months ago

Aysel_Inara: Hi there Sir. I happened to accidentally bump onto your comment reviewing this novella. I really appreciate how you pointed out the details keenly observing everything. I'm sure this would be a lot helpful to the author for improving much and within no span. I shamelessly request you to review mine, if you're willing and would have some of your precious moments for me. And I really apologize to the author beforehand for this comment if it offended you.

Love is timeless
2 months ago

JohnnyKbca: When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score.

First of all, I’d like to say that I haven’t played the tabletop RPG, but I did play and loved VTMB and I’m very excited for the sequel. So I came into the story very excited and I was not left disappointed. I mean, except for there not being more chapters for me to read.

Writing Quality 5: At first glance, I gave this category a solid five stars. The prose is excellent, and it flows so well that it feels like a professional novel. But then I started to notice some mistakes, such as mixing past and present tenses on the same sentence, words capitalized for no reason or even missing entirely. It wasn’t enough to make the story difficult to understand but it was enough to somewhat take me out of the story. Like a smudge on a beautiful painting.

But, once again, taking into account how well sone the prose is I decided to maintain the five stars.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 4: The story is well done, although it does feel rushed at some points, like in how quickly Leona decides to abandon her old life and getting turned into a vampire. After this, the story flows like at the start of the game with the judgment, the sire being executed and the childe (MC), being spared due to Nines’ intervention. Beyond that, I’d say it’s a bit hard to give a good judgment due to it still being in the initial parts.

Character Design 5: Characters are well thought out and with personality. LaCroix seems like less of an asshole in here than in the game. The Sheriff seems to have been removed and in his place, there’s the new Veronica character who is either related or even married to LaCroix.

World Background 4: I first considered giving three stars to this category, but considering that it’s a fan-fic, most readers should already be familiarized with it.

Review score (5+5+4+5+4)/5 = 4.6
Score given = (5+5+5+5+5)/5 = 5

Vampire: the Masquerade - Nirvana
2 months ago
Thanks for the review. View More

ihateyounot: As of this review, there are 32 chapters posted.

First of all, I quite liked seeing how the author’s writing improved as the number of chapters increase. The earlier chapters do need to be polished, and there are minor mistakes here and there, but ultimately the quality is there. The author recommended that I should start reading from Chapter 17, but just like any other books I’ve read I would naturally start from the beginning, and I am actually glad I did. It was rather wholesome to see the growth in quality between the first few chapters and the later tens of chapters.

The story begins with a man executing vengeance on the man who sent his brother to death, and in his quest for revenge, he dies, meets some deity, then reincarnates into a world of swords and magic. This premise is so cliche that I feel like I can pick out any ol’ fantasy webnovel and it’ll probably have a similar storyline.

However, what sets this story apart is the fact that the protagonist was born to a particularly marginalised ethnicity (as in, neither asian or western like most other stories of similar concept) and it was very clear that he would not have an easy life. I think this is my first time ever reading a cultivation-style webnovel with a protagonist who is so different in terms of appearance compared to the society he was reincarnated in. Even a non-human protagonist would usually carry humanoid looks, and, well, light-coloured skin. To read about a dark-skinned protagonist was certainly a breath of fresh air and unique in a way.

Moving on to the protagonist, John. As of the writing of this review, there is not much known about the protagonist, as the current arc follows his parents’ backstory. However, being a veteran-soldier-cum-secret-agent, he appears cold, decisive, and ruthless when it comes to executing his duty and in dealing with enemies. My concern is that I hope this story won’t end up like other stories where the protagonist is a one-dimensional mindless serial killer who kills the people who oppose him for the sole reason that he does not like them. With his cheat of reincarnated knowledge, the protagonist would probably utilise them—as any other cheat!MC would—to do some (or a lot of) face-slapping here and there. I hope to god that there are some depth to his character, and that he would not become a character who only knows to speak with violence (or face-slap) at every turn. And I could say the same to the other characters as well. Hopefully they are not as stupid as that boar-bait-backstabber guy in the beginning.

Also, the fact that the protagonist does not immediately remember his past life after birth is a nice change. Though, to me it seemed a little off-putting that he managed to integrate his memories and get used to his new life so quickly. But hey, dude’s got ten years on him, and his mum wasn’t really the sweet, cuddly type—given his upbringing, he was probably a bit more mature than other kids of similar age to begin with.

It appears to me that racism is a big theme in this novel, seeing as it is modelled after the concept of white supremacy. Just like any show of racism in real life, it irks me how much contempt the people were showing to the protagonist (or his mother, in the backstory arc), and how much the author tries to paint the people with the ugliest image possible (IMO), but I suppose every story needs a villain. I (personally) don’t particularly enjoy plots where race is the major cause of strife, but it’s the author’s story, so who am I to judge? I’m neither white nor black, nor ignorant, nor am I a part of the story, so I don’t think I‘m in a position to pick sides or say anything about it either.

All in all, it was a good read with a lot of potential. Had the author do a bit of editing (and post at least a hundred or more chapters), I wouldn’t be surprised to see it on the higher ends of the rankings. Good work, author!

Duality
2 months ago

ihateyounot: As of this review, there are 32 chapters posted.

First of all, I quite liked seeing how the author’s writing improved as the number of chapters increase. The earlier chapters do need to be polished, and there are minor mistakes here and there, but ultimately the quality is there. The author recommended that I should start reading from Chapter 17, but just like any other books I’ve read I would naturally start from the beginning, and I am actually glad I did. It was rather wholesome to see the growth in quality between the first few chapters and the later tens of chapters.

The story begins with a man executing vengeance on the man who sent his brother to death, and in his quest for revenge, he dies, meets some deity, then reincarnates into a world of swords and magic. This premise is so cliche that I feel like I can pick out any ol’ fantasy webnovel and it’ll probably have a similar storyline.

However, what sets this story apart is the fact that the protagonist was born to a particularly marginalised ethnicity (as in, neither asian or western like most other stories of similar concept) and it was very clear that he would not have an easy life. I think this is my first time ever reading a cultivation-style webnovel with a protagonist who is so different in terms of appearance compared to the society he was reincarnated in. Even a non-human protagonist would usually carry humanoid looks, and, well, light-coloured skin. To read about a dark-skinned protagonist was certainly a breath of fresh air and unique in a way.

Moving on to the protagonist, John. As of the writing of this review, there is not much known about the protagonist, as the current arc follows his parents’ backstory. However, being a veteran-soldier-cum-secret-agent, he appears cold, decisive, and ruthless when it comes to executing his duty and in dealing with enemies. My concern is that I hope this story won’t end up like other stories where the protagonist is a one-dimensional mindless serial killer who kills the people who oppose him for the sole reason that he does not like them. With his cheat of reincarnated knowledge, the protagonist would probably utilise them—as any other cheat!MC would—to do some (or a lot of) face-slapping here and there. I hope to god that there are some depth to his character, and that he would not become a character who only knows to speak with violence (or face-slap) at every turn. And I could say the same to the other characters as well. Hopefully they are not as stupid as that boar-bait-backstabber guy in the beginning.

Also, the fact that the protagonist does not immediately remember his past life after birth is a nice change. Though, to me it seemed a little off-putting that he managed to integrate his memories and get used to his new life so quickly. But hey, dude’s got ten years on him, and his mum wasn’t really the sweet, cuddly type—given his upbringing, he was probably a bit more mature than other kids of similar age to begin with.

It appears to me that racism is a big theme in this novel, seeing as it is modelled after the concept of white supremacy. Just like any show of racism in real life, it irks me how much contempt the people were showing to the protagonist (or his mother, in the backstory arc), and how much the author tries to paint the people with the ugliest image possible (IMO), but I suppose every story needs a villain. I (personally) don’t particularly enjoy plots where race is the major cause of strife, but it’s the author’s story, so who am I to judge? I’m neither white nor black, nor ignorant, nor am I a part of the story, so I don’t think I‘m in a position to pick sides or say anything about it either.

All in all, it was a good read with a lot of potential. Had the author do a bit of editing (and post at least a hundred or more chapters), I wouldn’t be surprised to see it on the higher ends of the rankings. Good work, author!

Duality
2 months ago
No problem, and I'm glad I could help. View More

Roko192: Wow, thank you really much. I wanted a review like this one. It is direct and will help me for the future. My English is bad. My English was never the best, so my mistakes haven`t surprise me. I figured that the plot at the beginning seems stupid, but i haven`t known how i should write it to get better. Your example is amazing and shows that i need to improve my writing skills, especially in english. Before i start to continue my story, i will rewrite my story for a better experience.

He wanted a normal life, but ended up as a hero
2 months ago
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