Feasao - Profile

i read coomer high school , that was funny

is the author greek?

Oh , an author that is actually mature and has experience and not an illiterate brat , thats a nice change of pace

Part 2 of notes for author; Why the cussing? Just use other sentences , using f.u.c.k. with dots just disrupts the flow of the story . Also did you really make a supposedly pristine head of a family with other guests at a party shout f.u.c.k. no?This doesn't make sense

Another couple of critiques since I read this far; A question is a question . Stop using an exclamation mark instead . Also you use way too many exclamation marks where a simple full stop would suffice.And one last thing , the dialog needs work . Its just unnatural . Nobody talks like some sentences in here . I suggest to envision like you are speaking to someone rather making grammaticaly correct sentenses.

the imagination is there and if you are such a young author , its understandable. I will pull through and see if you grow as an author . The system is very good but the narration drags it down a bit .

Why has such an interesting system such a shit story . What a waste of a gem. This narration and story suits 10 year old edgy teens

I hope the narration improves . The characters speak in an unrealistic way and their motives are questionable . Oh and whats with the caps?Noone talks like that

**** that is awesome . To rip space and go anywhere you like