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DKstarcraft: Uh, I hope his trooper gets mad how they are disrespecting his CO, or at least that Connor teaches them to respect him, the way they are acting is kinda enfurianting and if the MC doesnt show them, then everyone else in the kindgom will keep pushing their luck.WARZONE: Modern Warfare in a Fantasy World · C9
DKstarcraft: Uh... Boring fights, more copypasta information, a new cliché plot of "my home will end in X time", The MC is weak as hell despite his family spending numerous resources on him, another cliché of gods/entities saying an mc has the potential of plot armour to help them.(Remenber these guys can reincarnate people, change peoples bloodlines and other shenanigans)Holy Akashic Conqueror · C18
Daoist198784: In some universes, a harem is inappropriate, when do you understand the authors? Why are you all listening to little perverts and writing harem? Because of this, all novels roll. And those who want a harem read hentai and do not spoil good stories. Unsatisfied animalsHarry Potter and the Prince of Slytherin
Era of Chaos · C9
Rise of The Immortal Admiral · C2
DKstarcraft: Got the reference, but cant actualy remenber the mangas name. Hope he builds a colony soon or something, just hunting/eating like in the manga referenced gets bored as its very repetetive with most stories, the only acceptable grind is when youre playing a game, not watching one. I like how he didnt gain instant knowledge of his race so he can slowly learn like its a tutorial.Insect King · C6
DKstarcraft: Suggestion, is it possible for the bug swarm to work like tyranids? Also try not to make too many "smart" bugs with unique personalities. like in tyranids and zerg, most has the IQ of an ant, it only follows the orders to dig, defend, collect and attack. If you do special smart commanders/assistants, make them hard to make and only appear between several chapters, its hard to keep track and annoying when authors intruduce to 10 random characters in the same chapter. Also slowly make all types of bugs, the more the better, but dont follow the evolution chamber of sc2 way where theres only 1 type of each bug/unit. Follow the tyranid way, where for example, you got gaunts, but they can either use scyths or guns, or even gain wings, but the cost/comsuption varies. I spoke of tyranids and zerg, but also you can check the arachnids of starship troopers and alien from alien franchise for more evolution ideas.Insect King · C6
DKstarcraft: Another suggestion. The older the bugs get, the more armour they have. (Because normaly when bugs are born they are very fragile and after some time their carapace hardens) You can also include special upgrades with aging.
An example, from arachnids of starship troopers, you would have the newborn warrior, who would then take decades to reach *****hood, who then turns into a tiger bug, more armored and stronger scythes.
This would work well with ranged bugs, like the start could be a riflemen bug, to anti tank bug. Also artilery could be like, the young one is the roach of sc2 and the old one the plasma bug of arachnids.
I suggested all this, but this could be only 1 way of "building units" aka the normal way wich requires normal biomass/resources, while the MC could also have the option of rushing the best troops to be born but pay more for it.Insect King · C6
Insect King · C6
Insect King · C6
Insect King · C6
DKstarcraft: I thought he was a previous spec ops, how the hell would he accept a mission without asking about supplies/transportation or more intel?Mercenary System · C7
DKstarcraft: I feel like in every chapter alex gets bored...True Vampire in Teen Wolf · C12
DKstarcraft: Uh, he doesnt even feel like a character, he knows what will happen but ignores everything... The only changes are so minimal it wont make a difference, where are the changes you said you would do in this story?True Vampire in Teen Wolf · C6
DKstarcraft: So hes a slave now, bet that system will give him dumb quests where he will be forced to do its biding.... The noob mc could have just asked for high fertility so he could grow his family while having an harem and solving his family issues of being low in number....Holy Akashic Conqueror · C14
Weirdo: But will not fall that much right? Harry 20 galleon phone, in the other hand, is way too ridiculous.... A hundred galleon is not a burden, just a bit expensive but still manageable... Just like what he said, he is not a finance expert and never sell stuff, that's why he didn't care much, about base cost... Just like how tech is expensive in juggle world, charm is the same...New Dawn- A Harry Potter Transmigration Fanfic · C96
Crimson_Night: He’s selling the phone for 20 galleons expecting even the weasleys to buy it but they couldn’t even scrounge up 7 for a wand for RonNew Dawn- A Harry Potter Transmigration Fanfic · C96
New Dawn- A Harry Potter Transmigration Fanfic · C96
Forever Evil · C19
KoFu_: Writing Quality:
A lot of mistakes but the author has been improving. So that's good, It would be a good idea to edit the first chapter though.
From a lot weekly to 1 weekly. Authors say he spends 5 hours per chapter and can't do anymore. Let's believe him for now.
Great idea, meh execution.
Focus HEAVILY on interactions between characters on the family, basically isolated from the world or government. No suspension from the government why a billionaire would construct a prepper house? Plus the information the military have? They can't connect the dots?
A lot of things that in real life you would be questioned and even detained.
I don't like the idea that he doesn't explore other ideas in his mind until he resolves which idea would stick around and his reason. He just have to accept that and continue.
Character: Awful, just awful.
Like MANY MANY authors that writes stories of people coming back from the future they forget about the personality changes that would have. Their different approaches in life, their way to deal things, if you are in a world where you have to hunt constantly for food I don't think you would be very adept to diplomatic solutions the first day you come back to the past.
Second point: Loli and sister complex. The author tries too hard to make their interactions between the siblings cute. Is cringe as f.uck. I would skip them since most authors tend to rant about sis-con a lot (that took almost 5 chapters of skips mind you).
The author doesn't place himself in the MC place so the interactions are awkward and cringe mostly. And all the member of the family trust 100% in him, even if the changed 180 degrees from day to night (Not even gonna ask him to see a doctor or send him to a clinic for checks).
The author really tries to give a background about the story but really can't deliver in an interesting way to tell it. So he just info dump it. I put 4 stars because of the efforts he makes. But the author needs to learn to deliver the background information when is needed, not when is possible.
I put myself in the MC place. I would approach it in a different way, but each person is different. I will tell you some ideas and you can take it into an account or discard it (but telling it in the story why) to make the readers think that the MC isn't going to that place because that is the perfect plan and we just have to accept it.
1- Self Sustained environment. Yes, you put facilities and all that, but a "fortress house" has to ensure food and other stuff for all the population there. Clean water? Where the wastes go? Farming? Specialist about this?
2- He knows his principal enemies will be the military and mutated beast. But I don't see anything in his plan planning to counter that, only hide. I would hire scientists to teach me how to analyze animal behavior, ho to detect their weak points, alimentations, territory marks, footprints. How to dissect animals, how to make armor/weapons of their hide and limbs,etc. SO MANY BETTER WAYS TO SPEND TIME.
3. Be A-ok with the government/military on the surface, but also monitoring them. Send some of the few personals he has to monitor them or pay an underground organization to have sent them information. Information is power.
TL,DR: 15 yo MC who didn't grow in the 10y in the other world, Billionaire MC so difficult set to Very Easy, Sister Complex MC, Info Dumps of Backgrounds.
2.5 Stars. My principal problem is the MC mentality. Not even the story or the nonsense blind faith they have on him. My problem is his decisions that seem based on choosing the most expensive thing on each catalog and thinks he is good to go.Monster Tamer In The Apocalypse
randomsomething: Don't look down on imps and goblins. They have high birth rates and tend to have the greatest potentials after slimes. They are weak, not stupid. Not to mention, that they can win with numbers. Claw demons too, they were able to remain at the bottom and not go extinct.Holy Akashic Conqueror · C20
DKstarcraft: Let's play a game, lets drink a shot everytime the author wrote virgin arsewhole.Overlord of Sin · C28
Mystogrigen: Ummm... Correct me if I'm wrong, but you turn your skin into magically resistant basilisk skin, how do you turn it back? Remember, magically resistant.New Dawn- A Harry Potter Transmigration Fanfic · C43
Overlord of Sin · C28
Overlord of Sin · C0
Reborn as a Indominus-Rex · C28
Lord_of_Winter: Another one bites the dust! Alas, I must part with such a great story for I know that I cannot afford such expenses. Such a predicament brings great sorrow to my heart, but the greed of Webnovel is not one an insignificant reader such as I can do a thing towards.
Devil_Paragon-sama, best wishes on going premium and I hope everything goes great for you. This is my farewell.Profane Prince of Domination · C79
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