Mp0438

27d

Commented

this chapter is really jumbled together, with how the dialogue is all in the same paragraph. if you separate the dialogue into individual paragraphs it would make it so much easier to read.

ch 0 8 Family time

Friendly Neighborhood Youtuber Spider-man

Movies · KamBroFam123ERT

Mp0438

1mth

Commented

F

ch 94 Akira Toriyama - Sayonara

To Go Even Further Beyond (Dragon Ball Z)

Anime & Comics · 0_Jordinio_0

Mp0438

1mth

Commented

was he raised as a child soldier? if so, his morals should be more skewed than acting like a regular teenager. this scene comes off as her manipulating him more than giving advice. he is acting like a normal teen and not a soldier or assassin in this chapter.

ch 0 6 Fanboying, and then almost crying

Marvel: The Huntsman Caught In a Spider's Web

Anime & Comics · spiderkayden

Mp0438

2mth

Commented

yes you are! I don't know how you found me and entered my home but someone help!

Please calm down about this. If you think my approach is wrong please go read the original book and enjoy. No one is forcibly holding you down or forcing you to read it.

Hogwarts : leveling up the world

Movies · The_last_airbender

Mp0438

2mth

Commented

the chapter feels out of place since Grim is on a case but then pov switches and leaves you hanging about what's going on with Grim and Jessica.

ch 47 Chapter 42: Mama needs her Froyo!!!

Marvel: Adventures of Grim Mortimer

Anime & Comics · samadomkv

Mp0438

2mth

Commented

system of a down reference?

She looked me dead in the eye, serious as Fudge's funeral bell, "The revolution will — in fact — be televised."

The Grind (And Helping Heather Potter) [Complete]

Book&Literature · Daddy

Mp0438

2mth

Replied to G8tDestroyer

I'd fail that class.

"Oh…" Septima's cheeks flushed with color. Was it something I said? "Suddenly I'm reminded why you are… were… my favorite student."

The Grind (And Helping Heather Potter) [Complete]

Book&Literature · Daddy

Mp0438

2mth

Commented

it's fun watching him interact with both women. they honestly have good chemistry together. wonder what happened to squirrel girl? not that I like the character just curious why she stood him up.

ch 46 Chapter 41: Human Trash, Skia..Skia, Human Trash!

Marvel: Adventures of Grim Mortimer

Anime & Comics · samadomkv

Mp0438

2mth

Commented

he just made fun of her and then calls out his attack name lol.

He declared, "Star Swordsmanship·Shigure-Soen-Ryu·8th form: Akisame!"

Anime: Infinite Swordsman! (Danmachi + Asterisk War)

Anime & Comics · Tom_22

Mp0438

2mth

Commented

I think having Felicia as one of the love interests makes sense from what you have written so far. they already have an emotional connection along with a physical attraction.

ch 44 Chapter 39: Shower Thoughts???

Marvel: Adventures of Grim Mortimer

Anime & Comics · samadomkv

Mp0438

3mth

Commented

thanks for coming back. I enjoy this story since so far it isn't some edge lord mc. if the tone stays like this I would be a happy man. but I also know this is worm so it could flip on its head at any moment. keep up the good work.

ch 0 9 Interlude 1.b

Mp0438

3mth

Commented

nuzlocke the bane of all pokemon players existence lol.

"How are you guys?" I greeted them and they nodded, while Jasper just stayed silent. I know that he's in Hardcore Survival Nuzlocke mode right now.

Mp0438

3mth

Commented

thanks for the chapter. have a happy new year! wonder why a couple of newbies were sent without anyone telling them about Yuna and her group.

ch 104 Bullying Hollow

Goddess of Ice: Corrupting Bleach

Anime & Comics · Maerry

Mp0438

3mth

Commented

Merry Christmas!

A/N: Merry Christmas to all my readers. Well those who celebrate it at least. To the rest simply happy holidays.

Mp0438

3mth

Commented

Merry Christmas! glad your back.

Additionally, I wish you a Merry Christmas.

Goddess of Ice: Corrupting Bleach

Anime & Comics · Maerry

Mp0438

3mth

Commented

just a suggestion but splitting up the dialogue would make this easier to read. I'm reading on my phone so that may be why but right now it just looks like a couple of long paragraphs with some dialogue in the middle of them.

ch 0 2 Chapter 1 Spartan Dark 909

Mp0438

3mth

Commented

just a suggestion but I would shorten this to konaha instead of the full name. makes it a little easier on you.

"Father will go with us tomorrow. Father asked me to tell you not to be late, otherwise he will personally carry your bed to the door of the ninja academy, letting you experience what it feels like to sleep in front of everyone in Konohagakure Village."