GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

Why is it always ninja? There are loads on xianxia stories about someone transmigrating in to the body of a prince and cultivating. Doing a kingdom building Naruto fanfic where the main character gets involved in made up national politics, releases modern knowledge and inventions, and hires ninja tutors so he can get strong enough to survive the consequential assassination attempt would make a good story wouldn't it? I've never found one though..

Sure on paper being a civilian seemed logical, since I wouldn't be sent on life or death missions and likely avoid a lot of conflict. However, one thing I did remember about Naruto was the world was pretty much in perpetual war, this era especially. Meaning it was very likely for civilians to be attacked or simply caught in the crossfire. So, unless I had some level of strength to protect myself, any peaceful civilian life I'd have would likely be very brief.

Naruto: World of Warcraft

Anime & Comics · CORNBRINGER

GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

I love the upbeat spin-doctor vibe

Now with that little question out of the way,onto the next. Here in Atlas, we know how hard it is to fit in and replace loved ones once you die, so once again, we have conveniently helped! Making you our customer an orphan! No family, no need to explain or replace loved ones!

Naruto: World of Warcraft

Anime & Comics · CORNBRINGER

GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

Well, worked metal used to be very expensive, armor excessively so. The logic as it is written here is a bit wooly, but armor can be presumed to be a honking great status symbol in primitive times

By decreasing or increasing the number of plates, the same armor could be shared even if the wielders were in different ranks. That being said, one did not have to own an armor to be called a knight. If he was to be seen wearing an armor (even if it wasn't his) on a horse, he would be instantly recognized as a knight, no matter how low his rank was.

Abe the Wizard

Fantasy · The Mass of Eating Melon Seeds

GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

Ehh~ I think the authors trying to conjure the image of a huge surge of energy splitting the sky like in an anime where it zooms waaay out and you have to see the whole world to see the full effect of an attack

Just when they were about to kill Emperor Yuan, a sword energy flew over from hundreds of miles away.

80 Years Of Signing-In At The Cold Palace, I Am Unrivalled

Eastern · Girls Are Cute

GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

If I were writing this story that ghost would have been 'brought to nirvana' by a thousand passionate thrusts of my sword.

The brilliant sword gleam flashed and exorcised imperial Consort Jia in one stroke.

80 Years Of Signing-In At The Cold Palace, I Am Unrivalled

Eastern · Girls Are Cute

GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

The strongest power manifestation occured when rage and serenity were in balance. What does that even mean though? Pretty sounding nonsense.

This paragraph has been deleted.

The Epic of Leviathan

Anime & Comics · InGlorious

GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

stringy -> stringent

But just putting an egg under a toad wasn't enough. Extremely harsh conditions were needed to breed the King of Serpents. Everything from the toad's type, age, gender, and various other specifications, to the hen who laid the chicken egg used, were harshly stringy.

HP: A Magical Journey [Complete]

Book&Literature · FictionOnlyReader

GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

Someone in another fanfic totally over analyzed those words and said they were an oblique reference to how if you are a student currently without knowledge (a nitwit) you should not be content with the way things are (blubber), try something new (oddment), then reflect upon what worked and learn from it (tweak).

"Welcome!" he started. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are, Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!"

HP: A Magical Journey [Complete]

Book&Literature · FictionOnlyReader

GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

She rescued Iruka, cast a genjutsu, then was somehow in front of the shiruken to redirect it? Did Sakura learn to teleport in that month of training and you just forgot to mention it?

As soon as Iruka was out of the way, Sakura did a series of combat moves. First she used Sakura Blossom Petal Storm on Mizuki to hinder his senses. In the moment he was busy, she somersaulted over the still flying Fuma Shuriken and managed to catch it accurately mid air.

Born as Sakura With a System

Anime & Comics · NiksElDrago

GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

The author forgot to give his main character any character.

ch 0 2 BSWS CH-2 Is that Sakura Haruno?!

Born as Sakura With a System

Anime & Comics · NiksElDrago

GnawingJackal

2yr

Commented

It's pretty rough. If this chapter was revised a few times and some detail was added about the MC's reactions and feelings to dying and being sent to an afterlife bureaucracy was ACTUALLY INCLUDED then it would be a nice premise. The part where the MC gets his golden finger because the frustrated god wants to cause problems for his co-workers in petty revenge is pretty funny. The story is currently too clumsy to be bothered with though.

ch 0 1 Chapter 1

Harry Potter: New World

Movies · HPMan

GnawingJackal

3yr

Posted

The story is very rushed in it's pacing but the critical flaw in its telling is that it lacks all of the face-slapping that TDG and LOHP were built around. The MC really needs some problems to solve. The MC just seems to accomplish everything with a hand-wave. Make him suffer or the story will be lackluster. You need to add in worries and misunderstandings from Shen Yue's friends to create Conflict in the MC's relationships. With Shen Yue's decision to randomly go incognito you need to create random a**holes who will try to pick on Shen Yue so the MC can get a good curbstomp in, violent conflict. Conflict and more conflict! What's the point of being a Gary Stu if no one can put up a fight, damn it?!

Reborn as a Villain in Tales of Demons and Gods

Anime & Comics · FanDaoist

GnawingJackal

3yr

Posted

The feel of the dialogue in the story meshes with the writing as it was in ATG, so that's well done. The problem with the story is that the MC is too laid back for a cultivation novel, and though this makes him more level-headed and likable than Yun Che, Cultivation stories thrive on conflict. The Main character NEEDS to overcome great difficulties! Without random a**holes constantly antagonizing the MC the story isn't compelling unless you throw a lot of Slice of Life magical BS to explain the MC's cultivating process and the problems he needs to solve to progress. This story hand-waves all of the difficulties the MC has when he's cultivating away into the background. As a result the MC of the story is a level-headed OP bad-ass with no enemies that nevertheless conveniently powers up all the time. No conflict. No wow

Transmigration in Against the Gods (AU)

Anime & Comics · darvom

GnawingJackal

3yr

Replied to Mans_1_Not_2_Hot_3

Stealing powers isn't the problem. Having the main character of the story be nothing more than a training robot, however, is.

Ultimate Cypher (Marvel)

Anime & Comics · Anubis_Creationz

GnawingJackal

3yr

Commented

Rule: hitting the same spot over and over causes an exponentially increasing ammount of damage. Easy win for a speedster vs a strongman type.

'The big one over there should be more of a challenge, the question is… Do I have any sort of technique that would help me finish the Menos Grande?' He asked himself, sprinting his way past the streets at unbelievable speeds. 'I don't think I can kill him with just swinging this small sword.'

In Bleach with a System!

Anime & Comics · KindaWeirdChampBro

GnawingJackal

3yr

Commented

So, is your SI going to kill Hitler or what?

ch 0 5 Helena

Mason Aves: The Wizard [DROPPED]

Movies · HelloDarkness07

GnawingJackal

3yr

Commented

The problem with telekinesis in the Potterverse is that it instantly makes you an end-boss level threat. Even if you don't use it like that Villain from the Heroes tv series a wandless, invisible punch to the nose will win you 99% of any wizarding duels your character ends up in without any challenge at all.

ch 0 3 Turning Eleven.. almost.

Mason Aves: The Wizard [DROPPED]

Movies · HelloDarkness07

GnawingJackal

3yr

Commented

Weren't hunter cards valuable? Irreplaceable and one of a kind? Why did neither of the bodies get searched?

The man's head fell to the ground, his screams disappeared, all traces of life slowly faded from his eyes, Raigo sighed with a strange expression and then slowly left the dark alley towards the light streets of the city.

I own a Sharingan

Anime & Comics · Otaku_king

GnawingJackal

3yr

Commented

Are chakra beasts actually a thing in Naruto canon? I mean there are the bijuu and the summons but were there wild animals that were insane and amp'ed up by chakra randomly roaming around the hidden villages? I wiki'd it in case it was something introduced in Boruto.. like defeating Kaguya left loose power around which agglomerated into mini bijuu or something, but google has failed me. Or maybe there were chakra beasts the whole time but they lived out in the wilds away from the main settled areas?

ch 11 Soy sauce or Ketchup

Re: Akimichi

Anime & Comics · Don_Paw

GnawingJackal

3yr

Commented

Innuendo Bingo! ^_^ If you know what I mean..

Jiu Jiu had never felt this tired in her life. Faintly, Jiu Jiu mumbled, "He is just a kid in the Void Return realm, yet he was able to torment me for so long. I'm so tired!"

My Senior Brother is Too Steady

Eastern · Get to the Point

GnawingJackal - Profile

Badges 5

Moments 43

Naruto: World of Warcraft

Naruto: World of Warcraft

Abe the Wizard

80 Years Of Signing-In At The Cold Palace, I Am Unrivalled

80 Years Of Signing-In At The Cold Palace, I Am Unrivalled

The Epic of Leviathan

HP: A Magical Journey [Complete]

HP: A Magical Journey [Complete]

Born as Sakura With a System

Born as Sakura With a System

Harry Potter: New World

Reborn as a Villain in Tales of Demons and Gods

Transmigration in Against the Gods (AU)

Ultimate Cypher (Marvel)

In Bleach with a System!

Mason Aves: The Wizard [DROPPED]

Mason Aves: The Wizard [DROPPED]

I own a Sharingan

Re: Akimichi

My Senior Brother is Too Steady

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