Webnovel Author: NotBeatrix - Novel Collection

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NotBeatrix

NotBeatrix

LV 2

Hey! My name is Valerie Beatrix, and I'm so happy you stumbled on my page! Check out my works or my current in progress Tempest & Temptation! Support me if you want https://ko-fi.com/valeriebtrix :)

2018-12-02 Joined United States

Badges 8

Moments 1251

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Replied to Little_North_Star
Great chapter ~
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NotBeatrix
Commented
interesting first chapter 💖
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NotBeatrix
Commented
Doggy 😯
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NotBeatrix
Commented
💖💖💖💖
This book has been deleted.
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Replied to Daoistjk7VgP
thanks!
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Posted
'In a world of beats and hybrids, Alfonse is the only human...' I know that this interesting setup is what drew me to the book. It makes you wonder how and why Alfonse ended up in this world. The first chapter has a hook that pulls you but I think what I enjoyed most was how the author does a good job of showing the monotony of Alfonse's life. You can really tell that in the first few chapters that Alfonse is living a life he finds boring and disinteresting. It makes all the more sense for when in later chapters, Alfonse may want to do something to fight to change. Additionally, the author tries to make sure readers have a basic image of the world in the story. With that being said, I noticed there were a few grammar errors here and there in terms of the tense switches and typos. While speaking in present tense isn't bad, I would say the present tense shift doesn't feel like it works to the best of its abilities here in this book. Also, the book could use more details on the world and setting as well properly introduce the characters. The chapters move far too fast for me to remain invested in one scene or the other. This can be solved by simply detailing things such the settings and more. For example, it was written that the townspeople are animal hybrids, but no further descriptions were provided besides 'cat' 'dog' which left me with the image of just a regular dog and cat. You may to explain them looking like had the head of tiger but the body of a man or something like that. Besides that, I think your novel has a lot of potential with a little polishing. Good luck, author!
NotBeatrix
NotBeatrix
Replied to f0011
ALFONSEEEE

ch 0 2 Chapter 2. Tiny Sinister

Sparking Bloom

Sparking Bloom

Fantasy · KiriDuGema

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