• Joined Dec 2018
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  • An artist. A storyteller. Will you share in my daydreams? Let’s bring imaginations to life. I love art, reading, writing, music, movies, and games. I'm an author of three novels on Webnovel.

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    Published more than 100000 words on Webnovel

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    Checked in for a total of 360 days

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    Obtain a cumulative total of 10,000 Coins

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Original Works

  • Canaan: My World To Live

    Canaan: My World To Live

    Fantasy slow romance Reincarnation Action Adventure Magic Gods Mystery strong female lead Supernatural TimeTravel Kingdom Psychological School Tragedy Spirits and Demons Parallel Worlds Knights Mages ScienceFiction Philosophical PortalFantasy Mythical SpaceTime Agents ImmersiveWorld

    4.6

    Essairyn had never felt truly alive on Earth. It felt like something was missing ever since she was born, but even after nearly 20 years of mundane living, she could never pinpoint what this or the emptiness in her heart was. Suddenly, she awakens in a grandiose, primordial forest and encounters both demons and spirits in a parallel world called Sol'h'meyr. She befriends, in particular, a sassy fox-spirit named Akari who just reincarnated after three millennia. Essairyn is an abnormal human with elemental powers, and Akari is being chased by those of her dark past. Together, they set out on an adventure in a world of magic, danger, mystery, and intrigue. But this not a game. That simple adventure is actually the modest beginnings in a chain of disruptions that tear even the dimensional fabric of time and space. No one, not even Essairyn, was who she thought she was. And not even the gods can change the destiny of the universes... A single promise shook eternity’s existence. — Fantasy || Adventure || Romance || Action || Mystery || Drama || Science Fiction — The My World To Live (MWTL) series, the alternative short name is Canaan, is comprised of three books symbolically named My World, To Live, and My World To Live. Two years prior, the entire story had been planned and detailed out from start to finish before actual writing. Thus, updates might be slow after a period of time due to real life matters, but the story will never be dropped. While the genre is largely Fantasy, the book is comprised of many other elements including a School Life (Magic Academy) story portion. MWTL has a lot of scattered symbolism and allusions, hence, the mystery aspect. The science fiction elements progressively become more pronounced, and the slow romance is a late bloomer. The female lead is strong and independent, and her backstory and identity unravel as drivers of the plot. Expect lots of action/fighting throughout and scattered philosophical and psychological themes arising. It's a human journey to find the essence of one's living and purpose. What kind of world do I wish to live for? Any feedback is greatly appreciated. I hope to share the journey with you~! **The book cover is an original artwork by Chryiss please don’t reuse elsewhere. Thank you~** "For my world to live, yours must die." - Optimus Prime

  • RE: Life as a Tree

    RE: Life as a Tree

    Fantasy System Romance Reincarnation Adventure Fantasy GameElements Monsters KingdomBuilding ScienceFiction TimeParadox

    4.8

    Rialyne (Ri-ah-line) was the laughingstock of her school--the fatty, the witch, the loser, the nobody. Ostracized, bullied, and pushed to the brink of insanity, her intense resentment led her to carry out atrocious deeds that led to her classmates demise as well as her own. She didn't ever think she would see the light of heaven if it actually existed, and she didn't want to see the cruel creator who dealt her such a luckless hand in life either. To bring everyone down with her, that was all she desired upon death. But as fate would have it, she reincarnated..... into a damn peaceful tree! What is this?! Retribution?! Join Ria on the journey to become the natural ruler of the world she so despised through a mysterious system. On the way, she makes amends with her dark self and unexpectedly finds love. However, no matter how powerful she becomes, she is but a tree... Will she rise up out of the ashes, or will everything end up in tragedy yet again? Writing Contest Prompt #62: Become a tree Forewarning: I'm literally writing this story on the spot because I thought the prompt was hella hilarious. Even though I'll try my best, if you really want a seriously written/planned out story, then read my other novel: My World To Live. Cheers!

  • Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?!

    Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?!

    Music & Bands Romance Music Celebrities Fanfiction FemaleLead ModernDay BTS Idols KPop Inspirational

    4.8

    **Important Note: This is about a fictional OC girl surviving in the music industry and set in real, modern times. ** ------------------------------------------------------- Synopsis: BTS, Bangtan Sonyeondan, Bulletproof Boy Scouts, Beyond The Scene. The idol group had various names, but to Iris, BTS would forever be her inspiration, both in music and in life. She had first encountered them by accident during BTS’s American Hustle Life. Curious and smitten by the adorably awkward boys who couldn’t speak English very well, she later discovered that they were K-pop idols. Upon discovering K-pop, she realized her passion for singing and dancing. She joined the Korean Culture Club at her university and participated in K-pop dance covers. But as a practical girl, she never pursued music seriously. As a second generation American to Thai and Chinese parents, she felt a responsibility to graduate college and be a successful businesswoman. But BTS was the wildcard in her life. When she fatefully met them again during their Wings world tour, her life would never be the same again. Tossed into the brutal world of K-pop, she became somehow became a Big Hit trainee! ------------------------------------------------------- Genres: Fan Fiction, (side) Romance Fiction Question: Why is this listed as Realistic Fiction instead of Fan Fiction? 1) The MC is Iris Huang, a fictional character along with her family and the other Big Hit trainees. Any k-pop idols included in this story are secondary leads. 2) BTS are not the only k-pop included in this story; thus, this is more of a k-pop fanfic if anything. With that said, they are more integral to the story than the others. But because this story began as an entry into the BTS writing competition, I have since after its end gotten some hate for writing it merely due to BTS fanfics swamping the Fan Fiction section. (I really don't see the case for it because the top popular fan fics listed only showed 3 BTS fan fics including mine much lower down the browsing results. But with the contest, the sudden influx probably messed up the New section.) In short, imagine this as a fictional story that's realistic in being set in the modern world and time with real-life people's names. This story was never completely about BTS, it was about Iris surviving in the music industry. It's like saying a fantasy story can't also be a romance; even though, the story may be listed under Fantasy as the main genre. 3) I see stories on here not listed as fan fiction when they're based on TV shows and series, and the story MC is clearly the MC of that original show. Since I think my story follows Realistic Fiction more than as a BTS fan fiction since it isn't totally centered around them, I changed it two weeks after the competition ended. Additionally, now no one can complain about their favorite fan fiction being overrun by BTS ones.... I don't want to inadvertently add to the hate that BTS receives for stupid reasons like this. ------------------------------------------------------- Note about the realism in this book: All of the realism is to allow readers to be able to insert themselves as the MC as if living this reality for real in the modern world. I hope to share BTS's inspirational message to love yourself. May you gain the strength to also believe in yourself and follow your dreams~! Please support the continuation of this story by voting, and enjoy reading! (: TAGS: Music, Idols, Modern Day, Celebrities, Female Lead, Inspirational, Romance, Fan Fiction, BTS, K-pop

Moments

It’s Wednesday, so only 2-3 days to first update on Friday. :D View More

ISHU_hyper: I can’t do this anymore! I need moreeeee.... there are still 4 days to wait! 😭😭😭😭😭

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C75
1 day ago

ISHU_hyper: I can’t do this anymore! I need moreeeee.... there are still 4 days to wait! 😭😭😭😭😭

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C75
1 day ago

blairehawthorne: Hello there!

Thank you so much for giving such an amazing, thoughtful, and clear review of the novel! No one has ever done so to me for a very long time, so I never really had a reflection of my work based on outside critique before, only self-reflections according to my gut feeling. I really, really wish to thank you for showing my shortcomings; it really pumped me up to be better in the future, not just as a writer, but also as an editor.

I also agree 100% to your thoughts on Volume 1 and 2. I have written these stories when I was at my teens and only did some minor edits to it along the way to improve the grammar, but the way those two volumes look right now does not differ much from when I wrote it when I was 17. A lot of things have happened and changed then, and I am confident enough to say that my writing has improved well enough that I can definitely make you prouder of my work based on the ones I am currently producing!

But, I gotta admit, I really still need to hold back on talking about my characters a bit ahahahaha!

Thank you so much! I hope you'll have a nice day!

A Serenade for the Innocent
1 day ago

Chryiss: Writing Quality: Average

The grammar is generally good overall with barely any quirks in syntax. My pet peeve is the usage of colons for dialogue like,
Kais: "Hi."
Sona: "Hello."
Using this form, and even the overall style of prose you're writing in reads very much like a theater play than an actual book story. This detracts from the immersion, making it feel like a narrator is continuously talking to me rather than me, a reader, getting immersed into the story. Additionally, it automatically limits and deprives you of speech verbs like he chuckled, screamed, wept, groused, etc. These give a lot of character and immersion to your story, so by using colons to express dialogue, you're missing out on further crafting a world and cast of characters that's easily visualized and experienced by the reader.

I also noticed that the dialogue itself needs a lot to be worked on. Much of certain sections feel very unnecessary where by the end of the whole conversation, I feel like I got nothing out of it. For instance, the conversation about killing the dragon between Sona and Kais was just a bunch of back and forth that didn't lead anywhere. I would suggest just cutting this out or omitting parts of the dialogue entirely. This also includes skipping the beginning first scene and jumping straight to Kais being attacked at home by two half-psychics. I believe this scene to be engaging and a better story starter.

Additionally, the switching of first and third person, especially in the first chapter, along with the switching of perspectives and settings from Kais to say Ro, is very discombobulating. It's confusing and clunky. If every chapter was designated to one perspective, then I think this issue would be cleared up somewhat. But currently, with the cutting from one perspective to the other as well as the shifts of "I" used in first person of Kais to then speaking about Kais and comparing his and others' powers doesn't feel very fluid or harmonious. I suggest sticking with one narrative and one perspective, at least, for every chapter. Lastly, as general, short recommendation, increase range of vocabulary.

Update Stability: Great
Nice and steady, several releases every week, good job pacing yourself!

Story Development: Under Average

The main problem here is due to the unnecessary dialogue which makes it feel like it's a bunch of back and forth and not much moving ahead. The only part where it felt like a good pace with necessary and interesting dialogue was when Kais was attacked in the first chapter by two people in his home. I suggest applying this to the read of the dialogues in the later chapters. I touch on this later in the world background below, but the story had a lot of telling rather than showing. I want to be able to envision Kais as he's on the island and moving around and interacting.

Character Design: Under Average

I don't have much of a grasp on the individuality of the characters. I get a general sense, but most of that is largely derived from their dialogue, which isn't enough and should be supplemented by more character introspection and details on their gestures and mannerisms. You do some of this already, but it needs to be pumped up more. With Kais especially, since he's usually in first person, I want to see more of his feelings rather a "monotone" reaction of the events happening around him. When he says that two half-psychics can't compare to a full psychic like him, I want to feel more of his confidence, show it, don't just say it. Overall, I'd like the characters to be more differentiated and definable. Some of the issue lays in having too many characters that the story is following, so we don't get a clear grasp on each before moving onto someone new.

World Background: Average

This actually is in-limbo between under-average, but since I deemed it to be on the stronger end, and one of the better aspects of your story that you did well, I bumped it to average. I understood what the world was like and where Kais was generally; although, the switching of narratives and perspectives definitely did trip me up. The main aspect that needs to be worked on is to do more showing and less telling of his settings, world, and what he's going to do. Again, this goes back to the beginning point about how this story reads more like a theater play script than an actual book story.

In conclusion, you have a good starting set of tools to make a good story with your writing abilities, but the organization and scope of the story is lacking. These are all fixable without impairing or greatly changing your essential plot and story, however. So continue writing, keep learning, and good luck!

A Psychic's Scarlet Dream
1 day ago
Reading Status: C8
Writing Quality: Average

The grammar is generally good overall with barely any quirks in syntax. My pet peeve is the usage of colons for dialogue like,
Kais: "Hi."
Sona: "Hello."
Using this form, and even the overall style of prose you're writing in reads very much like a theater play than an actual book story. This detracts from the immersion, making it feel like a narrator is continuously talking to me rather than me, a reader, getting immersed into the story. Additionally, it automatically limits and deprives you of speech verbs like he chuckled, screamed, wept, groused, etc. These give a lot of character and immersion to your story, so by using colons to express dialogue, you're missing out on further crafting a world and cast of characters that's easily visualized and experienced by the reader.

I also noticed that the dialogue itself needs a lot to be worked on. Much of certain sections feel very unnecessary where by the end of the whole conversation, I feel like I got nothing out of it. For instance, the conversation about killing the dragon between Sona and Kais was just a bunch of back and forth that didn't lead anywhere. I would suggest just cutting this out or omitting parts of the dialogue entirely. This also includes skipping the beginning first scene and jumping straight to Kais being attacked at home by two half-psychics. I believe this scene to be engaging and a better story starter.

Additionally, the switching of first and third person, especially in the first chapter, along with the switching of perspectives and settings from Kais to say Ro, is very discombobulating. It's confusing and clunky. If every chapter was designated to one perspective, then I think this issue would be cleared up somewhat. But currently, with the cutting from one perspective to the other as well as the shifts of "I" used in first person of Kais to then speaking about Kais and comparing his and others' powers doesn't feel very fluid or harmonious. I suggest sticking with one narrative and one perspective, at least, for every chapter. Lastly, as general, short recommendation, increase range of vocabulary.

Update Stability: Great
Nice and steady, several releases every week, good job pacing yourself!

Story Development: Under Average

The main problem here is due to the unnecessary dialogue which makes it feel like it's a bunch of back and forth and not much moving ahead. The only part where it felt like a good pace with necessary and interesting dialogue was when Kais was attacked in the first chapter by two people in his home. I suggest applying this to the read of the dialogues in the later chapters. I touch on this later in the world background below, but the story had a lot of telling rather than showing. I want to be able to envision Kais as he's on the island and moving around and interacting.

Character Design: Under Average

I don't have much of a grasp on the individuality of the characters. I get a general sense, but most of that is largely derived from their dialogue, which isn't enough and should be supplemented by more character introspection and details on their gestures and mannerisms. You do some of this already, but it needs to be pumped up more. With Kais especially, since he's usually in first person, I want to see more of his feelings rather a "monotone" reaction of the events happening around him. When he says that two half-psychics can't compare to a full psychic like him, I want to feel more of his confidence, show it, don't just say it. Overall, I'd like the characters to be more differentiated and definable. Some of the issue lays in having too many characters that the story is following, so we don't get a clear grasp on each before moving onto someone new.

World Background: Average

This actually is in-limbo between under-average, but since I deemed it to be on the stronger end, and one of the better aspects of your story that you did well, I bumped it to average. I understood what the world was like and where Kais was generally; although, the switching of narratives and perspectives definitely did trip me up. The main aspect that needs to be worked on is to do more showing and less telling of his settings, world, and what he's going to do. Again, this goes back to the beginning point about how this story reads more like a theater play script than an actual book story.

In conclusion, you have a good starting set of tools to make a good story with your writing abilities, but the organization and scope of the story is lacking. These are all fixable without impairing or greatly changing your essential plot and story, however. So continue writing, keep learning, and good luck! View More
A Psychic's Scarlet Dream
1 day ago

Chryiss: Writing Quality: Above Average
Update Stability: Great
Story Development: Above Average
Character Design: Average
World Background: Above Average

Good grammar, few typos and errors overall. It might be due to you rewriting the first story though. While the writing is technically/grammatically sound, and there’s a relatively good range of vocabulary used, the prose and style feels lacking. But it lacks not because there’s now enough “stuff,” but because there’s too much. Surprisingly, for once, it feels like there’s too much self-introspection in the first person narrative. This connects a bit with the character design portion. The first story describes Margaux from her point of view too much. There’s paragraphs of how she views herself as above everyone else and being annoyed that she’s interested in a guy like John/being beaten in “popularity” and “fame” compared to her Student President Status. Even though I find her character generally unlikable, I don’t detract just because she’s not my cup of tea. In fact, there are moments when she’s quite relatable. In regards to writing her, I just simply feel like a lot could be cut about her without losing anything essential; in fact, it would make those details about her less redundant and more impactful overall. There’s also another aspect of the writing that feels off (not off as in wrong, but in that something’s missing which could elevate it to Great). The suspense and horror is generally well done, but again, due to over-focusing, like with her character, it also feels dragged out when it could be condensed to deliver a sharp more frightening impact. In short, the timing is off due to the length of the writing descriptions.

More specially on character design. I was on the fence about average or above average. I settled on the former because I realized it’s about design, not depiction. The latter I touched upon in the above section in relation to writing style, while the former is about the strength, originality, and memorableness of the characters. Margaux has a strong, clear character, but it’s too generic. This might be due to the excess of details describing her and her every thought, but her whole character boils down to haughty af. I say this a little jokingly, lightheartedly. Most don’t delve into and focus on such characters, so that view was refreshing. However, the inner struggle she had wasn’t strong enough, which is why I deem her a relatively weak character. She falls too squarely into one category when it would’ve nice to give her more dimension, perhaps elaborate more on her conflicted feelings when John died. That’s the part I looked most forward too, what kind of psychological or emotional struggle would she have when he died after “meddling” with him. But instead of this being dwelled upon in the length that the previous descriptions of her character were, this crucial bit, the climax really, was lacking. This also includes how she went “crazy” when the “monster” chasing John came after her. I would’ve loved more on that.

And touching lightly on John, I found him a bit more interesting, he seemed more promising with more potential, but instead he was just diminished to a simple scared prey. I understand this is the horror part, of being reduced to such a state, but it made him ultimately forgetful.

Onto the plot and world background specifically, here you shined the most. It’s not common to see horror genres on here, so it was cool to see how went about creating suspense and mystery. With that said, as mentioned before, the “timing was lacking” to make the scariness even more chilling and the “monsters” more intriguing.

In conclusion, I think you’re a good writer with good ideas, they just need to be refined to the next level by cutting some parts harshly out while diving more into others. The horror feelings and depictions are promising, but needs quite a bit of polishing.

While I mostly focused on the first story in writing this review, I also read-

A Serenade for the Innocent
2 days ago
(continued from Review)

—I also read the second story, and the same critiques are consistent from the first story.

You’re going down a cool, unique road. Continuing writing and refining, good luck! View More

Chryiss: Writing Quality: Above Average
Update Stability: Great
Story Development: Above Average
Character Design: Average
World Background: Above Average

Good grammar, few typos and errors overall. It might be due to you rewriting the first story though. While the writing is technically/grammatically sound, and there’s a relatively good range of vocabulary used, the prose and style feels lacking. But it lacks not because there’s now enough “stuff,” but because there’s too much. Surprisingly, for once, it feels like there’s too much self-introspection in the first person narrative. This connects a bit with the character design portion. The first story describes Margaux from her point of view too much. There’s paragraphs of how she views herself as above everyone else and being annoyed that she’s interested in a guy like John/being beaten in “popularity” and “fame” compared to her Student President Status. Even though I find her character generally unlikable, I don’t detract just because she’s not my cup of tea. In fact, there are moments when she’s quite relatable. In regards to writing her, I just simply feel like a lot could be cut about her without losing anything essential; in fact, it would make those details about her less redundant and more impactful overall. There’s also another aspect of the writing that feels off (not off as in wrong, but in that something’s missing which could elevate it to Great). The suspense and horror is generally well done, but again, due to over-focusing, like with her character, it also feels dragged out when it could be condensed to deliver a sharp more frightening impact. In short, the timing is off due to the length of the writing descriptions.

More specially on character design. I was on the fence about average or above average. I settled on the former because I realized it’s about design, not depiction. The latter I touched upon in the above section in relation to writing style, while the former is about the strength, originality, and memorableness of the characters. Margaux has a strong, clear character, but it’s too generic. This might be due to the excess of details describing her and her every thought, but her whole character boils down to haughty af. I say this a little jokingly, lightheartedly. Most don’t delve into and focus on such characters, so that view was refreshing. However, the inner struggle she had wasn’t strong enough, which is why I deem her a relatively weak character. She falls too squarely into one category when it would’ve nice to give her more dimension, perhaps elaborate more on her conflicted feelings when John died. That’s the part I looked most forward too, what kind of psychological or emotional struggle would she have when he died after “meddling” with him. But instead of this being dwelled upon in the length that the previous descriptions of her character were, this crucial bit, the climax really, was lacking. This also includes how she went “crazy” when the “monster” chasing John came after her. I would’ve loved more on that.

And touching lightly on John, I found him a bit more interesting, he seemed more promising with more potential, but instead he was just diminished to a simple scared prey. I understand this is the horror part, of being reduced to such a state, but it made him ultimately forgetful.

Onto the plot and world background specifically, here you shined the most. It’s not common to see horror genres on here, so it was cool to see how went about creating suspense and mystery. With that said, as mentioned before, the “timing was lacking” to make the scariness even more chilling and the “monsters” more intriguing.

In conclusion, I think you’re a good writer with good ideas, they just need to be refined to the next level by cutting some parts harshly out while diving more into others. The horror feelings and depictions are promising, but needs quite a bit of polishing.

While I mostly focused on the first story in writing this review, I also read-

A Serenade for the Innocent
2 days ago
Reading Status: C6
Writing Quality: Above Average
Update Stability: Great
Story Development: Above Average
Character Design: Average
World Background: Above Average

Good grammar, few typos and errors overall. It might be due to you rewriting the first story though. While the writing is technically/grammatically sound, and there’s a relatively good range of vocabulary used, the prose and style feels lacking. But it lacks not because there’s now enough “stuff,” but because there’s too much. Surprisingly, for once, it feels like there’s too much self-introspection in the first person narrative. This connects a bit with the character design portion. The first story describes Margaux from her point of view too much. There’s paragraphs of how she views herself as above everyone else and being annoyed that she’s interested in a guy like John/being beaten in “popularity” and “fame” compared to her Student President Status. Even though I find her character generally unlikable, I don’t detract just because she’s not my cup of tea. In fact, there are moments when she’s quite relatable. In regards to writing her, I just simply feel like a lot could be cut about her without losing anything essential; in fact, it would make those details about her less redundant and more impactful overall. There’s also another aspect of the writing that feels off (not off as in wrong, but in that something’s missing which could elevate it to Great). The suspense and horror is generally well done, but again, due to over-focusing, like with her character, it also feels dragged out when it could be condensed to deliver a sharp more frightening impact. In short, the timing is off due to the length of the writing descriptions.

More specially on character design. I was on the fence about average or above average. I settled on the former because I realized it’s about design, not depiction. The latter I touched upon in the above section in relation to writing style, while the former is about the strength, originality, and memorableness of the characters. Margaux has a strong, clear character, but it’s too generic. This might be due to the excess of details describing her and her every thought, but her whole character boils down to haughty af. I say this a little jokingly, lightheartedly. Most don’t delve into and focus on such characters, so that view was refreshing. However, the inner struggle she had wasn’t strong enough, which is why I deem her a relatively weak character. She falls too squarely into one category when it would’ve nice to give her more dimension, perhaps elaborate more on her conflicted feelings when John died. That’s the part I looked most forward too, what kind of psychological or emotional struggle would she have when he died after “meddling” with him. But instead of this being dwelled upon in the length that the previous descriptions of her character were, this crucial bit, the climax really, was lacking. This also includes how she went “crazy” when the “monster” chasing John came after her. I would’ve loved more on that.

And touching lightly on John, I found him a bit more interesting, he seemed more promising with more potential, but instead he was just diminished to a simple scared prey. I understand this is the horror part, of being reduced to such a state, but it made him ultimately forgetful.

Onto the plot and world background specifically, here you shined the most. It’s not common to see horror genres on here, so it was cool to see how went about creating suspense and mystery. With that said, as mentioned before, the “timing was lacking” to make the scariness even more chilling and the “monsters” more intriguing.

In conclusion, I think you’re a good writer with good ideas, they just need to be refined to the next level by cutting some parts harshly out while diving more into others. The horror feelings and depictions are promising, but needs quite a bit of polishing.

While I mostly focused on the first story in writing this review, I also read- View More
A Serenade for the Innocent
2 days ago

Wei_iin: Finally the door opened.... But where is Yu Jung Hyeok?

Omniscient Reader · C538
2 days ago

DarkDragonGoddess: A dot into a comma. Badass

Omniscient Reader · C538
2 days ago

Iinonice: I think this is the longest chapter this far or I'm a slow reader because I'm need to take a deep breath everytime I read the sentence ಥ_ಥ

Omniscient Reader · C538
2 days ago

ISHU_hyper: My heart’s on fire for your love!!!!! While I was reading this whole chapter HEARTBEAT was blazing in my head. And boy does it go well with this chapter!

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C75
2 days ago

blanket123: Kim Dokja! Open the door already! Your friends are visiting you. Don't be rude, Kim Dokja!

Omniscient Reader · C537
3 days ago

Chryiss: Maybe, maybe not 🤐😉

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C75
3 days ago
Maybe, maybe not 🤐😉 View More

SleepyBoiYudo: So JinxIris and maybe cindyx(thatguyfromgot7IforgotwhichoneplsdontkillmeImnotmuchofakpopguyinfactrathernew) are the shippings that are being implied?

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C75
3 days ago

_Pingu_: First 😅

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C75
3 days ago

SleepyBoiYudo: So JinxIris and maybe cindyx(thatguyfromgot7IforgotwhichoneplsdontkillmeImnotmuchofakpopguyinfactrathernew) are the shippings that are being implied?

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C75
3 days ago

jooNic: Jin x Iris for REAL
OH MY GOD
i'm screaming right know

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C75
3 days ago

ISHU_hyper: oh! my heart is breaking for Jin... I am waiting with my diving suit ready to jump into muddy waters and i hope my ship will be able to sail albeit not smoothly.

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C74
3 days ago

Fanfictismyheaven: 💜💜💜💜💜🤩💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C72
3 days ago

ISHU_hyper: OMG! Will it happen before Jin goes to the military !? If Jin goes without confessing it is going to be so sad! JINRIS all the way!

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C73
5 days ago

Arrange: This chapter was so wholesome and sad with a sprinkle of hopefulness mixed with some bitterness.

Anyways, this is just your usual Sing Shong's recipe for a perfect "Cliff". She still refuses to change the menu even at the end. We're stuck with this dish, so we might as well enjoy it.

Omniscient Reader · C535
6 days ago
Reading Status: C7
Writing Quality: Below Average
Story Development: Below Average
Character Design: Below Average
World Background: Below Average
Stability of Updates: Above Average* --- I suggest uploading one chapter a day so that you have less of a period where there are no updates. I noticed you updated several in one day. Perhaps this was for the contest that I'm guessing this story was for(?), but I'm pretty sure you met the qualifying criteria. So there's no reason to upload 8 chapters all on Feb 11 but have no more updates up to now, Feb 20th. This is an updating recommendation in order to cater to how readers like to read on this site. They like consistency.

Prologue---
"A girl ran behind a boy with a big bag of cookies." This isn't the best way to start a story as it's not gripping enough. It's too simple and mundane, not a great hook. Instead, I'd combine the two scenes into one. The boy and the girl have to separate (the second scene), and the boy thinks back to the previous scene when she had fallen and he piggybacked her. He thinks about how he loves her, but that fate had its way of separating them. These thoughts of him are better suited for this second scene because it's more conducive in this context and swiftly gets to the conflict of their separation.

Additionally, I caution with love at first sight for very young kids. Even if he's mature, at 7 years old, I don't believe a child has that clear and strong of the concept of romantic love. You can still keep "love at first sight" but depict it in a child's point of view that's very innocent and naive, like the fondness for a dear playmate.

"She tripped off with her tiny legs letting the mother earth to eat her favourite cookies." Turn this into: "She tripped over her tiny legs, causing her favourite cookies to tumble to the ground." Saying Mother Earth is a little awkward for this simple falling context, so I don't recommend including it for this sentence. Besides that, I can clearly tell that English either isn't your first language, or you're still learning grammar and punctuation as these kinds of sentences are prevalent in your writing.

Overall, this first prologue is definitely rough around the edges. In fact, I'd cut parts of it and incorporate the important act of separation as a flashback thought/reflection either in chapter one or later. I don't believe you particularly need this short prologue. Just jump right into the story.

The actual first chapter is much more interesting and serves as a better starter than the prologue. It gives enough mystery (she's reincarnated? what body is she in now? what happened to her in the past) and action (she's being strangled) to intrigue the reader enough to continue reading. Onto the next scene, cool, she has her own high-tech lair, that's a little different, nice. Now the questions are answered to the reader about what happened to her old body and how her new body fits into this new timeline. The fact that her cousins recognized her and knew she's reincarnated at the start of the story is an interesting twist to the usual trope. Instead of the FL being the solo revenge act, she starts with two helpers.

Continuing onto the proceeding chapters, she wants to use her husband for achieving her revenge. Your overall plot and conflict that you set up is so far good. It's what I expected from this genre story but executed in a slightly unexpected, different way. I stopped at chapter 7 because I felt that was enough to get to my overall conclusion for this story. This review is mainly for evaluating the start of your story, including how you set up the plot and introduce the characters.

Firstly, the basic plot and conflict so far is good. But the pacing feels rushed along with the romantic conflict, that's why I deemed the story "development" as below average. Mia wants to use Xian for her revenge, but she worries about falling for him because she thinks he's a typical CEO that will cheat on her and not really love her. We as the readers know this isn't true (so far based on his inner thoughts presented). I do feel like Xian is too perfect. He's good-looking, successful, loving, and understanding. Even with Mia's supposed amnesia and slip-up's in her acting, he doesn't seem to be all that suspicious. Thus, both Mia's wariness of Xian, and Xian's lovingness and consideration feels all a bit contrived/forced for the sake of the story. I suggest slowing it down a bit and add some realism to it. Make Xian more aloof and suspicious to what's exactly happening. Also, I don't understand why he was choking her before? That seems rather inconsistent with how the rest of his character was portrayed. If he's faking it though, you need to accentuate this point better. And for Mia, she doesn't need to be so aware/scared of falling in love with him, or thinking of him fondly. Technically, he's a stranger. So except for her acting, it makes more sense to think of him as a stranger before she starts developing any nagging emotions for him.

In conclusion, you have a good story idea going. But it's a little more than a skeleton at this point. I think you can flesh it out with more world and visual details, and introspective and realistic thoughts and actions of the characters. Additionally, grammar is a weak point of the story, so brush up on correct syntax and punctuation in order to make it flow better. I also recommend not using so many question marks and exclamations in narration. This makes the story feel very *******ish. Those ending punctuations ought to be for more significant and dramatic moments or questions. Instead, rework your sentences to properly end with a period. This will make your writing feel more "professional" and "serious."

Good work, and good luck! View More
My Reincarnated Inamorata!
1 week ago

Zehntel: I'm guessing it's a combination of the three of them. HSY is the catalyst, KDJ is the power and YJK is the result.

If anyone of them was missing, this world would cease to exist. HSY needs to create ways of survival so KDJ can imagine it into existence and YJK needs to regress to give KDJ the power to sustain the timelines.... Or something like that.

Omniscient Reader · C534
1 week ago

Heaven_Bridge: She already get it, its "neverending story"

Omniscient Reader · C534
1 week ago
Revolutionary Road is a good book to learn from, I do agree. And no need for me to beware on more characterization since imo having more than necessary is better than less. If she isn’t shy, then maybe take that out of the synopsis?

I’m not going to go back and forth on this since it seems we differ on several things, but that’s the point of reviews, it’s coming from another perspective. I’m glad it was helpful to any degree for you.

All the best with writing, keep at it~! View More

RowPin: "For every kind of relationship, usually it's not "love at first sight" or "I want to (beep) you/get in your pants" unless said person is not using their upper brain as much as they should. You can have love at first sight, but it's very tricky to make it well done without making it feel unrealistic and cringey. In your case, this could be more successfully accomplished with more in-between words outside dialogue such as inner thoughts, noticing of gestures and features that are attractive, etc. Otherwise, it'll feel contrived or superficial."

It may be a failure of my words, but Aimee's crush on Mia was not intended as "love at first sight", nor is she a sexual person. She finds Mia physically attractive and becomes quickly attracted due to her own loneliness & that she gets to help Mia - a trait I've found common in lesbians, and illustrated by the line where Aimee realizes she's "thrown her thoughts in to Mia's basket without knowing her sexuality." Later chapters show she's also the type to fantasize about perfect relationships.

The note on observation reminds me of one of the better parts of Revolutionary Road, I'll consider it, thank you.

"Thus, many details for settings, world background, and even the personalities, thoughts, and feelings of characters are greatly left out. This isn't at all ideal for a book, and considering so many characters are introduced at once, I can imagine it'll become overwhelming or frustrating for some readers, especially since the chapter is very long, so the struggle of understanding everything feels very drawn out."

I would disagree with it being un-ideal for a book, but I am also currently reading a friend's novel even heavier on dialogue. For settings, I don't do description if it's something the reader can imagine themselves. For character's personalities, the characterizations (besides Mia's) are admittedly sparse in the first chapter - I was worried readers would be turned off if I indulged my inner literature writer. Beware that you've now given me an excuse to.

"Back to the dialogue, you're generally good at crafting the dialogue, the part in quotes. But all the stuttering is a little much."

Believe me, it used to be worse. I'm still trying to figure a better way to convey anxiety through dialogue. I considered having Mia's dialogue be legitimately awkward, but it's difficult to distinguish between actual awkward dialogue & unintentionally flawed dialogue.

"I know Mia is very shy and awkward, but unless she has some medical condition that causes to stutter in basically every sentence, then I really don't see the logical reason for expressing that awkward quality through stuttering. Honestly, if it weren't for the stutters, she sounds and acts like another other normal person. If you want to really describe her as shy and awkward, then you must do so through other means besides mainly dialogue."

I stutter about as much she does initially & don't have a medical condition besides being a loser.

But it *is* that she stutters that makes her awkward (along with her naivete & immaturity). She's afraid of getting a job, has no friends besides her parents & has never dated, and is disliked in lesbian communities because, while she agrees with the popular anti-cop position, she does not cast Urasaria students within that bucket - partially due to her fangirlism.

Within the text, I believe it's only mentioned "It wasn't as if she was an outcast - she spoke awkwardly and had trouble socializing. She hoped she was normal in most other aspects..." once. She's never described as shy outside the synopsis.

Urasaria Academy
1 week ago

ISHU_hyper: RiRi... that’s adorable! I really live the Jinris interactions! I want moreeeeeee! I look forward to comparing this novel to the real events...

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C72
1 week ago

LadyTass2001: I think in our hearts we all knew she was tls123. She denied it so strongly every time it was brought up. This makes sense. A dual existence. Like schizophrenics. She wrote it but she really didn't realise she wrote it. Which is why her later book is so similar, as her older self is writing her younger self is dreaming of what she's writing. Brilliant

Omniscient Reader · C533
1 week ago

ISHU_hyper: It’s really amazing the amount of thought you put into each one of your characters. I can visualise each one of them now. The charter description makes me feel as though I am a part of this group. Thank you for the chapter.

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C71
1 week ago

ISHU_hyper: Exactly! Jimin was flattering Lee Hyun so much... it was so cute!

Big Hit's New Girl Group: I'm a K-Pop Star?! · C70
1 week ago
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