Webnovel Author: Acutelittletrap - Fanfic&Novel Collection

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Acutelittletrap

Acutelittletrap

male LV 10
2018-12-28 Joined Global

Badges 6

Moments 16

Acutelittletrap
Acutelittletrap
Replied to 1000IronBladeHero
I'd say, chakra is the most important factor. At the end of the day, a bullet to the heart kills. 50cal or 9mm. The fact that the protag uses screws is more about his distaste for ninja.

I attacked Hinata with screws from a distance. Hinata deflected them with her hands, but at a small price as a small amount of blood poured out of her hands. But these attacks limited her movements. And, with my slight speed advantage, I knew she could never reach me. Maybe that was the point?

Screw Ninja's, a Genin's tale

Screw Ninja's, a Genin's tale

Anime & Comics · Acutelittletrap

Acutelittletrap
Replied to 1000IronBladeHero
Thanks for your comment. I do appreciate you looking for errors and commenting on them, And, I would be honored if you would do so in the future. However, this is not an error the protag does in fact use regular screws and not Kunai.

I attacked Hinata with screws from a distance. Hinata deflected them with her hands, but at a small price as a small amount of blood poured out of her hands. But these attacks limited her movements. And, with my slight speed advantage, I knew she could never reach me. Maybe that was the point?

Screw Ninja's, a Genin's tale

Screw Ninja's, a Genin's tale

Anime & Comics · Acutelittletrap

Acutelittletrap
Acutelittletrap
Acutelittletrap
Acutelittletrap
Acutelittletrap
Commented
Feel free to ask me any questions.
Acutelittletrap
Acutelittletrap
Commented
Your not really adding any value for the reader, as it stands, it's just a retelling of red riding hood. I'm confused, why not use the girl's name? (I'm guessing it's the protag.) I need more reactions from the victim/prisoner?
This chapter has been deleted.
wadada

wadada

Fantasy · echogillana

Acutelittletrap
Commented
Extra words pull the reader away from the novel, for example, this could be written like so. The Senator clicked his tongue AS tears flowed down a woman's face and over the ropes that dug into her arms...
This chapter has been deleted.
wadada

wadada

Fantasy · echogillana

Acutelittletrap
Commented
I don't even know who the speaker is.
This chapter has been deleted.
wadada

wadada

Fantasy · echogillana

Acutelittletrap
Commented
Long words are used needlessly, making the paragraph harder to read/understand.
This chapter has been deleted.
wadada

wadada

Fantasy · echogillana

Acutelittletrap
Commented
Preachy,
This chapter has been deleted.
wadada

wadada

Fantasy · echogillana

Acutelittletrap
Acutelittletrap
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