• Joined Jan 2019
  • India
  • Male
  • Dylan, 12, Indian, Otaku.

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    Published more than 500 words on Webnovel

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Moments

VhielF: I know that it is too early to judge the story but it seems to me that the readers require a certain amount of Football or Soccer, which way you want to call it, before understanding the games. Though that is a given I suppose?

Characters:

I know that your main characters are being focused on however, I would like to suggest giving the others a chance to introduce themselves. Especially his teammates and his coach. Will they stay longer with the team? If yes, then I suppose it is important for you to give us, the readers, the chance to picture who they are and develop well their characteristics. Also, what do the characters look like?

Setting:

Please do define the field even for a bit. Was there a crowd watching them? Were there cheers and people reacting? Were there not a few fans? Where were they playing, in the fields? I can't picture it exactly nor can I assume as it may potentially disrupt the story.

Dialogues:

I was a bit confused with who was speaking. I also do not know how they spoke which leads me to assume.

During the first few chapters from 1 - 3, the characters were plain. It lacks the feel of being there. I can't feel the characters the way they should be.

There are also a few grammar issues that can be fixed when read once or twice more.

Despite it, a good read. I think when given a few more time to produce more chapters, the way the characters should develop will be found. I also hope that readers, like me, who don't know anything about soccer can share the same understanding with those who do.

To The Top - Sports and Life
4 months ago
Hey dude,

Thought I’d reply to this.
Character wise, I’m thinking about adding slight drama to the other characters, during the tournament, in a way that the anime MAJOR did. It will be on Either Hayama, characters I’ve names for, or completely new ones.

Defining the field is something I should’ve done, but theres nothing special about a rectangular field. Will try something out soon though. Please do keep in mind, I’m 12, NOT an aspiring writer as many other kids here, and this is my first work. There wouldn’t be much of a crowd during practice match, but the tournament will bring in crowds though, so yeah, that.

The conversation problem, which I guess is the:

“XXXXX”

“YYYYY”

These are usually back and forth, X starting Y replying, and so on. That said, I will create a way to signify who starts the conversation.

I’ve given less specifications about appearance to make the reader visualise a character on their own. I get annoyed by stuff like X was a slender boy, with a tall physique stuff, cause I wouldnt be able to visualise what the author exactly thought of.

BTW. Why was ch 1-3 plain? If you could give my a few reasons, I could work on that. View More

VhielF: I know that it is too early to judge the story but it seems to me that the readers require a certain amount of Football or Soccer, which way you want to call it, before understanding the games. Though that is a given I suppose?

Characters:

I know that your main characters are being focused on however, I would like to suggest giving the others a chance to introduce themselves. Especially his teammates and his coach. Will they stay longer with the team? If yes, then I suppose it is important for you to give us, the readers, the chance to picture who they are and develop well their characteristics. Also, what do the characters look like?

Setting:

Please do define the field even for a bit. Was there a crowd watching them? Were there cheers and people reacting? Were there not a few fans? Where were they playing, in the fields? I can't picture it exactly nor can I assume as it may potentially disrupt the story.

Dialogues:

I was a bit confused with who was speaking. I also do not know how they spoke which leads me to assume.

During the first few chapters from 1 - 3, the characters were plain. It lacks the feel of being there. I can't feel the characters the way they should be.

There are also a few grammar issues that can be fixed when read once or twice more.

Despite it, a good read. I think when given a few more time to produce more chapters, the way the characters should develop will be found. I also hope that readers, like me, who don't know anything about soccer can share the same understanding with those who do.

To The Top - Sports and Life
4 months ago
To good! View More
Doraemon: Nobita and perman save the world from evil enemies · C4
4 months ago
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon View More
Be happy with sports · C86
4 months ago
Reading Status: C1
Good stuff! oooooooooooopppppoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooiioppppoooooooooooooojojijijijiuijkjkjiiiiiihuyutttyriyggigigigigigig
I like the characters the best. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo View More
Convincing her (Jen and Lucas)
4 months ago
Fantastic, you will rock the literary world View More
Doraemon: Nobita and perman save the world from evil enemies · C3
4 months ago

Stardustt: Zhayne Black is an average read, but I just cant get enough. Searching for the next chapter, waiting for it almost feels like forever. It has a quick release, but author (rightly named Zhayne Black) does go on hiatus at times, like now, chapter 26.
Writing quality is very understandable but has it’s fair share of grammatical mistakes, understandable though as the author is from Brazil, where English is secondary, and as an Indian, I can understand. Characters were not relatable (well it is an Isekai)
Although all the characters seem like people I would love to be friends with, props to Author for that.

Zhanye Black - To be a Superstar in another World.
4 months ago

: Seems quite good. i actually like the novel, it has a certain charisma which keeps the reader fixated on it.
I literally love the plot, the characters and especially the scenario.

To The Top - Sports and Life
4 months ago
The content has been deleted
Bastard System
6 months ago
Reading Status: C26
Zhayne Black is an average read, but I just cant get enough. Searching for the next chapter, waiting for it almost feels like forever. It has a quick release, but author (rightly named Zhayne Black) does go on hiatus at times, like now, chapter 26.
Writing quality is very understandable but has it’s fair share of grammatical mistakes, understandable though as the author is from Brazil, where English is secondary, and as an Indian, I can understand. Characters were not relatable (well it is an Isekai)
Although all the characters seem like people I would love to be friends with, props to Author for that. View More
Zhanye Black - To be a Superstar in another World.
6 months ago
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