Webnovel Author: Name123001o2o

Name123001o2o

8mth

Commented

Friend, I have a question. Are you posting the fanfiction.net story here? because if you are simply taking inspiration from it then you are doing it very badly, until now paragraph by paragraph it is the same, nothing has changed with respect to the original story, not even the dialogues. All you've done is change the main character's name from Aaron to Alex. What have you done new with this? I don't understand.

ch 0 6 CH 6 This is How it happens.

Fate's Re: Zero Transmigration: The Legendary King Awakens

Anime & Comics · GodOfGreedAs

Name123001o2o

8mth

Commented

I'll give you some advice, don't use Japanese adjectives when the characters are not Japanese. in the original story they worked because subaru is japanese but even then the characters found the san, kun etc etc strange strange.

ch 0 3 CH 3. First Fight?

Fate's Re: Zero Transmigration: The Legendary King Awakens

Anime & Comics · GodOfGreedAs

Name123001o2o

9mth

Replied to Matveyy

Author is a Harem history?

DxD with True Longinus (Vol. 1)

Anime & Comics · Matveyy

Name123001o2o

11mth

Commented

I think your story is good and has a lot of potential, however, I cannot help but give you a small critique that might help you improve your writing. 1: Don't overly detail the emotions of the characters. In one paragraph, you repeated several times that the woman knew how beautiful she was and was surprised that the man wasn't paying attention to her. 2: Your narration is a bit deficient in some aspects. I'm not sure if it's written in first or third person or if it's an omniscient narrator. 3: The dialogue feels very artificial, as if they were generated by an AI, lacking any soul. It doesn't even seem like people are talking. Lastly, I would recommend showing, not telling, improving descriptions, detailing environments more, and ensuring your characters remain consistent with their personalities previously shown. Keep going with your story, I think it has a lot of potential. Just try to improve as these are some errors that I also have and try to solve.

ch 26 26 - Casual Encounter

Name123001o2o

11mth

Commented

This is not mine but I think it shows what Elizabeth would be like but imagine the honey colored eyes

"And then he threatened you?" asked Elizabeth Bathory, also known as the Blood Countess, with a playful smile on her face. She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen, with long black hair and deep honey-colored eyes that radiated sensuality. With her legs crossed, revealing her perfect thighs, she was sitting in a scarlet leather chair. Despite what anyone would think, this was the most powerful woman in New York.

DC: William Black: Prívate Detective

Anime & Comics · Name123001o2o

Name123001o2o

11mth

Commented

"You dirty thieving rat, how dare you show your face to me after what you did?" said a short, obese man with a voice too high-pitched for someone with his appearance. He was dressed in an expensive-looking black suit and his face was completely wrinkled with anger upon seeing William.

DC: William Black: Prívate Detective

Anime & Comics · Name123001o2o

Name123001o2o

11mth

Commented

In a fit of rage, Oliver threw his desk and began destroying everything in his office, which could be heard by everyone in the bar and William, who was leaving with a cigarette in his mouth. When he walked a few blocks and looked up at the full moon rising high, it was covered by dark clouds and started to rain. William just sighed and started walking towards Elizabeth Báthory's Verbagoly Bar.