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  • He wanted a normal life, but ended up as a hero

    He wanted a normal life, but ended up as a hero

    Fantasy Action Comedy Fantasy Magic Demons Isekai Heroes Hidden Abilitys Strong male lead Psychologically

    Two worlds were created which coexisted in harmony for a long time. However, when the creator of the worlds noted unrest between the peoples of the worlds, he created a third world, populated by seven gods to create peace. Through disasters, beyond our imagination, the gods purified the worlds. But no matter how often they cleaned the worlds, peace never lasted long. The creator saw enough and made a decision. He left the one world to itself and he created with his last remaining strength an enemy. This enemy, known as Azazel, led an army of demons and was so powerful that the gods of the seven kingdoms selected heroes to fight against him. The kingdoms were reunited. At some point, there was such a huge war whose extent no one had foreseen. The consequences of the war were enormous. The kingdoms were destroyed, the heroes disappeared with the gods and Azazel was banished. The war about the remaining resources began. Nearly 3,000 years after the war, a new major threat loomed. At that time, there was a teenager named Fushida Kuro, who will play a big role in the future. He just wanted to enjoy his simple life as an Otaku and was unaware of his fate. The story began when he came home from school one day and found his family dead in his house. Without realizing it, he suddenly found himself in another world. But why did this world seem so familiar to him? *English is not my native language, so I ask for your understanding when grammatical errors occur.

Moments

JohnnyKbca: To illustrate how you can mess up because of your native language, I said "commit mistakes" instead of "make mistakes", which would be the correct one in that situation. That doesn't mean you shouldn't work to improve your grammar, just that you shouldn't beat yourself over if one mistake or another slip through.

He wanted a normal life, but ended up as a hero
3 months ago
Wow, thank you really much. I wanted a review like this one. It is direct and will help me for the future. My English is bad. My English was never the best, so my mistakes haven`t surprise me. I figured that the plot at the beginning seems stupid, but i haven`t known how i should write it to get better. Your example is amazing and shows that i need to improve my writing skills, especially in english. Before i start to continue my story, i will rewrite my story for a better experience. View More

JohnnyKbca: Keep in mind that this review is just from the 2 chapters which were available at the time.

When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score. Except for newbie writers, who receive two stars, which seems to be your case.

Writing Quality 2: Some missing punctuation, or spaces between the punctuation and the quote mark. e.g: ("Morning? ")

Such grammar mistakes can be somewhat corrected using correction tools such as Grammarly.

A deeper problem is that the sentences feel weird. As if they had been badly translated from another language. Unfortunately, it takes time to solve this problem unless you manage to get an editor.

My tip is to read more books in English, read articles, watch tv shows, etc. And be aware that you will always commit some mistakes. I'm always mixing up "in", "on" and "at" because in my native language they're all the same preposition.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 2: Barely any build-up from MC arriving home to finding his mother murdered, and it transmits zero emotion when describing it.

The reader doesn't even know the family, and they're already supposed to feel for their death. Makes it feel like they're just a plot device, and even worse; a cheap one.

Here's an example of how you could improve it:

"I am back. Sorry for my delay."

There was no reply. Weird, usually Mom welcomes me as soon as I announce my arrival. Must be in the bath or something.

I shouted again just to be sure and the result was the same. Whatever, I'll just grab something to eat in the kitchen and play some games in my room.

I closed the door behind me and was taking off my shoes when the smell hit me. It had a metallic scent but was also a bit sweet... what was that smell? It was oddly familiar, I just couldn't put my finger on what it was.

The shoes were off and I was too lazy to take off the socks. Mom always complains about it, but fortunately, she doesn't seem to be here.

I made my way down the hallway towards the source of the smell and arrived in the dark living room.

"Shit," I cursed after stumbling on something. "Dammit, why are the lights off?"

After accidentally kicking what I guess was the TV remote I reached the light switch and flicked it on. "Why is all this stuff on the... floor..."

The remote wasn't the only thing on the floor, it was like a hurricane had come through the living room.

The kotatsu had been turned over and was resting against the wall where the painting had been knocked down.

Where the end table used to be, now was a pile of books from the bookcase that had its shelves broken with the table being nowhere in sight. The TV was still in place, but its screen had been smashed by a flying vase.

In the center of all this mayhem was a pool of red under a motionless body.

"...mom?"

Of course, this is just an example and there are various ways you can choose to improve the scene. Even removing the chapter entirely may work out depending on how you write.

Character Design 2: From the first paragraphs, but especially from the title, it seemed as this was another story about MC who just wanted to be normal but was cursed to be an OP hero in a fantasy world.

Then he finds his family murdered and barely grieves for them, he goes straight to swearing revenge (which kinda confirms what I said previously about they being a plot device).

THEN, he's transported to an unknown place, finds himself tied up and he still manages to lose himself admiring the woman who happens to be his captor. Who also, for all he knows, is the one who killed his family. The man clearly knows his priorities.

It feels like the MC's character design will be just a collection of anime cliches.

World Background 5: I give this one a 5 not because it was good, but because it didn't have a chance to show up. Both the 1st and 2nd chapter were focused on the story with some minimal character display, so I'll give this one the benefit of the doubt.

Review score (2+5+2+2+5)/5 = 3.2
Score given = (4+5+4+4+5)/5 = 4.4

He wanted a normal life, but ended up as a hero
3 months ago

JohnnyKbca: Keep in mind that this review is just from the 2 chapters which were available at the time.

When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score. Except for newbie writers, who receive two stars, which seems to be your case.

Writing Quality 2: Some missing punctuation, or spaces between the punctuation and the quote mark. e.g: ("Morning? ")

Such grammar mistakes can be somewhat corrected using correction tools such as Grammarly.

A deeper problem is that the sentences feel weird. As if they had been badly translated from another language. Unfortunately, it takes time to solve this problem unless you manage to get an editor.

My tip is to read more books in English, read articles, watch tv shows, etc. And be aware that you will always commit some mistakes. I'm always mixing up "in", "on" and "at" because in my native language they're all the same preposition.

Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.

Story Development 2: Barely any build-up from MC arriving home to finding his mother murdered, and it transmits zero emotion when describing it.

The reader doesn't even know the family, and they're already supposed to feel for their death. Makes it feel like they're just a plot device, and even worse; a cheap one.

Here's an example of how you could improve it:

"I am back. Sorry for my delay."

There was no reply. Weird, usually Mom welcomes me as soon as I announce my arrival. Must be in the bath or something.

I shouted again just to be sure and the result was the same. Whatever, I'll just grab something to eat in the kitchen and play some games in my room.

I closed the door behind me and was taking off my shoes when the smell hit me. It had a metallic scent but was also a bit sweet... what was that smell? It was oddly familiar, I just couldn't put my finger on what it was.

The shoes were off and I was too lazy to take off the socks. Mom always complains about it, but fortunately, she doesn't seem to be here.

I made my way down the hallway towards the source of the smell and arrived in the dark living room.

"Shit," I cursed after stumbling on something. "Dammit, why are the lights off?"

After accidentally kicking what I guess was the TV remote I reached the light switch and flicked it on. "Why is all this stuff on the... floor..."

The remote wasn't the only thing on the floor, it was like a hurricane had come through the living room.

The kotatsu had been turned over and was resting against the wall where the painting had been knocked down.

Where the end table used to be, now was a pile of books from the bookcase that had its shelves broken with the table being nowhere in sight. The TV was still in place, but its screen had been smashed by a flying vase.

In the center of all this mayhem was a pool of red under a motionless body.

"...mom?"

Of course, this is just an example and there are various ways you can choose to improve the scene. Even removing the chapter entirely may work out depending on how you write.

Character Design 2: From the first paragraphs, but especially from the title, it seemed as this was another story about MC who just wanted to be normal but was cursed to be an OP hero in a fantasy world.

Then he finds his family murdered and barely grieves for them, he goes straight to swearing revenge (which kinda confirms what I said previously about they being a plot device).

THEN, he's transported to an unknown place, finds himself tied up and he still manages to lose himself admiring the woman who happens to be his captor. Who also, for all he knows, is the one who killed his family. The man clearly knows his priorities.

It feels like the MC's character design will be just a collection of anime cliches.

World Background 5: I give this one a 5 not because it was good, but because it didn't have a chance to show up. Both the 1st and 2nd chapter were focused on the story with some minimal character display, so I'll give this one the benefit of the doubt.

Review score (2+5+2+2+5)/5 = 3.2
Score given = (4+5+4+4+5)/5 = 4.4

He wanted a normal life, but ended up as a hero
3 months ago
Reading Status: C3
Altough this story isn`t in my genre section, I have to say that the first few chapter were amazing. I like your writing style and I realized that you're trying to create a good plot, And u did that with a huge success.

Really good job and keep it up View More
Reborn: The Unexpected Twist
3 months ago
The content has been deleted
Reborn: The Unexpected Twist
3 months ago
Hey, thanks for your review.

I think you're right about the thoughts of the MC`s and I'll fix that.

I am glad that you liked the rest : D View More

Jenjibread: I'm going to be completely honest here since you asked ^-^

Personally, I'm not a big fan of how you use parentheses to separate out the MC's thoughts. To me, it's a lot easier to just write it, and since it's first-person narration, as long as you use quotation marks with your actual dialogue it should be fine?

I did, however, like the complete turn of events that happened at the end of the chapter.

Good luck!

He wanted a normal life, but ended up as a hero
3 months ago

Jenjibread: I'm going to be completely honest here since you asked ^-^

Personally, I'm not a big fan of how you use parentheses to separate out the MC's thoughts. To me, it's a lot easier to just write it, and since it's first-person narration, as long as you use quotation marks with your actual dialogue it should be fine?

I did, however, like the complete turn of events that happened at the end of the chapter.

Good luck!

He wanted a normal life, but ended up as a hero
3 months ago
Reading Status: C5
Here is my review for you ;)

First of all, I'm not really a fan of this genre and therefore I can`t judge the story well, but it definitely looks interesting and profound. The characters are very individual and well described. But what really impressed me is your writing style and the realism. It's nice to read and I wish I could write like you, the envy is real -,-

All in one a very nice and thoughtful story.

Good luck in the future :D View More
Crocodile Tears
3 months ago
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