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Spade_Z_: ♠️💚

Transported to a MMO World · C2
3 months ago

F_Riley: Just started reading. Two things. Why would anyone not take the magic route when transporting into a MMO world. I mean it's magic! Even if he wants to be a warrior, his int and mind were so high to start that it should have been a no brainer. They 'Gods' certainly made it possible for him to be a powerful spell caster. And why is he not telling people he just arrived? What's the point of keeping it secret? Everyone was transported . So what if he was transported a year later? By telling, he can learn about the world faster.

Transported to a MMO World · C5
3 months ago

Billy_Corona: The concept is fine but you're missing out on a lot with this story. Sending him a year later then the rest is pointless.

I also think it would have been more appealing for him to spawn in the chaos of thousands of others who might or might not take this situation as well as this.

It would have added a sense of urgency to the whole thing instead of the laid back thought permeating it now: I'm a year late anyway... I gotta level but I don't have to hurry. Is the sense you created.

Your choice of going with a warrior is questionable too. Endgame they're usually strong in games but they're a bit slow to level up and a lot more prone to dying then a ranged or stealthed type.

It would make more sense for him to choose the mage since that's his preferred play style in games. People don't go the complete opposite route of their main class just like that, especially when it counts.

I also think the classes are rather tame compared to most games. Normally there are more magic classes than this, unless this is like the bdo mages that can be any magic role...

Either way. The concept behind the story is good but the decisions you made for your character and its insert are less appealing.

Besides.. Its a fantasy world and you decide you want to be the only class you can replicate just by practicing martial arts and hitting the gym irl yet didn't?

If you started off with a genuine warrior type I'd get it. But you chose the opposite type to play its opposite class. Hell for a warrior you could have started with something like; My name is Owen Pitt. Just this morning I was doing guard duty in my role as an MP. It was wasn't my most exciting experience in the military police, but I've had enough excitement recently to serve me a while.

Ofcourse this all came to an end when I woke up in the middle of the desert, my dick swinging freely and god whispering in my ear: Owen Pitt. You are one of my chosen, those I saved in hope you will grow strong enough to fight beside me against the enemy gods that destroyed your planet. By becoming strong enough and defeating them, we can revive all the others.


See? That's what instant warrior persona right there...
Your character is a mage type who got cold feet at doing his thing irl and chose a class he's not suited for. Instant result? The rest of the story , for no matter how strong he gets, it will never feel like he can reach his full potential because the class just isn't him.


I'm not sure if il keep reading. Just like the other poster, I picked this up and binge read it since it was not fully published yet. The fact that I started scan reading soon after the first two chapters doesn't bode well...

I think you do have a great concept but unless your character and his class are a fit, the story won't reach its full potential. Especially if you do random choices that add nothing like starting a year later.

Transported to a MMO World · C5
3 months ago
Hey Riley, I've mentioned this in another comment but the reasoning behind going for a warrior class was made due to the situation he was in. About not telling people he just arrived to this world, I envisioned it as not wanting to draw attention to himself but also more importantly not making anyone suspicious of him for a reason or another. Like I mentioned in CANAAN's comment, I really should be doing a better job at explaining my thought process when writing and that is my mistake. I can't expect people to read my mind and I will try to do a better job going forward. I really do appreciate your feedback and will try to learn from it! Thanks. View More

F_Riley: Just started reading. Two things. Why would anyone not take the magic route when transporting into a MMO world. I mean it's magic! Even if he wants to be a warrior, his int and mind were so high to start that it should have been a no brainer. They 'Gods' certainly made it possible for him to be a powerful spell caster. And why is he not telling people he just arrived? What's the point of keeping it secret? Everyone was transported . So what if he was transported a year later? By telling, he can learn about the world faster.

Transported to a MMO World · C5
3 months ago
Hi, thank you for taking the time to give me some of your thoughts. The reasoning behind sending him a year later was initially just to be able to establish the world around him. I thought it would be more interesting to explore the world through him and gave the opportunity for bigger, more meaningful events to take place within the world. That's as much as I'll say about that point, not wanting to spoil things. Maybe that was a poor decision considering the slower approach I've been taking and would work better in a book, if so that's my bad. As for the classes, once again I probably should have done a better job explaining in the last chapter but there are "class advancements" (not sure about using that name) once you reach level 30 that allows you to branch out into different paths. In fact, I already realized that there was a lack of mage classes and that is why mages have the most :sub classes" out of all the classes. Taking the warrior path I thought was logical considering that at that point, the MC had only leveled up using training exercises, (which you could maybe attribute to him having cold feet, as you mentioned later in your comment.) which i figured would led him to logically put points into his physical attributes. I think it's my fault for not explaining my train of thoughts better in the writing and will try to do a better job of it in the future. You mention that he would never reach his full potential because he isn't a natural fighter but I personally envisioned the story partly as a sort of transformation story. However, I get that it isn't everyone's cup of tea. Anyways, I really do appreciate your feedback, this is my first time really writing for myself and I don't claim to be really good at it. I can only hope to learn from this and hopefully in the future you decide to give me another shot. Hope to see you again. View More

Billy_Corona: The concept is fine but you're missing out on a lot with this story. Sending him a year later then the rest is pointless.

I also think it would have been more appealing for him to spawn in the chaos of thousands of others who might or might not take this situation as well as this.

It would have added a sense of urgency to the whole thing instead of the laid back thought permeating it now: I'm a year late anyway... I gotta level but I don't have to hurry. Is the sense you created.

Your choice of going with a warrior is questionable too. Endgame they're usually strong in games but they're a bit slow to level up and a lot more prone to dying then a ranged or stealthed type.

It would make more sense for him to choose the mage since that's his preferred play style in games. People don't go the complete opposite route of their main class just like that, especially when it counts.

I also think the classes are rather tame compared to most games. Normally there are more magic classes than this, unless this is like the bdo mages that can be any magic role...

Either way. The concept behind the story is good but the decisions you made for your character and its insert are less appealing.

Besides.. Its a fantasy world and you decide you want to be the only class you can replicate just by practicing martial arts and hitting the gym irl yet didn't?

If you started off with a genuine warrior type I'd get it. But you chose the opposite type to play its opposite class. Hell for a warrior you could have started with something like; My name is Owen Pitt. Just this morning I was doing guard duty in my role as an MP. It was wasn't my most exciting experience in the military police, but I've had enough excitement recently to serve me a while.

Ofcourse this all came to an end when I woke up in the middle of the desert, my dick swinging freely and god whispering in my ear: Owen Pitt. You are one of my chosen, those I saved in hope you will grow strong enough to fight beside me against the enemy gods that destroyed your planet. By becoming strong enough and defeating them, we can revive all the others.


See? That's what instant warrior persona right there...
Your character is a mage type who got cold feet at doing his thing irl and chose a class he's not suited for. Instant result? The rest of the story , for no matter how strong he gets, it will never feel like he can reach his full potential because the class just isn't him.


I'm not sure if il keep reading. Just like the other poster, I picked this up and binge read it since it was not fully published yet. The fact that I started scan reading soon after the first two chapters doesn't bode well...

I think you do have a great concept but unless your character and his class are a fit, the story won't reach its full potential. Especially if you do random choices that add nothing like starting a year later.

Transported to a MMO World · C5
3 months ago

ADELLAcrysp: it's still 3 chapters and it's going pretty well, keep up the good work and just keep writing.

I'll be looking forward to this story, good luck and have a wonderful day, xoxo

(I'll just update my review once there will be enough chaps)

Transported to a MMO World
3 months ago
Appreciate the support my man, just came back from long hiatus hope you enjoy the new chapter. View More

ADELLAcrysp: it's still 3 chapters and it's going pretty well, keep up the good work and just keep writing.

I'll be looking forward to this story, good luck and have a wonderful day, xoxo

(I'll just update my review once there will be enough chaps)

Transported to a MMO World
3 months ago
Thank you thank you good sir. Just came back hope you like the new chapter. :) View More

Jnbelial: interesting 🤔

Transported to a MMO World · C1
3 months ago

Jnbelial: interesting 🤔

Transported to a MMO World · C1
3 months ago
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