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Fireir

LV 13
2020-10-16 Joined Global

Badges 7

Moments 47

Fireir
Fireir
Fireir
Commented
You should have described the place, the city and the palace, after that you would talk about sky and his talk with the emperor. You need to show the world to us, so that the novel will be more interesting

Days later in the emperor's palace, Sky had reached the emperor and reported the events that occurred from the unusual horde to the mysterious man on his last breath, screaming out loud in confidence of the fate of their nation before convulsing into a bloody mess. After hearing such news, the emperor rubbed his forehead and sighed.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Commented
This makes no sense, i can understand a surprise attack, but saying that she can stall him makes no sense, he is an entire realm stronger than her, even if his injuried, he should be able to win against her in one hit, is not like she has an outstanding amour. An entire realm should be something basically impossible to fight unless you have a strong treasure, he can easily evade her sword so she would need someting else.

Ming Yue immediately attacked him but the man dodged. She didn't give him any chance to recover and attacked constantly. Sweat covered her body as she concentrated immensely, her goal was to stall him until reinforcements came. She knew that she would not win this due to the cultivation difference as well as the difference in their fighting style. Ming Yue was like a glass cannon sending out powerful attacks but unable to take much of a hit unlike her opponent who was more of a berserker and could take extreme amounts of punishment while dealing just as much.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Commented
two face from Batman

"Screw it, I will end this city myself and collect their bodies with the remaining crows", the man took off his hood revealing a gnarled face that can only be described as horrifying. Parts of his face were scarred as if he had been burned, his mouth was partially stitched up and his eyes were of a dark green color. He could only be compared to that of a ghoul.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Fireir
Replied to Fireir
for example, you said rank 1 beast need several man, what are their level? several rank 1 human? several rank 2 human? you need to be especific, if you aren't than it will be more difficult for the reader to understand the levels of power in the world, which will lead to loss of interest in the story

This was also one of the reasons why the Jade Dragon Pavilion existed, humans were ultimately weaker than these beasts. Rank 1 beasts needed several men to fight, while rank 5 and above could decimate cities and even countries. The one advantage that humans had was intelligence, with such a connected system like the pavilions, information traveled quickly, allowing reinforcements and other means of support to arrive much faster.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Replied to I_Am_Death
from what we saw, most of them were inside the city using bows, so i suppose there wasn't a lot of close combat fights

She didn't really notice this and continued walking to the tents. When they arrived, it was extremely busy. While casualties weren't extreme, there were still at least 200 injured and 100 dead. Out of two thousand people, there were only 1700 men who were able to fight against the several thousand beasts. Fei Xian left her to fulfill his duties as a medic while she, herself, went off to help as well. She was the daughter of a doctor after all. Ming Yue helped around, bandaging patients and distributing medicine.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Commented
I would prefer if there was a more specific power level to the beast, like "rank five beasts need at least five rank 6 earth cultivators", right now is too vague.

This was also one of the reasons why the Jade Dragon Pavilion existed, humans were ultimately weaker than these beasts. Rank 1 beasts needed several men to fight, while rank 5 and above could decimate cities and even countries. The one advantage that humans had was intelligence, with such a connected system like the pavilions, information traveled quickly, allowing reinforcements and other means of support to arrive much faster.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Commented
on the sinopse you said she wouldn't be op, but the story is going that way, although an OP MC is not necessarily bad, if you say she wouldn' be one, you needed to do things that would show she is strong, but not OP, going head-on, alone, on a horde of 2 thousand beast is something OP, not strong, you should have said that there was other people on the ground fighting the monsters, and then sais that she was killing more than them

They were shocked to see her, fighting the massive amount of monsters. She killed her way through, leaving a trail of bodies. She didn't stay in one place, weaving around and avoiding their attacks. Due to her bond with Xiao Yin, they communicated with each other, directing Ming Yue to wherever there was a large cluster of monsters. Any of the beasts that approached her would die in one swing.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Commented
This makes no sense, with his wealth, connections and cultivation level, she would have a much more efficent path to power, but for some reason she didn't thought of that.

Ming Yue was surprised by his offer. If she agreed, she might not have to fight again. She could live in comfort, without ever going through any more hardship. After thinking, she finally made her decision.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Commented
this is an exagerration, she did not gain an abudant amount of experience, she gain some experience

The appraisal was 500 contribution points per item while the sparring was 2300. Ming Yue had just enough for the latter but wasn't sure which one to go for. Both options were equally important. She needed to know the full capabilities of the things she used, so that she would better understand the best way to use them. On the other hand, sparring gave her more chances to improve her skills and think of new moves. After several minutes of thinking, she finally chose the appraisal option. This was because she had already gained an abundant amount of combat experience from this mission already. She still needed time to fully assess her gains before testing herself.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Replied to BlueEyedOracle
but with her level of education, i doubt she would know that

Ming Yue was somewhat interested in this Blue Fire Scion but because he was better known for cultivating with fire, there was most likely nothing related to wind in the ruins.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Commented
Why blood brothers don't have the same surname?

There was a muscular bald man named Ming Gang, he had a giant axe and wore dark green clothes. The other two men were blood brothers named Shen Hou and Ling Rong, who both had matching clothes and held a sword and spear respectively. They had a heroic demeanor and were very humble about their background. They were known as the Long Feng Brothers due to their fighting style where one followed the moves of a dragon and the other a phoenix. Then there was the fourth member, Lan Jia, she was extremely pretty and could be considered a beauty. She was quite shapely and her lips were cherry red. Her hair was deep blue and long enough to reach her waist. However the most interesting part was her weapon, while most female cultivators preferred the sword, she had a pair of gauntlets and fought using her fists. Ming Gang and Lan Jia were of the Bronze Bull rank, Shen Hou and Ling Rong were at Black Turtle and Ming Yue at Jade Fox.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Commented
You wrote "Sage Srage" instead of "Sage Grade "

Armor had its own classifications as well, It was Mortal, Sage, Divine, World, and Star grade. Furthermore, each grade had 3 levels: Lower, Middle, and Peak. This was because armor of the same grade may have different effects that change their level. Perhaps there are two shields, they are exactly the same but one has an effect and one doesn't. Thus they would be both Mortal Grade but one would be Lower while the other was Middle or even Peak. Mortal and Sage Srade weapons were somewhat common, Divine Grades were only found in the hands of great warriors. World-Grade weapons are quite legendary and very few have actually been found to have existed. Star-Grade weapons are a myth and are only found in stories. However, those stories were nothing but incredible. These weapons were capable of cutting worlds or even space itself.

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Maiden Of The Splitting Moon

Fantasy · ARGAS

Fireir
Commented
He sold then for 20 or more credits, how is he buying then for 2 credits ?

And even if there were only 5000 five-star wild beast cores priced at 2 credits per core, there wasn't much he could do wrong.

God´s Eyes

God´s Eyes

Urban · HideousGrain

Fireir
Commented
this "that it created" is completely unnecessary.

The arrow pricked the hare, but it didn't pierce it. The arrowhead was covered in Daphne's aura though, and the aura froze the small wound that it created. This frozen area suddenly constricted the rest of the hare's body a little.

I Just Inherited The Arcane Emperor's Legacy

I Just Inherited The Arcane Emperor's Legacy

Fantasy · WhiteNightingale

Fireir
Commented
we are alreas know the target, you don't need to say "toward the hare" you could just say "It sailed at a frightening pace"

Meanwhile, she nocked an arrow and aimed it at the hare. The hare had already noticed her and got ready to attack her. She let the arrow fly and it sailed toward the hare at a frightening pace.

I Just Inherited The Arcane Emperor's Legacy

I Just Inherited The Arcane Emperor's Legacy

Fantasy · WhiteNightingale

Fireir
Commented
meeee, this just souns like a way to avoid training his aim

This was because his aim wasn't based on practice, but concentration. As long as his mind was focused, he wouldn't miss. Ranged Archers would have to practice a lot more like Daphne was doing.

I Just Inherited The Arcane Emperor's Legacy

I Just Inherited The Arcane Emperor's Legacy

Fantasy · WhiteNightingale

Fireir
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