Tommie_Wendall

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Badges 4

Moments 2

3yr

Posted

Some of the phrasing was extremely cheesy. The set-up regarding the gunfighter could've been more descriptive. Example: it's STATED twice that the gunfighter was the fastest in the West. Great! Every gunfighter is the fastest in the West. I know he can't be the slowest, but that is not interesting when put that way. The plot was good though. I definitely enjoyed that.

A Cowboy and a Dancer Walk Into a Bar

Action · Utahraptor

Tommie_Wendall

3yr

Commented

Try livening this up with some active verbs and descriptive passages.

The cowboy trotted into town on his horse. This cowboy was renowned as the fastest gun in the west. The plump man who had hired the ferocious bounty hunter to do his dirty work was reminiscent of a large plains bison with a bad attitude. The cowboy looked around, all he saw was an empty street and seemingly empty houses & shops. He knew better, though.

A Cowboy and a Dancer Walk Into a Bar

Action · Utahraptor

Tommie_Wendall - Profile

Tommie_Wendall

Badges 4

Moments 2

Tommie_Wendall

A Cowboy and a Dancer Walk Into a Bar

Tommie_Wendall

A Cowboy and a Dancer Walk Into a Bar

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